Readerforum.

Women of substance

Geez! Your article on Megan Mullally ["The Advocate's 25 Coolest Women," November 23] was too short! She's one funny, smart, up-front babe. Any chance this was only a prequel? I want to know more about sassy Megan!

Raymund Garcia, Newton, Mass.

You have garnered much affection from myself and fellow fanatics for naming the largely unsung Tori Amos to your list of the "25 coolest women." Her achingly beautiful music confronts the hypocrisy of conservative Christianity in a fearless and joyously irreverent manner. Most important, she proves that a spiritual being and a sexual being can coexist in one body. Who else could write a flowing piano ballad about masturbating in a church? I will always be thankful of the support she has given the gay community through her actions and music. What a true icon.

Andrew Harmon, Madison, Wis.

Including Rosie O'Donnell was a ridiculous insult. O'Donnell has conspicuously turned her back on the gay community, refusing to publicly acknowledge her own lesbianism and pandering to Middle America. Gay people in this country are being challenged every day by the religious right, gay bashers, and even other talk-show personalities. O'Donnell wields enormous power over these factions and those who support them, yet she has slammed the door in the face of hundreds of thousands of gay men and women who support her by refusing to acknowledge that she is one of us. I don't care if she loves show tunes.

Jonathan Broder, New York, N.Y.

You wonder when lesbians started paying attention to Jodie Foster? I was paying attention in 1969 (when I was 7 years old) to the tomboy down the hall in The Courtship of Eddie's Father.

Juliet G. Greenwood, via the Internet

I was interested to see that you included Melissa Etheridge as an icon for both lesbians and gay men; as a gay man, I thought I was the only one who took inspiration from her. It is nice to know she appeals to all of us.

Christopher Tracy, via the Internet

I can't believe you picked the "25 coolest women" and Gillian Anderson (The X-Files' Scully) was nowhere! Megan Mullally is fabulous, of course, and the other women were great. It was refreshing, to say the least, to see a profile of women in The Advocate. But as an Advocate subscriber and longtime Scully admirer, I have to take issue. Scully is so coolly appropriate, reserved, well-spoken, and meticulously intellectual yet so dulcet-toned, creamily luscious, pillowy-lipped, and fiat-out sensual, it's almost heart-stopping. But as with every season of The X-Files, I guess we'll have to wait 'til next year!

Sara Zimmerman, Chicago, Ill.

Did you forget about two of the women we dykes love? What about Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, the Indigo Girls? How fondly I remember my first ventures out of the closet at my first Indigo Girls concert as a freshman in college. I felt like I was home! Amy and Emily and all the hoards of screaming lesbians in love welcomed me. Please add them to your list, as I'm sure many of us gals still swoon over that edgy, sexy duo.

Melissa Hidalgo, Bloomington, Ind.

I was more than disappointed to learn that Judy Shepard was missing from your list of coolest women. As the mother of a gay child, she has done more for our community in one year than Cher has done in three-plus decades. Her public service announcement on MTV elevated her to the status of "cool." And when she spared Aaron McKinney's life for taking her son's, she exemplified a spirituality that Madonna can only dream of achieving.

Bobby Singer, San Francisco, Calif.

[The editors reply: As was explained in the introduction to "The Advocate's 25 Coolest Women," we asked readers, via a survey conducted on advocate.com, to provide the names of their five favorite women and then tabulated the responses of the 2,000 people who participated. The women mentioned here received numerous votes, but those featured on the list received more.]

Domestic blasts

Bravo for the article "Hidden Bruises" [November 23]. It's time for this demon to be unmasked in the GLBT community just as it has been in the heterosexual world. Having been involved in a batterer-intervention program for five years, I know how badly misunderstood this phenomenon truly is. The core issue of all domestic violence is power and control and to what extent the perpetrator will go to maintain it. Being gay, I also understand that there are other issues that come up when domestic violence takes place in a gay relationship, but the core issue remains the same.

We have allowed domestic violence in our community to continue by (1) looking the other way and not reporting it, (2) assuming it is a problem between the perpetrator and victim and not reporting it, (3) assuming this behavior is "normal," and (4) not addressing the issue directly with law enforcement agencies. Violence between anyone is unacceptable.

Tom Stagg, Lafayette, La.

I'd like to add another agency to your list of places where gay men and women can get help and shelter: Equinox Domestic Violence Services in Albany, N.Y., [phone]. I wanted readers to know that help exists outside large metropolitan areas.

Michael Bologna, Albany, N.Y.

I am in training to qualify as an advocate for victims of domestic violence in the state of Illinois. All workers must complete a 40-hour course educating the worker that not only does domestic violence occur in same-sex relationships but it must be dealt with in an accepting, nonjudgmental fashion I want to let people know that if you are in central Illinois and need help, the Sojurn Services hot line operates 24 hours a day and is just a phone call away.

Jane Carbiener, Springfield, Ill.

USAF confidential

I'm not surprised by "Lying Is the Best Defense" [At Issue, November 23]. Although it may reflect some Air Force officials' attempts at making the best of a bad system, such behavior is as dangerous as the witch-hunts of the past. All military members need to be fully briefed on the current policy and know with whom they have confidentiality. Until President Clinton authorized an amendment to the Uniform Code of Military Justice extending confidentiality to mental health professionals, the only person with whom confidentiality was guaranteed was the chaplain.

"Don't ask, don't tell" has nothing to do with tolerance and everything to do with discipline. Of course, admitted homosexual conduct is not officially tolerated. Merely stating one has a partner meets the Department of Defense's definition. The only strength of the current policy is the protection it would provide against a fraudulent allegation or sexual harassment.

Reid H. Radnor-Ahl, Winnipeg, Canada

Going nowhere

Many years ago I met a man who should have been fascinating. He had followed the same sort of advice offered by Brandon Lemon in your November 23 issue [Last Word]: He had lived with transvestites in Lisbon, had a long-term lover in Bhutan, and worked in a gay bar in the Philippines. He took the trouble to learn the language everywhere he lived. Yet in spite of being exposed to all these amazing cultures, he was a complete moron who knew nothing about life or people. I offer this suggestion: Do not confuse unusual experiences with profound ones. Life's lessons can be learned anywhere, even from people who "all look alike."

Whit Fisher, Washington, D. C.

Got to have friends

I take exception to the remark made by Gregg Kilday in his interview with Matthew Perry ["Matthew Perry's Gay Tango," November 9] that if his character Chandler (on Friends) were gay in reality, "he'd probably eventually drift away from the group and find a circle of gay friends." Why? Is it so hard to believe that Chandler, as a gay man, would still be interested in, and want the love and support of, his straight friends? We needn't segregate ourselves any longer with the false notion that our best friends can be only fellow gays.

D. Wilson Ochoa, N. Charleston, S.C.

Please keep letters brief and to the point; we reserve the right to edit all letters as deemed necessary, Letters must include the home address and phone number of the writer and should be sent to Letters to the Editor, The Advocate, P.O. Box 4371, Los Angeles, CA 90078; taxed to [phone]; or E-mailed to [e-mail], We cannot respond to letters individually. For general information, send an E-mail to [e-mail] with info typed in the subject line of your message.