Rallying around Rosie. (notes from a blond).

Who didn't know that Rosie O'Donnell was gay? Nobody staring at this page. Nobody who ever thought of having anything below the waist pierced. Nobody who was a fan of Ricki Lake before she had a talk show. No teenage boy who at this moment is cutting stars out of crepe paper to decorate the gym for the prom, or teenage girl who is cutting home economics class to work on her layup. Nobody who watches Queer as Folk instead of The Practice, at least not until Dylan McDermott gets to do some really hot shower scenes--and not with Lara Flynn Boyle. Nobody who is spraying some old high heels the color of Halle Berry's Oscar dress so her son can wear them on a float in a parade.

Believe it or not, this leaves a lot of people out. The people who didn't know Rosie O'Donnell was gay are the same people who didn't know Nathan Lane or Ellen DeGeneres or Jesse Helms (just testing--are you still with me?) were gay until Nathan and Ellen told them. It probably didn't cross their radar, as often happens with celebrity figures who have never presented themselves primarily as romantic characters.

Nevertheless, once a public figure comes out, the media inevitably refer to him or her as "openly gay actor-writer-comedian-whatever," in much the way Red Buttons is called "Academy Award-winner Red Buttons" whenever he's identified in the press. Red won his Oscar over 40 years ago. Hopefully, it won't take that long for the "openly gay" distinction to disappear. But if you're going to have to live with it for quite a while, you'd better be sure you're comfortable with it before you come out.

I don't think that's why Rosie waited until her hugely successful talk-show deal was up. I don't think she was waiting until she was comfortable with coming out. I think she was waiting until other people were capable of comfort. Until the vast audience of mothers out there had fallen in love with her and had shared years of the tribulations and joys of everyday parenthood with her. Until she was truly extended family. Then, like so many ordinary gay people discover when they come out to their loved ones and coworkers, the shock, or whatever you want to call it, is easier to process. It is very easy to hate in the abstract but very difficult when you are face-to-face with someone who has already become a significant part of your life.

Chad Allen, who was costarring in a Western TV series when he was forced out by a tabloid, worried that the very macho crew of his show would shun him. But the exact opposite occurred. He had grown up with those guys, and they loved him. Their instinct was to support him, not because they were thoughtful and principled dudes but because they cared for him.

Rosie waited until a nation of housewives had taken her in as one of their own and then, framing her announcement in a context those fans could understand--parenthood--she finally revealed herself. She may not be the drum majorette in the pride parade, may not be willing to be the poster child for all things gay, and may have other priorities in her life--but I don't believe she has acted in a cynical or selfserving way. I think what she's done is pretty brilliant. Not only has she created a new high-profile public image for gay people--parents, as opposed to partygoers--but her take on her sexuality has, I know, encouraged a great many closeted people to take a deep breath and embark on their own journey out of the closet.

It's typical and of course ironic that when public figures come out after a long period of secrecy and whispers, their straight fans support them, but many of their gay fans, who were bitchy about them when they wouldn't come out, remain bitchy because they didn't come out sooner. As we used to say in the `60s, that's counterproductive. We're all driving this big gay bus together, those of us who want to have kids and grow roses and those of us who want to go to the White Party and be pansies. When people come out, famous or not, we need to welcome them and help them find whatever seat they want. Then we've all got to stay awake and keep our eyes on the road ahead.