REFLECTING ON THE GIFTS OF LIFE; BITTERSWEET PRIDE ENGULFS DONORS' FAMILY.

Byline: Evan Henerson

The cassette tape Tina Aguilera plugged into a small boom box contains no label, no introduction. She pressed the play button, and a woman's voice was heard singing a tribute to Aguilera and her family.

``Each day we live is a token we dedicate to you,'' went one line.

After the song is finished, Aguilera turned off the recorder and gave a small smile.

``I thought that was really ... I mean, they made up the words and they made up the tune, so they decided to send that to us,'' said Aguilera, a school liaison for the Monrovia Unified School District. ``So, I thought that was nice.''

The voice on the tape belongs to the wife of a man who now has the heart of Aguilera's son, Eddie. Aguilera doesn't know the heart recipient's name or anything about him. She'd like to know more about this man and about the people who were given Eddie's liver and kidneys. She would like to meet them someday.

Aguilera has met the man who has the heart of her other son, Joseph: Bob Linsey of San Diego, a 62-year-old widower. Linsey keeps a picture of Joseph in his wallet.

The Aguileras lost Joseph in 1996, Eddie, eight years before that.

For now, Aguilera is satisfied with the cassette tape message from an anonymous and grateful woman who - thanks to Eddie - is not a widow. After all, the Aguileras didn't become organ donors because they want something back.

``Too many people are dying,'' she says, simply.

As many as 10 people a day die because they don't get a donated organ in time, according to statistics compiled by the Regional Organ Procurement Agency.

As of Dec. 30, 1998, the national waiting list for people whose lives depend on an organ transplant had 64,579 names; of those, 3,700 live in the greater Los Angeles area.

Aguilera had no idea how great the need was back in 1988, when 20-year-old Eddie's death in Las Vegas forced her to confront the subject of organ donation for the first time.

``I had always thought I would donate my own organs, never thinking that my children would go first,'' she said. ``I told them all, `If anything happens to me, go ahead and donate whatever you can.' ''

Then Eddie died. The Aguileras decided to donate his organs.

``After Eddie, we all discussed it,'' she said. ``All my family will be donors.''

When Joseph was old enough, he had the pink dot - the symbol identifying him as an organ donor - put on his driver's license. At age 20, he was killed on the street while standing with a group of friends near a local church.

From the bodies of Aguilera's two sons, doctors were able to harvest hearts, kidneys, livers, eyes and skin. After the organs were removed from Joseph's body, the family was able to see him. His body had been repaired; it looked intact.

Two young sons, and twice donors. That history, along with the family's willingness to speak on behalf of organ donation, earned Tina and Everardo Aguilera, their son David and daughter Doris Slinger a trip to Washington, D.C., recently. The family represented donors from the greater Los Angeles area at the sixth annual National Donor Recognition Ceremony and Workshop.

Images of both sons were added to a memorial quilt being created for the ceremony in Washington. The Aguileras met other organ donor families from around the country.

``It can really provide a sense of closure,'' says Gary Cottongim, executive director of the Regional Organ Procurement Agency (ROPA) of Southern California.

``When these people are sitting in a room with several people like them, there's a great dynamic,'' he said. ``You've got people who all have a common story - and yet every story is different.''

It is rare for donor and recipient families to meet face to face. Both sides have to agree to meet, and reaching a comfort level with such an interaction can take months - even years.

Unless a meeting is arranged, the families of organ donors can never know much about the people their loved ones have helped. The organ procurement organization always acts as the go-between, carefully screening information that goes between the two parties. A donor family may learn, for example, that their son's heart went to ``a 52-year-old woman in Northern California'' but nothing else.

Similarly, the recipient of Eddie's heart would never be told how Eddie died.

The passage of time and her involvement on behalf of organ donation has helped Aguilera cope with her losses. The memories are still painful, particularly of Joseph, who, his mother calls ``mister perfectomundo.'' When she learned from ROPA transplant coordinator Barbara Lake that she had been selected for the national conference, Tina Aguilera said that she hung up the phone and burst out crying.

``It's beautiful,'' she said of being chosen to represent L.A.-area organ donors. ``It's nice, but it hurts. It's bittersweet.''

``You love your children, and you're sad they're gone,'' she said. ``But you have pride. You have a joy that God had a plan for them. And if this is his plan, then so be it.''

Making your life-saving wish known

Facts about organ donation:

There is a critical shortage of organ and tissue donors.

As of Dec. 30, 1998, there were 64,579 people on the national waiting list for a life-saving organ transplant. In greater Los Angeles, more than 3,700 people are on the list. Every 18 minutes, a new name is added to the list.

Donors can range from newborn to 80 years of age.

Simply signing and carrying a donor card or putting the pink dot on your driver's license isn't enough. Consent from your closest relative is required before donation can proceed. Tell your family about your decision so they can say yes for you. If you don't tell your loved ones about your feelings, your wish to donate organs might not be fulfilled.

One donor can help or save the lives of as many as 25 people.

There is no cost to the family to donate organs and tissues.

There is no mutilation or disfigurement to the donor's body, and donation does not interfere with funeral services. Family members may have a customary funeral service with open casket, if desired.

The vast majority of religions - including Protestant, Jewish, Catholic, Mormon and Seventh-day Adventist - support organ and tissue donation. If you have questions about the position of your church or synagogue, speak directly with your religious adviser.

Vital organ donation is considered only when all efforts to save the patient's life have failed and the patient is brain dead. The heart, lungs, kidneys, liver and pancreas continue to function with mechanical support. Once the heart stops beating, organs cannot be donated. However, body tissue including corneas, bone, skin, bone marrow and heart valves can be donated up to 24 hours after the death of the donor.

Even if you smoke and drink, you could still be an organ and tissue donor.

- Evan Henerson

CAPTION(S):

2 Photos, Box

Photo: (1--Cover--Color) Two sons, Twice donors

One family's losses became bittersweet gifts of life

Photo illustration by Dionisio Munoz/Daily News

(2) Tina and Everardo Aguilera, who lost two sons, recently represented organ donors from the greater Los Angeles area at the sixth annual National Donor Recognition Ceremony and Workshop.

Greg Andersen

Box: Making your life-saving wish known (See text)