ROMANCE AND HUMILIATION DATE MOVIE' STARS HAVE BEEN THERE, DONE THAT ... AND LIVE TO TELL ABOUT IT.

Byline: Bob Strauss Film Writer

For those who thought movies couldn't possibly get any more moronic than ``How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,'' there's ``Date Movie.''

A send-up of dumb romance film conventions, ``Date'' mixes rude, crude sight gags with references to ``Pretty Woman,'' ``Meet the Parents/Fockers,'' ``When Harry Met Sally ....'' ``King Kong'' and 100 or so more great cinematic love stories. Of course, any other movie its short-term memory target audience might recognize gets trashed, too.

They didn't need to do that. It turns out that the romance genre offers enough targets for snarky satire, and ``Date Movie's'' creators, director Aaron Seltzer and producer Jason Friedberg, who've worked on ``Scary Movie'' scripts in the past, hit every bull's-eye - usually with something gooey, putrid or otherwise disgusting. Below, ``Date Movie's'' lead actors discuss the finer points of totally embarrassing themselves in the name of love.

ALYSON HANNIGAN 

Plays: Julia Jones, overweight Greek restaurant waitress extremely made over into winsome fiancee of cute Grant Fonckyerdoder.

Also known as: Sexually voracious Michelle in the ``American Pie'' movies. Sexually confused Willow on ``Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.'' Sexually suggestive Lily on ``How I Met Your Mother.''

Worst date: ``I was working at a video store at the time, and there was this older guy who would come in. He just seemed really lonely and sad. He asked me out, and I couldn't say no because I felt so bad for him. But the whole time I kept saying to myself, 'Why am I doing this?' ''

Worst thing done for 'Date Movie': ``Beating up the homeless guy just seemed so horrible. But it was very interesting to do a fight and be so happy about it, because the fights I'm used to doing are, like, 'No! Don't bite me!' So, to fight like it was lovely and romantic was really a change. But really, what was going on in that scene was my shoes went flying off every single take. So I don't recommend wearing those little Marc Jacobs shoes if you ever get into a street fight, because they don't stay on.''

Feelings about romantic movies: ``I'm such a sucker for romance. And I'm slightly scared that I've completely sabotaged any chance I'll have of ever being in a real romantic movie.''

Feelings about romantic comedy superstar Hugh Grant, who was making a movie on the soundstage next door: ``Of course it happens to me. He was doing `American Dreamz' right next to our stage on the same lot, and I've always thought he was very charming and cute. But, like the two times I saw him were, one, when I was in the big girl suit right after they'd hosed me down, and the other time I was normal but I'd just gotten this huge, prosthetic zit put on my chin.'' He's like, 'What are they doing to you?' He was really polite and sweet. I told him we might be spoofing him.''

On exchanging dialogue with a naked Australian woman: ``Probably not as hard for me as it was for Adam. But props were definitely very important in that scene. I just did whatever I could to make Sophie feel comfortable. 'Yeah, I don't think anybody can see anything.' I'd whisper things like that.''

ADAM CAMPBELL 

Plays: Grant Fonckyerdoder, cute English fiance of Julia, ex-fiance of Andy.

Also known as: Nobody. This is the 25-year-old English actor's first movie.

Worst date: ``I went out with a girl once. She didn't think it was a date, but I did. I got all dressed up and we went to a nice restaurant. I still paid for the thing, it cost a lot of money, but most of the conversation was talking about how we could hook her up with a friend of mine. And I haven't dated since (sniff).''

Worst thing done for `Date Movie'': ``It's funny, but something about putting on Julia Roberts' hooker outfit and high heels and walking down Rodeo Drive, it felt ... right. I totally see the appeal. And my weekends have changed now. Friday night, I'm a different person until late Sunday. No, that was an experience I'm quite willing not to do again.''

Feelings about romantic movies: ``I enjoy going to them. They're good to go to if it's a date, because you can emotionally manipulate the woman you're with. That's why we go.''

Feelings about romantic comedy superstar Hugh Grant, who was making a movie on the soundstage next door: ``His trailer was, like, 100 yards away from mine, and it was also about 100 times bigger. I've always thought he was a brilliant actor and I was kind of star-struck by just seeing him walking around the set and stuff. But I never actually approached him. I hope he forgives me for any kind of references he feels that I might have made in 'Date Movie.' ''

On exchanging dialogue with a naked Australian woman: ``She had elasti-plasts - what do you call them? Pasties? - on, they ensured that she didn't expose herself. Which was good for me, too, because I had to do the scene with her and that would have been quite distracting.''

SOPHIE MONK

Plays: Andy, Julia's evil rival for Grant's affections.

Also known as: Platinum-selling Australian recording artist. Member of girl group Bardot. Marilyn Monroe in TV movie ``The Mystery of Natalie Wood.''

Worst date: All of them. ``It's usually because of me, as well, because I get really nervous. I'm really bad. I had one boyfriend since high school, and we broke up not so long ago. So I'm like a teenager when it comes to dating. I laugh loud or they'll talk to me when there's food hanging out of my mouth. I'm terrible. I'm not good with dates.''

Worst thing done for ``Date Movie'': Parody of Paris Hilton's Carls Jr. commercial. ``Too many hamburgers for that scene. They just kept whipping them out. And I'm a vegetarian! I thought, surely they're going to run out soon. But they kept coming out with fresh burgers.''

Feelings about romantic movies: ``I do like them. But I don't really like girly-girl movies. I prefer movies that boys like. With cars.''

Worst feeling ever from a romantic movie: ``I actually walked out of 'Legends of the Fall' crying. Not because of the movie, but because I felt ripped off in life when I realized that I'd never be with Brad Pitt. I was, like, 12 or something.''

On exchanging dialogue and being a naked Australian woman: ``I wasn't entirely nude. But it's kind of just your job, so you just do it. I've done lots of dancing, getting changed on side stage and that sort of thing. As long as it's in fun; I wasn't doing it to be overly sexy or anything.

``But it's funny, because I'm really self-conscious at the beach. I'll only wear shorts, I won't ever even wear bikinis.''

EDDIE GRIFFIN

Plays: Frank Jones, Julia's, um, Greek father.

Also known as: The Undercover Brother in ``Undercover Brother.'' TJ the pimp in the ``Deuce Bigalow'' movies. Eddie on the ``Malcolm & Eddie'' show.

Worst date: ``Hmm, worst date. I ain't had a bad date, all of 'em been good. Yes, I make good choices in b---es. Did I say that? No, I've never had a bad date.''

Not even as an awkward teenager?

``No. When I was an awkward teenager, I didn't get no dates.''

An obviously sensitive male's insights on ``Date Movie's'' attitude toward women: ``I don't know if it's misogynistic or not. Me, myself, I don't get into that. Y'know, it's a comedy. We're not trying to build a space shuttle or save a country. It's just something for you to enjoy. It's called 'Date Movie,' y'know? It's not called 'Hi, I'm Gonna Save Your Daughter From the Misogynistic Men Across America.' ''

Worst thing ever done for ``Date Movie'': Spitting up a fur ball composed of father-of-the-groom Bernie Fonckyerdoder's (Fred Willard) sweaty chest hair.

``I don't even know what that stuff was made out of. Something simple, they dipped it in a bucket of water and put it in my mouth. Had to do two takes. Somehow, the first time, I didn't throw it up right. I ain't never had a fur ball, y'know.''

Feelings about romantic movies: ``Yes, I love 'em. `Scarface'! That's romance there. Whew!''

Worst romantic movie ever seen: `` 'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.' Curse of my career. That's the last one of them. TJ the pimp is done.''

On not exchanging dialogue with a naked Australian woman: ``I wasn't there that day. I missed it. That's too bad.''

Bob Strauss, [phone]

bob.strauss(at)dailynews.com

CAPTION(S):

6 photos

Photo:

(1 -- cover -- color) ROMANTIC RIFFS

The cast members of `Date Movie' tell their horror stories

(2) Alyson Hanigan is a fat woman who sheds pounds and a dowdy image (a la ``Shallow Hal'' and ``My Big Fat Greek Wedding'') in ``Date Movie.''

(3) HANNIGAN

(4) Newcomer Adam Campbell has a ``Pretty Woman'' moment in the film.

(5) Sophie Monk - a vegetarian in real life - says her worst moment when shooting ``Date Movie'' was re-enacting this Paris Hilton-esque hamburger commercial.

(6) Eddie Griffin, as Hanigan's father in ``Date Movie,'' has some rather unusual physical attributes.