RODMAN ISN'T BAD - GOLF ANNOUNCERS ARE.

Byline: KEVIN MODESTI

The long and short of it:

So it's unanimous that the Lakers screwed up by signing Dennis Rodman? Well, no. He was a worthwhile gamble in an oddball season, and they do have a better shot at the NBA title with him than without him.

And if Rodman's signing reflected turmoil in the Lakers' front office, that turmoil would have existed whether or not they'd signed him.

For those who claim they absolutely, positively knew Rodman would be more trouble than he's worth: What kind of coin did you flip?

The ``yes'' side of the ``are golfers athletes?'' debate took a 9-iron in the chin over the weekend in all that weepy talk about Jose Maria Olazabal's old injury.

In the melodramatic language of TV golf commentators, Olazabal was ``unable to walk'' for a time in 1996 because a back condition caused severe foot pain. It was as if he'd risen from the dead to win the Masters. Not to minimize it, but the plain truth is, he had an injury and he came back strong, just as men and women in other sports are required to do all the time.

Example: If Jose Vizcaino hits a game-winning home run for the Dodgers this year, you won't hear anybody saying, ``Last summer he was unable to walk. Tonight he makes the triumphant walk to the dugout. . .'' They'll say, ``He spent 48 days on the DL with a sprained ankle last summer. Looks OK now.''

Of course, the Masters commentators are generally full of it, because Augusta National likes them that way. As far as they're concerned, nobody ever hits a bad ball. Somebody's middle-iron shot landed 50 yards to the right of the target Sunday, and the announcer said cheerily, ``He'll have a lot of green to work with.'' A short chip skittered off the back of the green, and the guy said, ``An indifferent chip by Davis Love.'' Indifferent!

If JFK had been shot at Augusta, Walter Cronkite would have been forced to say something like, ``Lee Harvey Oswald, bless his heart, can never be accused of blind patriotism.''

This might be it for Wayne Gretzky. As for Jim Brown, Sandy Koufax and Michael Jordan, better a year too soon than a year too late.

Odd, but the advertising all over Dodger Stadium actually jazzes up the park's appearance.

In fact, baseball, whether viewed in person or on TV, has never looked better, from the uniforms to the ballparks to the grass.

About that grass: A colleague who covered the New York Yankees' workout at Dodger Stadium - the day before the recent exhibition games there - noticed the field's deep green hue and absence of the usual early-spring brown spots. Then, as he typed in the press box, onto the field rolled one of those trucks with rows of water spouts at the back. Only what came out wasn't plain old water but some kind of green liquid.

Half of this season's Major League Soccer games have ended with tie-breaking shootouts, which seem to be unpopular with players and fans. Which raises the question, What's wrong with ties, anyway?

Miami Dolphins wide receiver Tony Martin on why he's sure money-laundering charges won't keep him out of training camp: ``I believe in myself and the Lord.'' In that order? In other words: ``God is my flight attendant.''

Davey Johnson, who has a math degree and keeps a personal computer on his clubhouse desk, on the way Earl Weaver used to set the Baltimore Orioles' lineup according to batter-pitcher matchup statistics recorded with pencil and paper: ``He'd say, `I'm sitting you down because you're only 1 for 5 against this guy, and so-and-so is 2 for 4.' I'd tell him about the standard-deviation charts, and how it would take 1,000 repetitions before those numbers would be meaningful, and he'd say, `I don't want to hear about it.' (Don) Baylor would go 4 for 5 and he wouldn't be in the lineup the next night. We'd say, `It's not like he's in a slump.' Earl would say, `If I play him against this (pitcher), he will be.' ''

It's definitely baseball season when you read stats like this: ``Tiger Stadium opened in 1912, and never before had a home opener at the ballpark been scoreless going into extra innings . . .''

After seeing David Wells take an artificial-turf grounder off his ankle in Toronto, do you wonder about the safety of the plate-to-mound dirt path in Arizona?

Upsets in three major Kentucky Derby preps last weekend mean the May 1 race could draw the maximum 20 horses for the first time since Swale's Derby in 1984. If more than 20 try to enter, earnings will be the qualifier.

Mark Calcavecchia should never have made his cold-hearted statement that Arnold Palmer ought to quit playing the Masters because the 69-year-old can't keep up with the younger golfers. On the other hand, Calcavecchia was right.

And finally: I'm here for you, Brooke.