Program for positive behavior: working with misbehaving campers.

At camp, we are responsible for conducting programs that teach campers cooperation and participation. However, when campers misbehave, the well thought out plans of the evening program or the fun of a cabin activity can be gone in a matter of minutes. Knowing how to prevent and handle misbehavior lies in discovering the purpose behind the behavior.

People coached in any one of several parenting philosophies that follow the teachings of Alfred Adler or Rudolf Dreikurs know that belonging is the motivation behind all behavior - people want to feel important and connected to someone or something. Providing activities that help campers feel they have a place where they can belong - the underlying goal of most camp programs - addresses these issues.

Understand the reasons

Misbehaving children are discouraged children. If they unwillingly attend camp, they feel temporarily cutoff from home. If they haven't made friends or are unfamiliar with the camp songs, they feel they do not belong. If they feel unwelcome by cabin mates, they feel unimportant. Out of these feelings come attempts, often misguided, to achieve a sense of belonging and importance. For these campers, to connect negatively is far better than existing as a nonentity. Misbehaving guarantees they will be noticed.

When trying to belong, campers will often resort to several misguided goals. First, they will usually seek attention. If unsuccessful, they will most likely move into a power struggle to gain the sense of importance they need. If thwarted, they may begin to exhibit revengeful primary behavior. If all fails to help them feel okay about themselves or what they are asked to do, campers may give up, demonstrating their lack of belief in their ability to succeed.

Teens may have other goals

Campers entering their teens may exhibit four additional motivating goals. Their attempts to belong may stem from the need to follow peer pressure, the natural desire to find independence, the revelation that adults don't have all the answers, and their desire for excitement.

Understanding these motivating factors and responding to them with empathy and consistency will help build a trusting relationship that encourages teens to realize they are important to the camp community.

Learning about the teens' world shows that you regard them as thinking, feeling individuals. Giving them opportunities for problem solving, independence, and leadership helps them recognize their place and value.

Realize that you can't control campers' behavior

We need to understand that we cannot control young people's behavior; we can only control the environment in which they grow. By knowing what to expect at certain ages and stages of development, we can make our program expectations realistic and reasonable. If we work to set up an environment with clear expectations, limits, and consequences, campers will achieve self-control.

To discipline means to teach

When a camper's behavior disrupts a program, we need to clearly understand the difference between punishment and discipline. When we ask for obedience for the sake of obedience, encouraged by the threat of punishment, we may get short-term results and apparent cooperation. However, an obedient child may not be a thinking child, and you never know whom a non-thinking, obedient child may follow.

If we guide campers to think, cope with and solve problems, and exercise self-discipline, we provide an environment that allows growth and positive long-term behavior.

Ask thinking questions

When problems arise, ask questions that require thinking. Avoid questions that can be answered with a "yes" or "no." Ask, "What else could you have done" or "What's another way you can solve this problem?" You can also ask if the camper wants to hear what others have done in similar situations and then give him the opportunity to try those solutions.

Examine your behavior

The best way to change a child's behavior is to change yours. The best defense against misbehavior is to do the opposite of what the camper expects.

If a camper is seeking attention, you may be irritated and want to squelch this annoying behavior. Instead, give attention when it is least expected, not when a camper is especially good or bad, but when she does nothing to deserve it. Find ways to recognize the camper for cooperating or participating in the camp program.

If a power struggle exists, you may be angry and want to fight back. Counter your feelings by backing away from the struggle. Don't allow the camper to engage you in a fight. Be matter of fact, saying what you will do, not what they must do: "I will talk with you about this when you've calmed down" instead of, "Sit down and be quiet!" Asking, "What is your understanding of what you need to do" helps clarify the camper's perception of the expectations.

Cooperation is essential

It is important to establish early that you expect cooperation. Cooperation automatically requires mutual respect toward all people and their property. When a camper refuses to cooperate, find out what he would like to do instead and listen with empathy and understanding. Model the respect you hope to elicit from the distraught camper.

Our goal is to have each camper learn responsibility for his or her behavior and to find positive, cooperative ways to belong. If this is not happening, leaders need to look at their own behavior to see if they are part of the solution or the problem. Then, and only then, can leaders establish an atmosphere where all feel they belong and are important. When this atmosphere exists, cooperation and fun are the end results.

References

Dreikurs, R. Children: The Challenge.

Glenn, H.S. & Nelsen, J. Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World.

Glenn, H. S. Developing Capable People.

Popkin, M. Active Parenting.

Cline & Fay. Raising Children with Love and Logic.

American Guidance Service. Systematic Training for Effective Parenting.

Nelsen, J. Positive Discipline.

Edie Jones and her husband, Ted, own and direct Camp Tamarack, near Sisters, Ore. Edie is certified as a facilitator of the Developing Capable People and Love and Logic programs and is a parent educator for Together For Children, a parenting program sponsored by the Oregon Department of Education.