ROCKIN ON AIR FILMMAKERS SEE SOMETHING IN THOSE STRUMMING A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING.

Byline: Glenn Whipp

Film Writer

Guitarist Dan Crane remembers being in a basement bar in Finland just after a performance. The place was jumping, "Rock Me Like a Hurricane" was blasting on the stereo, and a beautiful young woman -- you could call her a groupie; hell, she calls herself a groupie -- was sitting on Crane's knee, getting up close and personal.

Crane was thinking: "If this isn't rock 'n' roll, then I don't know what is."

Point of clarification: We'll tell you what it is -- it's air guitar. Which is kind of like rock 'n' roll, of course, only without ... you know ... the actual instruments and vocals and such. Crane was in Finland, competing in the 2003 World Air Guitar Championships, an event chronicled in the insanely fun new documentary "Air Guitar Nation," which opens today in Los Angeles at the Nuart Theater.

The movie captures the birth -- not of air guitar, since guys (and this is predominantly a guy thing) have been strumming imaginary instruments since they dwelled in caves and not every ape man could lay hands on clubs and rocks for rhythmic pounding. (In that light, air guitar's twin milestones (if that is the right word), "Beavis & Butthead" and "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," aren't the huge leap forward they would seem from those early beginnings.)

No, "Air Guitar Nation" captures the birth of America's involvement in the "sport," a competition that might have remained unknown in the States had not two friends traveled to Finland and decided that the U.S. of A needed an air guitar champion of its own, someone who would compete in the world championship event and bring the title home.

Kriston Rucker and Cedric Devitt flew to Helsinki, Finland, in the summer of 2002 after reading a Wall Street Journal story on the World Air Guitar Championships.

"It's one of those things that sounds so stupid that you know it has to be a lot of fun," Devitt says.

Devitt entered the event as a wild card and wound up taking fourth prize after a manic performance of Thin Lizzy's "Johnny." Surprised there wasn't a representative from the United States, Devitt and Rucker set their minds on holding the first U.S. Air Guitar Championship.

"Air Guitar Nation" has some footage from that trip to Finland but begins in earnest with the first U.S. event, an East Coast heat held at New York's Pussycat Lounge, a small club above a strip joint. There we meet the movie's two stars and antagonists:

David Jung, aka C. Diddy, an overweight Korean-American who wears a "Hello Kitty" breastplate, and Crane, aka Bjorn Turoque, a swaggering purist who believes he's better than everyone, even though no one else seems to share that lofty opinion.

"Air Guitar Nation" was initially aimed at VH1, but the network passed because of the costs involved in song licensing. The producers, having already paid Finland to license a U.S. event, decided to plow forward. And as the characters -- and what other word is there, really, for rockin' mimes? -- emerged, first in New York, then at a West Coast heat in Los Angeles, the filmmakers decided to return to Finland with the winners and follow the thing through.

The biggest surprise in the movie is that, as Crane puts it, "it isn't dork central."

"It has comedy and sexiness and balls-out rocking," Crane says.

"Yeah, sometimes you get dorks on stage, but they manage to transcend their dorkiness."

"Air guitar is a private activity that most people do that's now been brought to the stage for public consumption," says Gordon Hinz, an air guitarist featured in the movie who has gone into politics. "That's why it resonates."

Adds Devitt: "Air guitar was the same as masturbation. There was a shroud of secretiveness around it. Well, we've kicked the bedroom door open -- for air guitarists, at least."

The sport's Finnish organizers emphasize a world peace angle, saying that if you hold an air guitar, you can't hold a gun. But "Air Guitar Nation" turns on Crane's relentless pursuit of Jung and the victory he believes is rightly his.

Crane's obsession with air guitar shows no signs of abating, either. He wrote a book on the subject and will be hosting this year's regional events. As for C. Diddy, it's known that he's an aspiring actor and writer and that he started his own company selling pooper scoopers. Otherwise, nobody has heard from him.

Says "Air Guitar Nation" director Alexandra Lipsitz: "He's in seclusion, waiting for a message from God to guide him to the next moment."

"Or he's picking up dog (poop)," interjects Crane. "That's what I like to think he's doing."

Glenn Whipp, [phone]

[e-mail]

Air guitar gods

C. DIDDY

Real name: David Jung

Day job: Part-time actor, aspiring screenwriter. President of Puds Scooper, an online purveyor of pooper scoopers.

Alter ego: C. Diddy wears Spandex pants and a Hello Kitty backpack as breastplate armor, which covers part of his chest but leaves plenty of room for his ample, Buddha-like girth. The ridiculous costume belies a confidence and craft that is as imposing as C. Diddy's stomach.

Signature song: "Play With Me," by Extreme.

Power move: Kung-fu-fighting fretwork.

Quote: "C. Diddy gets to do the things I've always wanted to do."

BJORN TUROQUE

Real name: Dan Crane

Day job: Works the air guitar circuit as a judge and emcee, fronts his own rock band, a faux French outfit called Nous Non Plus.

Alter ego: With the aviator sunglasses, tight striped pants and artfully disheveled bed-head hairstyle, Bjorn Turoque (pronounced B-yorn To-Rawk) is clearly aping Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, circa "Exile on Main St." He aims for the same swagger as Keef, too, and is a bit standoffish.

Signature song: "Set Me Free," by Sweet.

Power move: Taking a break midsong to puff on a substance not legal in the United States.

Quote: "Make air, not war."

KRYE TUFF 

Real name: Gordon Hintz

Day job: Wisconsin state assemblyman.

Alter ego: Before becoming an elected official, Hintz crunched numbers for the Long Beach Department of Financial Management. Alter ego Tuff, on the other hand, wears his glam-rock roots on his sleeve, sporting black Spandex -- no easy thing, considering he's 6-foot-1 and weighs 210 pounds.

Signature song: "Talk Dirty to Me," by Poison.

Power move: The knee slide.

Quote: "Most people understand that I take my job as a state representative very seriously," Hintz says from Oshkosh, "but I have a sense of humor as well as an appreciation for metal and glam-rock performers. I am not milking it, but I'm not going to run from it either."

Air guitar tips

Make your minute count.

Air guitar contestants have exactly 60 seconds to put across their song. By the time you hoist your imaginary guitar strap over your shoulder, it's almost over. So don't just pick a sequential 60 seconds from your favorite guitar solo. Be imaginative. Edit together the best solos and rhythm sections from your chosen tune, creating a piece of theater.

"Think of it as a dramatic or comedic statement," says Kriston Rucker, the co-founder and co-commissioner of the U.S. Air Guitar events. "There should be a beginning, a middle and an end. There has to be some drama to it." Adds air guitar veteran Dan Crane, aka Bjorn Turoque: "The worst mistake you can make is just doing a solo. That's so boring. There's nothing there. You've got to tell a story."

Pick a song with dramatic tempo changes.

In "Air Guitar Nation," we see C. Diddy unleashing his self-described "Asian fury" on Extreme's classically tinged metal opus "Play With Me," a song that you might remember Keanu Reeves jamming to in "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure."

"That song is actually kind of crappy, but C. Diddy did an amazing edit, picking out all the best moments and making it into his own unique thing," Crane says. "It stops and starts. It's got this amazing guitar work that lets C. Diddy fly."

Engage the audience.

"The judges definitely respond to how the crowd is responding," says Cedric Devitt, co-founder and co-commissioner of U.S. Air Guitar. "If the crowd isn't on your side, you're not gonna win."

Choose a good stage name.

"Just don't put 'Air' in the title," says "Air Guitar Nation" director Alexandra Lipsitz. "It's been done -- and done -- and done."

Get drunk -- but not too drunk.

"In Finland, there's a three-beer rule before you get up on stage," Rucker says. "With me, it takes a case. But then, that's why I don't compete."

-- G.W.

CAPTION(S):

5 photos, 2 boxes

Photo:

(1 -- cover -- color) they will ROCK YOU

'Air Guitar Nation' needs no instruments to strike a pose

(2) no caption (man playing air guitar)

(3) C. DIDDY

(4) BJORN TUROQUE

(5) KRYE TUFF

Box:

(1) Air guitar gods (see text)

(2) Air guitar tips (see text)