REVIEW; IT'S ELEMENTARY - 'TRIXIE' MISSING A FEW CLUES.

Byline: Bob Strauss Film Critic

In the endurance test disguised as a detective movie spoof called ``Trixie,'' Emily Watson speaks exclusively in malapropisms, Nick Nolte voices nothing but hot air and everybody else says exactly what you'd expect them to at any given moment.

Watson's title Trixie is a security guard who, despite evident mental limitations, is determined to prove herself as a private eye. Via her new assignment at an upstate casino, she has ample opportunity to encounter suspicious characters, including Nolte's windbag politician, Dermot Mulroney's klutzy ladykiller, Nathan Lane's ex-con entertainer and two women of fluid morals and uncertain self-worth, played by Lesley Ann Warren and Brittany Murphy.

There's a runaway, some beatings, a mysterious death. Believing that it's time to fish or get off the pot, Trixie is going to grab the bull by the tail and look him in the eye, then get her man by hook or ladder.

Really. She says so - endlessly.

Imagine two hours of dialogue like that. No, not dialogue, just setups for Watson to mangle more aphorisms.

When she's not snapping gum.

Which is irritating, too.

The movie was co-written and directed by Alan Rudolph and produced by Robert Altman, and it exhibits the worst tendencies of both filmmakers: Rudolph's to stroke a precious conceit to inflamed rawness (``Welcome to L.A.,'' last year's ``Breakfast of Champions''), Altman's to permit actors to indulge themselves well beyond the point of watchability (``Popeye,'' ``Kansas City,'' roughly half of ``Short Cuts'').

These two are, of course, also first-class filmmakers whose movies are, more often than not, truly special. The same can be said of the general run of work the fine ensemble members can claim.

But everything about ``Trixie'' - comic timing, plot structure, basic premise - is so off that not all the talent in the world can set it on the right track. If you need proof, you can see a good chunk of it trying to and failing here.

But take my word for it: You don't need proof that badly.

THE FACTS

--The film: ``Trixie'' (R; sex, nudity, language, violence).

--The stars: Emily Watson, Dermot Mulroney, Nick Nolte, Nathan Lane, Lesley Ann Warren, Brittany Murphy.

--Behind the scenes: Directed by Alan Rudolph. Written by Rudolph and John Binder. Produced by Robert Altman. Released by Sony Pictures Classics.

--Running time: One hour, 57 minutes.

--Playing: Town Center 5, Encino; Playhouse 7, Pasadena; Sunset 5, West Hollywood; Monica, Santa Monica.

--Our rating: One star

CAPTION(S):

photo, box

Photo: Flawed elements of ``Trixie'' are not saved by Emily Watson's weak performance as a wanna-be private eye and Nathan Lane's predictable attempt as an ex-con entertainer.

Box: THE FACTS (see text)