Quotes.

"Nobody has made fun of me, and I don't think it was degrading."

Sherwood Middle School student Andy Johnson of Creighton, Missouri, who let classmates sling jelly at him as an alternative to detention. The school board was concerned that the smear violated Johnson's civil rights. But his mother had signed a consent form, and Johnson--garbed in a shower cap and goggles--laughed throughout the "creative discipline."

"Is this what I went to law school for?"

The question attorney Alan Jensen of Manitou Springs, Colorado, pondered while handling a dispute between neighbors over a pet duck. Plaintiff Jen Dawson complained that, according to her "quack log," defendant Lou Smith's duck, Homer, averaged 7.8 quacks a day. The din, she said, was distracting and violated a city noise ordinance. A judge found that the quacking did not constitute an "unreasonable noise" and encouraged the neighbors to settle their differences.

"Kids free. Adults 25 cents. City councilmen unwelcome."

The sign Jerry and Patti Hirschman posted near the new sidewalk in front of their Grand Island, Nebraska, home to protest the city council's order that homeowners install walkways. If the walks were not in place within 90 days, the city would have them installed at the property owners' expense. The Hirschmans' 105-foot-long sidewalk cost $852. They have collected $3 from amused passersby.

"They're telling me I'm a fraud. I'm, like, 14. I don't know what `fraud' means."

Chelsey Nesbitt of Gig Harbor, Washington, one of four high school cheerleaders kicked off the squad for holding a fund-raiser without school permission. The girls washed cars for five hours in the rain and collected $80 to subsidize the cost of their uniforms and cheerleading camp. Their coach claims the girls misrepresented the school by using its name to promote the car wash.