RELATIONSHIPS: Star man; Do Cancerians hide dirty thoughts under their sensitive shells? And are Leos really like lions in bed? Astrologer RICHARD MACDONALD reveals the sex secrets of the zodiac.
Byline: RICHARD MACDONALD
ARIES Aries (âr`ēz) [Lat.,=the ram], constellation lying on the ecliptic (the sun's apparent path through the heavens) between Taurus and Pisces; it is one of the constellations of the zodiac. It contains the bright star Hamal (Alpha Arietis). (March 21 - April 20)
An Aries will sleep with anything that moves. His definition of fidelity is not thinking of someone else while he's with you. He gets bored with regular sex, so keep him guessing and keep him wanting more. The kinkier the scene, the better. Oh, and he thinks he looks good in the nude. But he doesn't.
TAURUS (April 21 - May 21)
Finesse, charm and grace are not the Taurean man's traits. Exaggerated, theatrical, over-excited is more his thing. Think bulls rutting - big, ungainly and all over in a second. He doesn't like to be thwarted, so you'll have to give him the brush-off brush·off also brush-off
An abrupt dismissal or snub.
Noun 1. brush-off - a curt or disdainful rejection
rejection - the act of rejecting something; "his proposals were met with rejection" in no uncertain terms. "I don't want to sleep with you, you are disgusting!" should do it.
GEMINI (May 22 - June 22)
Sex with a Gemini is boring, sad and a bit wet because he's a bit of a hand-holding, old-fashioned prude prude
One who is excessively concerned with being or appearing to be proper, modest, or righteous.
[French, short for prude femme, virtuous woman : Old French prude . According to according to
1. As stated or indicated by; on the authority of: according to historians.
2. In keeping with: according to instructions.
3. his own curious code of conduct he is faithful, but God help you if you stray. No one betrays a Gemini and gets away with it. When he's dumped his world collapses, even though it happens so often he should be used to it by now.
CANCER (June 23 - July 23)
If you thought Cancerians were cautious, sensitive and strait-laced, think again. Under that soft shell they are dirty-minded creatures. He'll keep his quirky desires hidden until you're hooked - then he'll expect you to perform all manner of deviant acts of sexual depravity. But once the first flush It is well known in urban hydrology, that the constituents are normally more concentrated in the first part of runoff. This phenomenon was already described in the beginning of the 20th century (METCALF AND EDDY, 1916) as “first flush” or of love has worn off, he'll turn all his attention back to the gardening.
LEO (July 24 - August 23)
There's no middle ground with a Leo. He can be a tiger or a pussy-cat, indifferent or over-demanding, turned off or turned on. He will either rip your clothes off or not touch you with a barge pole. He either wants sex 10 times a night or not at all. His idea of a good night's action involves you seeing to all his needs - but don't expect your hard work to be reciprocated.
VIRGO (August 24 - September 23)
If your bed is surrounded by stuffed animals and you like sex to be quick and clean, you'll be happy with a Virgo. But if you want sexy, fun, adventurous action prepare to be disappointed. Virgos like routine - touch this bit first, do that next, then this - every time. Stick to the script, or he'll sulk. And, no, you can't have a fag afterwards.
LIBRA (September 24 - Oct 23)
A Libran male thinks with his groin. For him, sex is the answer to all life's problems. In fact, life's only problem is where his next romp is coming from. He's good in bed and doesn't he let you know it, even if you don't ask. He'll use his considerable charms to seduce you, but it'll only last until your clothes are off. Oh, and he'll cast you aside once the novelty has worn off.
SCORPIO (October 24 - November 22)
If you are going to sleep with a Scorpio you need plenty of stamina because he likes to make love for a long time. He also likes doing it in public places - he'd do it on the street if he thought it would make him more of a catch. Scorpios are jealous lovers, so don't be unfaithful. If you do betray him, he'll seek revenge. Dark, dangerous, mad and sadistic sa·dism
1. The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty. are key Scorpio words... you have been warned.
SAGITTARIUS (November 23 - December 21)
For the lazy Sagittarian, bed is a place to kip. Why waste all that effort having sex when you could be asleep? He'd wallow wallow
mud bath frequented by pigs, elephants, red deer, hippopotami as a cooling aid. in his pit all day if he could, so the idea of it being a sexy hideaway is alien to him. Even if you do lure him between the sheets, he's a hopeless lover. Forget experience, flare, technique and a loving touch - a Sagittarian values speed over everything.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 20)
Capricorns are private people who don't like to be asked what they're thinking. But once his clothes are off he'll lose all inhibitions. He won't initiate things, though, so be prepared to work for it. Once in the sack, he'll surprise you with his stamina and exhaust you with his energy. He may lack finesse, but he's got staying power. Brace yourself.
AQUARIUS (January 21 - February 19)
Spontaneous? Yes. Exciting? Sometimes. Educational? Always. With an Aquarian, you'll end up having sex in all manner of bizarre places. Trouble is, he thinks everything can be programmed and pigeon-holed, and he'll never get to grips with his feelings and emotions.
PISCES Pisces (pī`sēz) [Lat.,=the fishes], constellation lying directly S of Andromeda and on the ecliptic (the sun's apparent path through the heavens) between Aries and Aquarius; it is one of the constellations of the zodiac. (February 20 - March 20)
A Piscean man doesn't need sex, he wants power. While you reveal your fantasies and past lovers, he'll nod and stay schtum. He'll get you naked so you feel vulnerable, while he stays clothed and in control. Sadly, he's got more chance of getting you naked than any other sign. Just watch out for the weird threesomes and hot-tub gatherings he's got up his sleeve.
Adapted by ANDREA HENRY
Nasty Astrology by Richard MacDonald (Collins & Brown, pounds 6.99). To buy a copy, call Mirror Direct on 0870 0703 200.