QUIZ ON A PAGE.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Ready for a quick sports end-of-the summer pop culture pop quiz?

The new flick ``Snakes On A Plane'' is about a) Jake Plummer's offseason job as a flight attendant; b) Kenny Stabler's cross-country campaign to get himself into the Pro Football Hall of Fame; c) Don Prudhomme going undercover as an FAA agent smoking out shoe bombers with top fuel alcohol; d) Samuel L. Jackson's sequel to ``Coach Carter.''

The most likely excuse Emmitt Smith will use after he's bounced off the first episode of ``Dancing With The Stars'' next season: a) ``Dang, I pulled a groin;'' b) ``It's some kind of oblique thing;'' c) ``That bastard Jerry Rice told me this would be easy money.''

The next episode of the popular Spike TV series ``Ultimate Fighter 4'' will feature: a) Angels hitters with bats vs. Rangers pitchers, backpedaling; b) Maurice Clarett vs. The Law; c) Terrell Owens vs. any ex-teammate, coach or ``Desperate Housewife'' star.

The unusually long lines at the Staples Center box office this week were the result of:

a) boxing fans looking to get into next month's live season-ending episode of ``The Contender''; b) WNBA fans buying up as many Sparks playoff tickets as possible;

c) people seeking refunds for the Aug. 26 ``American Idol Tour'' show.

On the next season of ``America's Got Talent,'' Matt Leinart has promised to a) sing a duet with Paris Hilton;

b) challenge Arizona Cardinals coach Denny Green to a stare-off contest; c) sit out the first three episodes in a contract dispute until he's paid more than the 11-year-old yodeler.

The Galaxy's Landon Donovan Action Figure giveaway to the first 10,000 who attend Sunday's game at Home Depot Center will

a) entertain the kids bored out of their minds by another scoreless contest; b) provide proof that Donovan actually does have a better Kung Fu grip than G.I. Joe; c) mean 9,500 left-over items that the team can sell on eBay as ``authentic memorabilia.''

It will soon be revealed that Dan Marino's claim that he lost 22 pounds using NutriSystem was in fact a result of a) an affair with Jenny Craig; b) taking off his extra large Super Bowl ring (oh, wait, that can't be it); c) his refusal to eat anything at the Dan Marino restaurant chain.

The first crazy thing to happen at your upcoming NFL fantasy draft party will be

a) your idiot Uncle Marcus confusing Drew Brees with Drew Bledsoe and demanding a ``re-pick'' an hour later;

b) your stupid little brother taking Dave Navarro as his kicker because ``that guy rocks''; c) your mom making you move everything out of the living room and onto the patio because ``you knew a week ago this was my cleaning day, but you continue to try my patience and think you can take over like this is your little clubhouse, and furthermore, I'm tired of picking up your clothes off the bathroom floor ... you're 34 years old now and just because your ex-wife can't live with you doesn't mean you can't do your own laundry.''

[e-mail]

[phone]