RUELAS STEPS OUT OF RING.

Byline: MICHAEL ROSENTHAL Boxing

As the bell rang to signal the beginning of his bout with John Brown on Oct. 24 in Atlantic City, N.J., Gabriel Ruelas said the first thought that popped into his head was this:

``What the hell am I doing here?''

He fought like it, as if he didn't want to be in the ring with the sturdy little banger from Atlantic City, as if his dramatic up-and-down career was over before the first punches were exchanged and he knew it.

Of course, Ruelas lost. In fact, he was thrashed in much the same way he had thrashed Jimmy Garcia on the horrible night in 1995 that resulted in Garcia's death. In a way that makes you want to turn your head.

The one-sided bout was stopped by the referee in the eighth round, which apparently marks the end of Ruelas' career: He said his intention is never to fight again.

Not so much because he lost or how. He's lost before. No, he's walking away because the joy he once derived from a sport he loves was left in the ring that night he fought Garcia.

Ruelas, like so many in his unenviable position, never got over the tragedy. He thought he did, but it's clear now he didn't. His passion for the sport is gone. He evolved from a fine boxer into a simple slugger, as if to prove to everyone - including himself - that he wasn't afraid to hurt his opponent when in fact he was.

Anyone who followed his rise from a poor Arleta kid to world champion could see he wasn't the same fighter. Finally, he admitted what now seems obvious: Garcia's death ruined his career.

``You said it, I didn't,'' he said. ``That's how I feel sometimes when I'm alone. . . . I cuss or something and ask myself, `Why did this happen to me?'

``There's no way to explain the feeling. You have to kill someone to understand.''

Ruelas had faced adversity before and emerged triumphant.

In 1990, his right elbow was broken in a bout with Jeff Franklin and doctors wondered whether he'd ever fight again. A year later, with screws in an arm he can't completely straighten, he was back in the ring, ultimately winning the WBC super featherweight title when he easily outpointed one of the hottest fighters around, James Leija, in 1994.

However, a broken elbow cannot compare to Garcia's death.

Ruelas swore that he had accepted it, that it had simply become a part of him and he was ready to move on. Countless interviews with the media and a few with professional therapists had done the trick, he insisted. Only he didn't show it in the ring.

In his first fight after the Garcia tragedy, the stress apparently made him physically ill: He said afterward that he had severe flu symptoms. He went on with the bout but fought like an amateur and was knocked out by Azumah Nelson to lose his precious title.

In subsequent fights, he seemed to go through the motions, an approach to boxing that can get a fighter hurt. The only possible exception was a thrilling, give-and-take war against Arturo Gatti last year, which Gatti won by knockout.

What was going on in Ruelas' head? Too much, which was the problem. In every fight - and every sparring session, for that matter - he fought two opponents: Himself and the other guy in the ring, an impossible task. He fought himself in a tortuous, never-ending effort to push aside something that wouldn't go away - the Garcia tragedy - while competing against opponents trained to destroy him. He was relieved simply to get through fights.

He described his every step in boxing after Garcia's death as two sides of a coin, ``one great, one real bad, but only because of the Garcia thing. That's the only thing.''

Not to take anything away from Brown, but Ruelas appeared to be in this state of mind on Oct. 24. It's no wonder he lost his passion for boxing.

``I've almost forgotten who I used to be,'' Ruelas said, with sadness in his voice. ``I used to care only about winning, forget the money. Now, I try to prove to people and myself that I'm still the person I was. I really felt like it was double the work.

``Even when I won fights, I felt all this pressure. There was a lot of stress. I haven't been myself in a long time.''

Ruelas' wife, Leslie, cried when she talked about her husband's constant battle with the past.

She was one of those who believed Ruelas. She was convinced he had dealt with Garcia's death as well as can be expected because he said so and he doesn't openly express his emotions. When she finally realized that he had merely pushed it aside rather than truly face it - which precluded any chance of healing - she understood the pain he was experiencing.

And it kills her.

``I just know he thinks about Garcia (a lot), he's with him a lot,'' said Leslie Ruelas, trying but failing to hold back tears. ``He tried to go on and make a living the only way he knew how. I just feel so bad that I'm the one who's supposed to see (his pain) and I didn't.

``I always told him, `You have to go back to boxing (rather than slugging). You have to be who you used to be.' It just kills me he's been carrying this around with him.''

It kills Ruelas to speak negatively about boxing, a sport that gave him an identity, not to mention a measure of fame and fortune. He repeated over and over how indebted he felt and he could barely admit his passion had died.

But he didn't have to. It's obvious.

Now, Ruelas has the rest of his life to live. He and Leslie have two young boys, which should keep him busy. He has worked as a television commentator a number of times for Univision and talks about becoming a trainer or manager, which should provide him an income.

And then there's the matter of dealing with the Garcia situation.

Ruelas doesn't know how to go about it. He said life will provide a solution, while friends are pushing him to seek regular counseling until he sorts it out, which he said he'll consider.

One thing will help: He no longer will be throwing punches, which led him into this hell in the first place.

``A lot of things happened in my career, the elbow, Garcia, things that not everyone goes through'' he said, trying to be philosophical. ``Yet I should be thankful. It could be worse. Others go through worse things than that.

``Sometimes I tell myself, `Stop bitching about it. Just deal with it, deal with the rest of your life. Don't make it go away. Just deal with it. Just go on with life. That's all.' ''

Rabbit punches: Naseem Hamed's buffoonery is understandable: It earns him millions of dollars.

However, he should try mixing in a little boxing. His run-first, punch-second performance against Wayne McCullough on Saturday was a waste of 36 minutes. He's going to lose fans with too many more nights like that.

It was no wonder he was booed. . . .

Ricky Quiles, who knocked out Margarito Navarro in three rounds last month at the Country Club, will headline the Nov. 19 card at the Reseda venue. The junior middleweight's opponent has yet to be determined.

Also on the card, against to-be-named opponents: lightweight Juan Lazcano, light heavyweight Chris Johnson and Victor Ortiz and Eddie Gutierrez. . . .

In a special country club card on Saturday, unbeaten Carlos Navarro of Los Angeles faces Marcos Badillo in a 12-round junior featherweight bout. The card starts at 6 p.m. . . .

Peter Broudy, who oversaw the Oct. 22 card, said roughly 900 fans attended. Not bad for a Los Angeles venue these days.

Obviously, the recognizable names of Orlando Canizales and Alonzo Highsmith played a role.

``It reminded me of the '80s when this place was really up and running. It looks like the Country Club is back as a viable spot,'' Broudy said. . . .

Antonio Ramirez and Jose Badillo will meet next Monday at the Forum for the right to face Javier Jauregui in January for the Forum's junior lightweight tournament championship.

In the co-feature, Edgar Ruiz will take on Jose Luis Benitez in a 12-round fight for the vacant NABO welterweight title. Ruiz won the 1998 Mitsubishi welterweight tournament by beating Ricky Hesia, tournament-favorite Larry Dixon and Cuban Giorbis Barthelemy.

COMING UP

Saturday: On USSB, Virgil Hill faces Jimmy Hayes in a 12-round cruiserweight bout in Bismarck, N.D. Also, Jose Luis Gonzalez takes on Josh Dempsey in a 10-round heavyweight matchup.

Nov. 9: At the Forum, Antonio Ramirez faces Jose Badillo in a 10-round junior lightweight bout. Also, Edgar Ruiz fights Jose Luis Benitez for the vacant NABO welterweight title.

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BOX: COMING UP (see text)