RUNNING ON EMPTY WORKS FINE FOR RAMS.

Byline: NORMAN CHAD The NFL 

In the third grade, I had a pop quiz in geography and one of the questions was, ``Do you have to establish a running game first to be successful in the NFL?''

I answered no, flunked the quiz and was held back a year in school. But, alas, I was ahead of my time.

In their most recent game against the San Diego Chargers, the otherworldly St. Louis Rams did not call a running play in the first quarter. They opened the game with 14 straight passes and won 57-31.

Now, some of you may recall that the Rams have a player by the name of Marshall Faulk. So, the Rams have arguably the best running back in the league, and they don't run the ball.

Huh. Why?

They have an alien quarterback (Kurt Warner) who could complete a pass from Mars to Pluto. They have a group of receivers (Isaac Bruce, Az-Zahir Hakim, Torry Holt) so fast, each could outrun mercury from a broken thermometer.

They have a coach (Mike Martz) who believes the shortest distance between two points is an 80-yard pass. Some teams practice a hurry-up offense. The Rams are a hurry-up offense.

Watching a Rams game is like watching a Jackie Chan movie in fast-forward. It's as if the Rams offense is on roller skates and the opposing defense is barefoot walking on broken glass.

All you can hope for is to get them outdoors, on grass, in bad weather, on a day Warner can't get his spaceship out of his space port.

St. Louis has scored at least 30 points in an NFL-record 11 straight games. The Rams' offense is so proficient, the red zone now extends to their own 20-yard line.

This week, the unbeaten Rams are a 17 1/2-point favorite at home against Atlanta. That's a large number but, frankly, the Rams might've been a 27 1/2-point favorite.

Since Warner took over at the outset of the 1999 season, the Rams have scored at least 21 points in all 21 games. Under Warner, the Rams have beaten the Falcons by scores of 35-7, 41-13 and 41-20.

Meanwhile, the Falcons' offense has not scored a touchdown in its last 26 possessions, breaking the American record previously held by George Costanza. This is what we call in the handicapping business ``fast cash in a paper bag.''

I will take the Rams and give the points.

(Strategy note: If I were coaching, I'd never use ``the silent count.'' Nobody can hear it.)

(Replay note: It still stinks.)

As always, the following point-spread picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

--Bengals at Steelers (-7 1/2): Dear coach Cowher: Kordell's 2-0, Kent's 0-3. Numbers don't lie, except on tax returns seeking to hide offshore business interests. Sincerely, Your Team of Destiny leader. . . . Bengals working on stretching both the defense and the limits of credibility. Pick: Steelers.

--Ravens at Redskins (-3 1/2): On offseason shopping spree, Redskins highhanded honcho Daniel M. Snyder spent $100 million on players and 99 cents on intangibles. . . . We should've known: Ravens defensive tapes were the buzz of the Sundance Film Festival. Pick: Ravens.

--Jets at Patriots (-3): My mail really slows down when Jets or Giants lose. But just a reminder to my New Jersey friends - the post office will not deliver your letter without a stamp. . . . Jets: Today 4-1, tomorrow 8-8, but this is Celebrate Ray Lucas Week for The Man. Pick: Jets.

--Chargers at Bills (-9 1/2): From what I can tell, Chargers coach Mike Riley's body has been possessed by Bruce Coslet. This is not a good thing. . . . Chargers' Jim Harbaugh (18 for 43 last week) has asked receivers to use Hertz's ``Never lost'' system. Pick: Bills.

--Raiders at Chiefs (-3): Britannica.com now indexes Raiders penalties by severity, stupidity and unsavoriness. . . . After 49ers game, INS authorities briefly detained Raiders K Sebastian Janikowski in locker room. Pick: Chiefs.

--Browns at Broncos (-11 1/2): Broncos' daily practice regimen: 11:15, tackling drills; 12:30, ``Best of Elway'' clips; 2:45, chop-blocking drills; 4:10, Bill and Julie Romanowski hand out treats! Pick: Browns.

--Eagles (-2 1/2) at Cardinals: Cardinals QB Jake Plummer has gone two straight games without throwing an interception, which would be like Al Gore going two straight weeks without telling a lie. Pick: Cardinals.

--Jaguars at Titans (-5 1/2): I'm tired of hearing how Titans have never ever ever lost at Adelphia Coliseum. When did the stadium open, during the Byzantine Empire? Pick: Jaguars.

--Vikings (-5 1/2) at Bears: To drown out boos, Bears QB Cade McNown tunes his helmet radio to Rush Limbaugh. Pick: Vikings.

--Cowboys at Giants (-4): Giants offense has a lot of the same trappings of early 1970s Czech economy. . . . Giants: Today 4-2, tomorrow 8-8. Pick: Cowboys.

--Colts (-5) at Seahawks: During games, Colts reserve running backs generally like to do the Sunday crossword. Pick: Seahawks.

--49ers at Packers (-4): I don't want to say 49ers are cash-strapped, but Bill Walsh was in Target the other day looking for kicking tees. Pick: Packers.

--Panthers at Saints (-1): Key factor: Rick Venturi is assistant head coach for Saints. Pick: Panthers.

Last week: 7-6-1.

Season record: 48-37-1.