RULE-MAKERS NEED TO WAKE UP.

Byline: STEVE DILBECK

PACIFIC PALISADES - Wake up, golf, you have a tour to run - with all available stars in attendance.

Come on, snap out of it. Throw some cold water on the face, not on the weekly tournament.

Admittedly, a responsible adult should be able to handle something as difficult as, say, a wake-up call.

How Retief Goosen managed to miss his 6:40 a.m. tee time for Wednesday's Pro-Am at the Nissan Open is uncertain, though those drinks he imbibed the night before as host of a Grey Goose vodka party at the Riviera Country Club loom on the suspicious side.

So he overslept, and as punishment, the No. 5 player in the world was bounced right out of the Nissan Open.

As in: Go home, you can't play.

This remarkable bit of sporting logic could only exist in the archaic world of the PGA, where rules come down from golfing Mount Sinai and failure to follow them is cause for disqualification, or a weekend spent listening to Michael Jackson's makeup tips.

It's so self-defeating, so ridiculous, you wonder why golf never thought of this before. Truth is, the rule has only been in effect for two years.

And what a snappy little regulation it is. It has absolutely nothing to do with the actual competition that begins the following day, but it can take a star right out of the show.

It can take him away from the fans and strip him from the tournament.

All because he missed playing with a bunch of the well-heeled on a Wednesday morning goodwill match.

``They have a rule and I guess the rule is the rule, so there you go,'' said Adam Scott, tied for third after Thursday's opening round.

There you go. Clear as could be.

Now it's easy to understand that the PGA has to be able to enforce its rule requiring tournament players to participate in Pro-Ams.

These ``sponsors'' are paying up to $10,000 to play a round of golf at a tournament with a PGA player. If everyone was suddenly too tired or too hung over or too disinterested to show up, pretty soon there's no chummy Pro-Am and no financial boost to the tournament.

But complete disqualification is nonsensical. Playing or not playing in the Pro-Am offers no competitive advantage. There's no cheating here, no missing a stroke or kicking the ball from out under a tree or using an illegal driver.

It's just strange.

``It is a little bit, you know?'' Scott said. ``I'm sure the tournament would like to have Retief back in the field, but there must be a reason why they do it. I'm not too sure.''

OK, fine him, make him start the tournament down a stroke, tell him he has to putt on the 16th while reciting the Gettysburg Address.

Just don't kick him completely out of the tournament.

``It's a PGA Tour rule and the rules are there for ... they are set down for the PGA Tour,'' said Darren Clarke, tied for second. ``It's a tough rule. But that's what they are there for.''

Right, to be tough, no matter what. Golf, it makes the Army proud.

Golf has more peculiar rules than all other sports combined. You'd have better luck computing quarterback ratings.

For example, players still must sign their scorecards.

Note to the PGA: It's 2005. Every other sport in the world has scorekeepers. Electric scoreboards. Golf, too, they just aren't official.

It's not like it's difficult to keep track of a golf score. No semesters at MIT are required. A third grader could pull this off.

If a player does not sign his scorecard or his addition is a stroke off to his benefit or the third ``T'' is not crossed, it's disqualification. Sign it and accidentally give yourself an extra stroke, and that stroke becomes permanent.

If you're Robert De Vicenzo at the 1968 Masters, it's tough luck, baby, that's golf. That's the way it's always been.

If you're Craig Stadler at Torrey Pines with a lie under a tree, have to kneel to take your swing and set down a towel on the damp grass to keep your slacks from getting wet, and some bozo watching on TV with nothing else to do calls in and says you were building a stance ... you just signed your card without the proper penalty and are DQ'ed.

It isn't like golf isn't an irritating enough game on its own.

Two years ago, the punishment for not showing up for your Pro-Am foursome was to be deducted points toward your PGA pension.

The PGA's nine-member advisory committee, which consists of four current players, drew upon the sport's long history of convoluted regulations and came up with this DQ special.

``I guess, you know, they put it in there for a reason,'' Clarke said. ``It's a shame not to have him in the tournament, but tha that was broken.

``It's a harsh rule, but it's there. So I guess you got to abide by it.''

Even if it means knocking out one of the few top-ranked players deciding to play Riviera. Vijay Singh, Ernie Els, Phil Mickelson and Sergio Garcia all took a pass.

The only player now at the Nissan currently ranked in the Top Five is Tiger Woods.

Apparently he has this wake-up service thing down. You'd think Goosen's caddy or clubbie or concierge or somebody would be able to make sure he wakes up on time for the Pro-Am

And you'd think if he did not, he'd still be able to tee it up on opening day.

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo:

Retief Goosen won't have any shots to size up at the Nissan Open after missing his tee time Thursday.

Stuart Franklin/Getty Images