Re-working your financial priorities.

This winter season provides holidays and opportunities to give thanks for our many blessings, celebrate our families and friends, and even renew our faith. Regrets and depressions are also present during the "cold months of despair" that leave many searching for new beginnings. Fortunately, January 1 marks a time of resolution to vow to do things differently next year! And I'd be willing to bet that your personal finances and spending habits are near the top of that list of "how things should/could be" if only....

Let's begin by focusing on the miracle of Abundance, by exposing the falsehoods of lack and unworthiness that permeate our society. We can make simple, conscious choices to re-create our financial pictures and thus reduce the stress and strain on our finances (and ultimately our health). Abundance grows best when tended with persistence and fertilized with nurturing support.

Before real change can happen, you must first bring openness to new possibilities. You then must bring full awareness of your current reality. Easy enough. "My current finances really stink, and I'm fully open to being relieved of this mountain of debt." Those thoughts are actually on the right track, if you'll keep rolling with where they lead instead of digging a hopeless rut. The persistence I talked about will come in your new actions--not in repetitive thoughts--good or bad.

It's actually amazing how much resistance we have to "bringing full awareness to our current reality." After all, it's our reality, not someone else's, and we're smack dab in the middle of it. Yet we often act like six-armed monkeys whenever we're faced with financial dilemmas. We cover our eyes, "I can't see you--you're depressing." We cover our ears, "I can't hear you anymore--it's always the same old thing and I've had enough." We cover our mouths, "I'm not about to reveal my finances to a stranger or ask for help--I just couldn't." And because it only takes one arm to cover our mouths, we still have that sixth arm available to scratch our heads in confusion and wonder, "What in the world am I going to do this time ..."

So let's break this "awareness" thing down into four parts. Part one is simple although 'oftentimes painful. Be persistent and courageous, it'll all be worth it! All you have to do is write down everything you possibly can about what you're earning and what you're spending. Preferably this will not be a quick stab in the dark along the lines of "I'm making very little and I'm spending a whole lot more." Quantify this thought, in dollars and cents, in great detail. Do it once, let it sit for a while, and then revisit it. Did you remember those once a year expenses like car fees and taxes, back to school supplies, and Aunt Martha's ninetieth birthday bash? Keep repeating this process down to the last detail.

Part two requires no gathering of facts and figures, no ciphering, and no tears. While tears aren't required, they'll generally just show up in this part. Think of them as cleansing lubricants that will allow you to open your eyes and look at your current finances without blinking. Take your list of income and expense from part one and add a column: "Why I need this." Now under this ridiculously obvious column, put an answer for each line item, without deleting or skipping any lines (including that expense for an extra quart of ice cream and pizza delivered to your doorstep any night that you have to actually sit down and pay bills. As you might have suspected, the "ridiculously obvious" answers, such as "because I'll be evicted if I don't pay the rent" are not allowed in this step. Remember--no facts and figures! Emotions are for the brave of heart; step courageously into this murky world and go at least two levels beyond your first surface response.

You might discover in part two that you pay your rent because you're absolutely terrified of becoming one of those down and out homeless people you see out on the streets; and you could be only one paycheck away from that daunting possibility. Or you might realize that you pay your rent on your exorbitantly priced condo because you always dreamed of living on the beach with a penthouse view. And from there, you might take it a step further and recognize if your picture of success says anything less, you're a failure.

Not all of your answers will be deep and depressing. Some (like the ice cream/pizza expense) will be more like a stubborn stomp of the foot and a belligerent screaming out of "because I want to!" However, emotional defining is one of the biggest boulders to leave behind as you create your new financial priorities. Just keep answering: take as many breaks as you need, but persist in the process until all expense and income line items have been felt clearly. Again, remember that the persistence is in the actions for each step along the way--not m repetitive feelings like "I'm such a failure ..." any more than repetitive thoughts like "this is the stupidest thing I've ever gotten myself into."

You've probably already plummeted into a cycle of thoughts and feelings that in hindsight you're pretty sure should have been left covered and hidden deep within your soul and certainly not brought out for the world to see! If it's a mild mudslide and you're confident you can hop back up and clean yourself off--keep going. If you hear a horrible sucking noise with each step you struggle to take, let the mud dry up and approach this on a sunnier day. If you're up to your calves and picturing the old Tarzan movies of quicksand and only a hat left on the surface as a reminder of what was--you might want to consider professional help. This could come in the form of an accountant, a psychiatrist, a banker, a priest of spiritual teacher. The three in the morning psychic hotline is probably not the best route to take here.

Part three is where the fun begins. All those hopeless situations, feelings and thoughts you've been having have been leading you right up to the grand prize--what you really need! The "debt cycle" is really just a combination of other cycles of ruts: the "doing the same thing over and over" rut of the "I don't care--I deserve it" rut or the "I'm never going to dig myself out of this hole" rut. But if you'll go back to your list--and really listen to your Heart--you'll soon discover the hidden gem in each line item. "Oh yeah, I'm terrified of being homeless" may be your Heart's way of saying "I need and deserve security" or comfort, or safety or any number of really useful, natural, and real things that ate by no means outside of your current reach. They just may look completely different from how you'd pictured them during the first go round.

If, for example, your real need is recognition, such as a smile from a co-worker, or a pat on the back from the boss, you don't need an expensive condo and dry-clean-only clothing. Here's where the openness to possibilities comes into play. And I do mean play. This isn't hard work, something to figure out of get right. This is where you can just experience what recognition or comfort of nurturing or abundance really feels like. What's the common thread that runs through having all the money you'll ever need, never doing without love, being surrounded by an ever-growing family of friends, and having a yard full of 'dandelions? That common thread is true abundance--not the money, not the love, not the friends, not the dandelions--but that intangible "something" that is abundance to you no matter how it looks.

As soon as you get in touch with that intangible "something," let it paint whatever picture it wants. Daydream, meditate, brainstorm; begin with seeing many new types of abundance instead of what you thought it would look like in your ideal world. And when your vision really "hums" and you can hear it, feel it, and even taste it, you're ready for part four. Your awareness of your current reality has just grown by leaps and bounds. You're no longer unknowingly chained to one of two options. And now that you can see different pictures, you can begin creating them in your new life. Simply state your intent: "This is how I'm going to express success (or comfort or creativity) today." See where that takes you. As long as you're moving through this process, instead of looping endlessly in one stage or another, you're in flow. And flow is Abundance.

Sounds miraculous, but let's take one last reality check here. Miracles come in tiny packages, as well as earth shattering, life changing ones. The first step might simply be a newfound awareness that nurturing can come in popped corn shared with a friend while you support each other by setting up a bill paying night each month. Wow! That alone saves you fifteen dollars a month that used to go to pizza delivery and extra ice cream. That's just one of your many new possibilities. All you have to do now is make each possibility you choose, real. You only have to choose one at first; the secret is in empowering your ability to change by actually following through and doing that one thing! Every time you do this and focus on the positive change you made (no matter how small), you've effectively killed off at least five "I can't do this" and six or seven "My finances are never going to change because I've got to--." Lasting, sustaining change begins small, but it's like an avalanche that will soon prove to be unstoppable, if you will take the time to really feel and recognize the power of that intangible "something" that sent the first rock tumbling down. So start with one thing and then let it roll!

Lisa McAlpine has over thirty years of experience in tax preparation and small business consulting--supporting her clients through the traumas of budgeting and decision making to expand and grow their businesses. You can contact her at [e-mail].