RUTGERS DRIVES RATINGS?

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Want to hear the BCS' latest sickest scenario?

Today, No. 1 Ohio State knocks the living snot out of Schembechler-sobbing No. 2 Michigan, sending the leather helmets careening down the list, and No. 3 USC gets caught in Cal's bear trap, OK?

Next week, No. 4 Florida gets the Steve Irwin treatment from Florida State, No. 5 Notre Dame gets blindsided by two-loss USC and No.7 Arkansas is roasted on aspit by LSU -- you still with us?

And that leaves No. 6 Rutgers ... did you already forget about them?

After the Soprano Knights knock off Cincinnati, Syracuse and, finally, West Virginia on Dec. 2, they're the only other ``major'' undefeated team left in the country, correct (stop pining for Boise State)?

And everyone else who matters -- aside from Michigan (still licking its wounds) and Wisconsin (which had a 14-0 win over San Diego State and finishes today against 2-8 Buffalo to complete an 11-1 season) -- has at least two black marks, right?

So would Fox, which televises this year's title tilt, rather have you sit through a Buckeyes-Wolverines rematch for the national title, or does the fact the Jersey-made Rutgerettes draw from the No.1 (N.Y.) and No. 4 (Philly) TV markets result in some armtwisting to get them a date in Glendale, Ariz., against Ohio State?

Where the heck is a playoff system when we (again) need it?

One other consideration: Would you pay to see a USC-Texas rematch in, say, the Fiesta Bowl after all the chips fall where they may?

Is this also not a great system when a team like UCLA can stumble to the finish with a 6-6 record, finish below .500 in the Pac-10 and still might be fitted for Christmas Eve leis?

Does anyone recall Emmitt Smith ever pulling off an end-zone dance with a green garter on his arm?

Years from now, will historians equate Brandon Webb winning the NL CyYoung Award with Gino Torretta's Heisman Trophy?

Will Texas Tech basketball player Michael Prince be able to keep his chin up the rest of this season, or is he in danger of losing his roster spot to whomever supposedly won on that bogus Bob Knight reality show?

Does Cal State Northridge's basketball team have to score 159 points a night to finally get the attention of the campus hierarchy?

What about Dave Roberts roaming center field again for the Dodgers?

So you're saying soon-to-be science-fiction author O.J. Simpson didn't really do it?

Has the federal grand jury tried to pry a confession out of Greg Anderson by tickling him until he wets his pants?

Hear about the new Barry Bonds book, ``If I Took Steroids ...''?

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