RED, BLUE STATES AREN'T SO DIFFERENT DESPITE 'CULTURE WAR' RHETORIC, REASONED DEBATE IS STILL EVIDENT.

Byline: KIMIT MUSTON Local View

I was nervous about moving to a Red State. I've lived in Blue States for the last 40 years. And, according to the pundits on cable TV, because of the cultural war I would no longer be welcome in the right-wing Red State homeland of America.

Which is why I felt so nervous when two great black California condors circled our RV as we headed toward Needles. They seemed to be calling out, ``Look out! Dead Liberal driving.'' The next day, approaching Kingman, Ariz., a flashing sign blinded me as I whizzed past at 70 miles an hour. I read only the electric words, ``Guns, and girls, girls, girls!'' Could I be happy living in a country that sold whatever the heck that sign was selling?

Of course, I don't consider myself liberal or conservative. I consider myself cranky. As an example I'm not opposed to gay marriage but then I'm not sure anybody ought to get married. Haven't you ever wondered, after friends leave a party, why she didn't shoot him years ago or why he doesn't strangle her? Heck, people probably ask the same questions about your marriage. And those are the marriages that work! And until we can figure out how a couple avoids homicide for twenty years when she is a Martha Stewart devotee and he thinks Kleenex is a luxury item - and we all know this couple - I don't think we ought to let anybody get married, gay or straight.

Meanwhile, in Texas, just after driving past the ``largest cross in the Northern Hemisphere,'' I read a billboard demanding we put God back in the classroom. I don't think that's a good idea. Most classrooms are already too crowded. If they're going to squeeze anybody in it ought to be parents. Every parent should spend one day a month in the classroom with their kid - walk the playground in their shoes, eat a pound of their paste, be reminded what it's like to be judged by a 25-year-old with a three-year college degree who's experiencing their first taste of authority.

I am not in favor of getting God involved with government, either. Having worked with politicians for the past decade I would be concerned about God's reputation. But then I'm not sure God should be involved with certain religious leaders, either.

A pretty waitress in a Tennessee Dairy Queen spotted my Dodger cap and made a joke about liberals being easy prey since they are rarely armed. I explained I am in favor of some gun control but I think the root cause of gun violence is stupid people. And unfortunately stupidity is protected not by a single amendment but by the entire Constitution. Our democracy is based on the idea that the average citizen can be as stupid as they choose to be. We Americans exercise this right to stupidity a lot more often than we vote or buy guns. I just think it should be illegal to sell guns to married people.

Holding these views, I was prepared by the ``Fair and Balanced'' commentators on Fox News to be met by Red State cultural guards at the border. ``Welcome to Indiana. Are you carrying any fresh fruit? Any Michael Moore videos? Please adjust your watch to Eastern non-standard whatever time. Here's your study guide to the King James Bible. Drive carefully.'' But that didn't happen.

What did happen was that the first week we were back home again, as we were crossing the muddy Wabash River, a bald eagle swooped over our car. The last time I had seen the symbol of our nation on the wing was in Big Bear on a winter morning. Now the noble white head seemed to be welcoming me home.

That same week a minister wrote a guest column for the local paper questioning the need for a council investigating anti-gay hate crimes. That I expected.

But within a week there were a half dozen guest columns and letters published in the same paper disagreeing with the minister. The whole thing turned into a reasoned, nuanced public debate. Who would have expected that in a Red State?

I'm too complicated to be labeled a liberal or a conservative. So how can a whole state be so simple as to be only red or only blue? I think the only thing simple about the Cultural War are those hyperbole salesmen on TV.

I don't think they should be allowed to buy guns.