RDS Tough Guy Tour II: The Court Date.Last fall the Red Dragons hit the road. They journeyed from Vancouver, British Columbia British Columbia, province (2001 pop. 3,907,738), 366,255 sq mi (948,600 sq km), including 6,976 sq mi (18,068 sq km) of water surface, W Canada. Geography to Edmonton, Alberta via Calgary. They dubbed the trek the Tough Guy Tour. During their travels they ran into a few complications with locals who reckoned that they were even tougher guys. Suffice to say that scuffles ensued, police were involved, and notices to appear in court were served. As it would turn out the court date fell on the anniversary of the Tough Guy Tour. Since one of the accused was the team filmer, it made sense among all concerned to follow him to his trial and make an article out of the whole sordid affair. Here's a list of the people (*) who came: Joosef "Moses" ltkonen Paul "The Mack" Machnau Ryan "Muffin Head" Smith Mike "The Hastie" Hastie Sean "Sir Isaac" Hayes Glenn "Sug Life" Suggitt Russ "The Ruska" Milligan Gailea "hop-along" Momolu Jeremy "Commander Death Lens" Pettit (*) Some of the above nicknames are fictitious; nobody really calls Sean Hayes "Sir Isaac" for example. Oddly enough "Muffin Head" is legit le·git adj. Slang Legitimate. NATURE'S BROOM There is a plum tree right outside the front door to Ryan's basement suite, so just prior to departure Moses climbed the tree in order to lob (1) See BLOB. (2) (Line Of Business) Refers to people, job titles and product lines, all of which pertain to a specific product or service area of the business. the fruit down to me. I caught (most of) the fruit and bagged it. By the time we were done we had a good 12 pounds of plums. By the end of the first night the bag had been emptied of its contents. Needless to say there was a mad dash for the washrooms when we finally arrived at the hotel. MISSION Since Moses spends a lot of time travelling, he doesn't get to see his folks too often. We made a short stop so he could visit his childhood home in Mission, BC. Everyone was treated to some fresh baked buns and some hearty soup. The stop left most of us baffled as to where Moses' fiery temper comes from since his parents were so kind and gentle. THE BEST CDIOWN Moses brought a CD that Syd Clark (RDS (1) (Remote Data Services) A set of programming interfaces from Microsoft that enables users to update data on the Internet or intranets from their ActiveX-enabled browser. North Van store manager) had given him. The CD was a home-made dub and had the words "This is the best CD I own" written in marker on its surface. This little bootlegged gem contained some downright bizarre remixes of both popular and obscure songs. The Best CD I Own became something of an anthem for the journey and before long nearly everyone was singing either "Dust in the Wind" or "Like a Prayer," which prompted more than one member of the group to purchase a Madonna CD. Why no one was inspired to pick up whichever Bruce Hornsby and the Range album it is that features "That's Just the Way it is" remains a mystery. THE COURT DATE The Fallout from last year's brouhaha and the event around which this year's trip was planned was Ryan and Jeremy's day in court. Each of the boys had their own lawyer, and in fact there were separate hearings for each of their cases. Ryan's lawyer advised him to go for the gusto GUSTO Cardiology A series of clinical trials that have examined a series of strategies to reduce the M&M of acute MI; the GUSTOs include: Global Utilization of Streptokinase & tPA for Occluded coronary arteries trial–GUSTO I; Global Use of Strategies with a trial (which is set for six months from now) while Jeremy decided to throw himself on the mercy of the court. For his part he was given some community service hours and a few meetings with a probation officer probation officer n. 1. An official usually attached to a juvenile court and charged with the care of juvenile delinquents. 2. An official charged with supervising convicts at large on suspended sentence or probation. . Hardly the high drama of an episode of Law and Order. HEAVEN ON EARTH Words cannot do Kelowna's Ben Lee skateboard park justice; it must be experienced first hand. Let's hope that whoever was responsible for the design and construction of this park wins every skatepark A skatepark is a purpose-built recreational environment for skateboarders, bmxers and aggressive skaters to ride and develop their sport and technique. A skatepark may contain half-pipes, quarter pipes, handrails, trick boxes, vert ramps, pyramids, banked ramps, full pipes, stairs, contract there is, because this place is as close to perfect as any of us had ever seen. Some of us were even getting up at 8:30 in the morning to skate (this may not sound shocking to those of you who attend school or hold down traditional jobs, but let me assure you--this is not standard fare for professional skateboarders.) The Kelowna Park was also the home of the only official demo the team put on. You see, since Moses is a veteran of the professional circuit, he's been on many a skateboard trip where the demo schedule is so taxing that street skating Street skating is the practice of roller skating (commonly on inline skates or quad skates) in groups on public roads. Street skates can be formal affairs, with prespecified routes, marshals and, at times, police escorts or ad hoc gatherings of like minded individuals. becomes a chore, so when he sets up tours up he keeps the obligations light. The team responded by kicking it into overdrive at Ben Lee. A few locals joined in the fun without coming off like hometown heroes. Sheldon Meleshinsky is damn good. Moses worked the long ledge down the double-dubsy; Russ and Gailea got busy on a bank to high ledge. Hastie blasted kickflip melons over a platform. Ryan hit up the metal bench. Paul was biding bide v. bid·ed or bode , bid·ed, bid·ing, bides v.intr. 1. To remain in a condition or state. 2. a. To wait; tarry. b. his time. Hayes was chatting up the ladies and Jeremy was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to videotape all the action. I shirked my photo obligations for a bit to get a little skating in myself. I was off in a corner when I heard the crowd starting to cheer more loudly than they had been. I skated over to the full-scale kinked rail and witnessed Paul gap out to a below-sea-level lipslide. It was at this point that I realized I was blowing it. I scrambled to find the keys to the truck, then raced to get my gear. I made it back to the kinker just fractions of a second after Paul made a gap to Smith. I quickly set up, hoping I could sheepishly sheep·ish adj. 1. Embarrassed, as by consciousness of a fault: a sheepish grin. 2. Meek or stupid. sheep talk Paul into a repeat. He told me he had othe r plans. A few tries later and he was rolling away from an incredible gap to nosegrind. The crowd was suitably amazed a·maze v. a·mazed, a·maz·ing, a·maz·es v.tr. 1. To affect with great wonder; astonish. See Synonyms at surprise. 2. Obsolete To bewilder; perplex. v.intr. . After an extended autograph signing and even a hug from a local mom we were off to the hotel for showers, hottubbin,' and Veggie Burgers. THE KING AND I Driving with Moses is always an entertaining affair. In fact, by his own admission, he is "one sketchy bastard behind the wheel." Add to this a short fuse, a strong tendency towards flipping the bird, and an overwhelming compulsion to honk the horn, and you more or less get the picture. Now factor in that the rental he was driving was a gigantic SUV rather than the standard yuppie mini-van, and Moses was pretty much king of the road. Not a kind, gentle king like Richard the Lionheart Lionheart can refer to: People
When one of his loyal subjects stepped out of line, King Moses served up swift and merciless justice. One of his fellow motorists made a big production about the King cutting ahead of him in a line-up. This is a dodgey affair at the best of times, but throwing a suck attack when the King has a container of mustard close at hand--well, that's just foolish. Yellow racing stripes were this Lexus driver's reward. Better that then the soup du jour du jour adj. 1. Prepared for a given day: The soup du jour is cream of potato. 2. Most recent; current: the trend du jour. treatment that another dude got served after a near collision. Moses mixed up some instant soup Instant soups are a kind of soup. They are produced on an industrial scale. Later they are treated in different ways to preserve them. Usually they are dried, canned, or treated by freezing. Especially instant noodles are often prepared that way. while he was driving just so he could splatter some guy. CALGARY After a few hours of the Clash, an assortment of Reggae, and The Best CD I Own, we arrived at our destination. We had driven from the lush Okananogan Valley through the mountains and emerged in the prairies. Calgary Alberta, AKA Cowtown, is a Canadian city with a 'country' flavor (urban cowboy sightings are not uncommon). Our first stop was the famed Millennium Park Millennium Park is a prominent civic center of the City of Chicago in Illinois and an important landmark of the city's lakefront. A redeveloped section of Grant Park, the 24. , a gigantic public concrete park that boasts multiple bowls, a huge street course, and even a way-too-big full pipe. Here we rendezvoused with Edmonton Dragon Glenn Suggitt and our Calgary tour guide and super shredder, Dwight Pineau. Our stay in Calgary was pretty productive. Pretty much everyone on the tour had been to the city before so they knew where they wanted to go. We usually started off at the park before hitting up the suburbs. We had only a few kick-outs but a lot of the spots were very...Canadian. Rough ground and cracks were the norm; fortunately the RDS boys are a pretty rugged bunch and once someone started to get physical the others jumped into the mix. Everyone came away with something from Calgary. For the most part the group kept it responsible on the party front, but on one chilly Calgary night pretty much everyone's blood-to-Kokanee ratio tipped a little further over to the Kokanee kokanee Noun a freshwater salmon of lakes and rivers in W North America [after Kokanee Creek, in British Columbia] side than is advisable. Most adversely affected was Mr. Smith, whose reasoning that "If we fight tonight by tomorrow we'll still be friends" allowed him to get a little rambunctious. Half the posse headed over to the nearby Millennium Park for an alcohol-fuelled soul session during which Russ managed to wrench his knee. He joined Gailea and I on the sidelines On the sidelines An investor who decides not to invest due to market uncertainty. on the sidelines Of or relating to investors who, having assessed the market, have decided to avoid committing their funds. for the remainder of the journey, Gailea having badly rolled his ankle earlier in the day. All it took to put me out of commission was a lowly heel bruise, which is more or less the skateboard injury equivalent of a paper cut. THE ARREST Russell and I did our best to ensure that there is a Tough Guy Tour III next year. We both managed to get arrested. Now, it's not surprising that a sarcastic little jabbermouth such as myself could get thrown into the back of a cop car, but if you've ever met Russell, then you know just how ridiculous the whole situation must have been. Russell is the quietest, most easy-going eas·y·go·ing also eas·y-go·ing adj. 1. a. Living without undue worry or concern; calm. b. Lax or negligent; careless. c. character you could ever hope to come across; ironically this was his undoing. We were at the fat blue flat bar that nearly everyone skates on his or her way through town. I was bringing up the rear, as is often the case since I carry a ridiculous amount of gear with me, when I saw Moses debating with some spracker over by the skatespot. Apparently the aforementioned spracker figured himself a flat-bar vigilante vigilante n. someone who takes the law into his/her own hands by trying and/or punishing another person without any legal authority. In the 1800s groups of vigilantes dispensed "frontier justice" by holding trials of accused horse-thieves, rustlers and shooters, and and was trying to protect the helpless hunk of blue metal from an unprovoked attack. The spracker had a girlfriend who was obviously a substance abuser, for the sake of this report we'll call her "cracker." In a Tammy Wynette-esque display she was standing by her man, shrieking every step of the way. She even grabbed a board from Russ' unsuspecting hands, before having it rapidly repossessed. After a little bit of cuss-filled bantering the situation calmed down. Moses waited a good 30 seconds to make sure the coast was clear and then started to skate again. An elderly gentlemen now decided to take up the metal bar's cause and posted up, human barricade style. Moses tried to remove him, which was apparently the cue for spracker and cracker to make their much-anticipated return. It was rapidly becoming clear that coming away with footage of the caliber to which we've all become accustomed just wasn't going to happen in the midst Adv. 1. in the midst - the middle or central part or point; "in the midst of the forest"; "could he walk out in the midst of his piece?" midmost of such turbulence. We began to walk back to the vehicles. We were half way through the little plaza when two security guards arrived on the scene; we'll call them "baldy baldy, baldy-faced said of cattle to mean a white face and usually indicating a Hereford influence in the animal's breeding. " and "non-bald." They began asking us questions. Baldy zeroed in on Jeremy, who was reviewing his footage of the melee. The security guard became irate i·rate adj. 1. Extremely angry; enraged. See Synonyms at angry. 2. Characterized or occasioned by anger: an irate phone call. that Jeremy was filming him and tapped Jeremy's camera to make the point. Jeremy decided that explaining the situation to the guards would be futile at best and opted instead to yell vulgarities at the fellow, leaving the mild-mannered Russ and the slow-walking me to face the consequences. Just as Baldy was interrogating us, yet another concerned citizen emerged from the fray. This gentlemen was convinced that he saw one of us push an old man and also said one of us nearly plowed over his small child. He wanted us charged with assault. Russ and I were detained de·tain tr.v. de·tained, de·tain·ing, de·tains 1. To keep from proceeding; delay or retard. 2. To keep in custody or temporary confinement: until the police arrived. Not that outrunning non-bald the pearshaped nerd-bot--who was left to watch over us--would have been too tough, but Russ had already surrendered his identification. In a shocking change of luck, we had some very reasonable officers come to investigate and we somehow managed to convince them that we weren't responsible for the horrendous atrocities we were charged with. A short while later we were released on our own recognizance own recognizance (O.R.) n. the basis for a judge allowing a person accused of a crime to be free while awaiting trial, without posting bail, on the defendant's own promise to appear and his/her reputation. . EDMONTON Edmonton is where everyone really got goin' (minus the injured of course). Half of us stayed with our gracious host Glenn Suggitt while the others stayed in a nearby hotel. Each day we all met up at Glenn's shop, Famous, after consuming some treats from Booster Juice. From there we warmed up at the St. Albert St. Albert could refer to:
The Downtown Core is a 266-hectare urban planning area in the south of the city-state of Singapore. , so again we were more or less spared any security drama, which is good because the Red Dragons have a way of escalating mundane kickouts into full-on battles. We definitely seemed to have luck on our side throughout the trip. As with last year, warm weather and clear skies Clear Skies could refer to:
FIFTY-DOLLAR S-K-A-T-E On one of the drearier mornings in Edmonton, Moses decided to revitalize the gang by putting up a bounty on a game of skate. A heated battle ensued, but it seemed that Moses was more fired up than anyone. He put down a hardflip, frontside nollie flip, and even a switch three flip all first go. But Ryan Smith's flatland flat·land n. 1. Land that varies little in elevation. 2. flatlands A geographic area composed chiefly of land that varies little in elevation. training paid off as he came up 50 bucks (though the prize would come back to haunt him after he spent it on booze at a strip club.) He awoke at Glenn's with someone else's shirt wrapped around him like a dress, an upset girlfriend (whom he called in the middle of the night while extremely intoxicated in·tox·i·cate v. in·tox·i·cat·ed, in·tox·i·cat·ing, in·tox·i·cates v.tr. 1. To stupefy or excite by the action of a chemical substance such as alcohol. 2. ), and a severe hangover. While alcohol seemed to cause Ryan to fall apart it had the opposite affect on Moses, who was reported to have told a waitress at a greasy spoon greasy spoon n. Slang A small, inexpensive, often unsanitary restaurant. Noun 1. greasy spoon - a small restaurant specializing in short-order fried foods "We're running shit, get us a table!" MOMMA I'M COMIN' HOME On the way back we stopped in Calgary and Kelowna for a night each, but by this point everyone had pretty much given it their all. So battered were the soldiers that not even the smooth curves and waxed ledges of Kelowna could entice more than a few to carve around. So we hit the road to Vancouver for some much needed rest and recuperation The withdrawal of individuals from combat or duty in a combat area for short periods of rest and recuperation. Also called R&R. See also rehabilitation. , with the soothing sounds of 'Dust in the wind" playing in our heads. |
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