Prayer is my business.

I ENTERED THE CISTERCIAN MONASTERY OF SANTA Rita Abbey because I wanted a life of prayer. I got God instead. While, as cloistered nuns, we do pray the Liturgy of the Hours seven times a day, beginning at 3:15 a.m. with the Office of Vigils and concluding with the Salve Regina at the end of Compline at about 7:15 p.m., I have come to understand a life of prayer as finding God in each moment of the day, not just the times we are in church.

God is always seeking me, whether or not I am seeking God. God comes to me in the events and circumstances of our community life, in our work of producing altar breads, through the decisions of superiors, and most especially in the sisters I bump into in the cloister. When I am in church, either singing the psalms or praying silently, I do direct my attention and focus my love consciously on God. But I have discovered that -praying constantly" (Mark 13:33, 1 Thess. 5:17, Eph. 6:18) does not mean spending more hours in church. I try to remain in a receptive frame of mind, open to the soft whisper of the Spirit in my heart.

As Abhishiktananda, a Benedictine monk, says in his classic little book Prayer: "Prayer is not a part-time occupation for any of Christ's disciples. To live in constant prayer, to lead a contemplative life, is nothing else than to live in the actual presence of God. God is always present to us. Do we say: Let us first think of the air which surrounds us and then breathe?' Willingly, unwillingly, consciously, unconsciously, we breathe and go on breathing. So it is also with the divine Presence, which is more essential to our life, to our very being, than the air itself which we breathe."

As Christians, we know the Way to the Father (John 14:6), and returning to that way throughout the day is to refocus on God; the return is itself a prayer. Saint Bernard, a 12th-century Cistercian, said, "Jesus to me is honey in the mouth, music in the ear, a song in the heart." Whenever a disturbing, critical, or negative thought comes into my mind, I gently turn toward Jesus and say his name. That quick breath of a prayer calms my heart and soon brings me back to inner peace. Since every Christian is called to become another Christ, keeping the name of jesus in one's mind, on one's lips, and in one's heart is a way of praying to attain Jesus' dispositions, to be able to live the gospel, to act, think, and speak as Jesus would in any situation I use just those two syllables, "Jesus," but other short prayers could be used as well, such as "Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner" or "I believe, I hope, trust, I adore you." Since negative and critical thought occur frequently, they become opportunities to make me a person of prayer. If I have to return to jesus 60 times an hour, I will be praying continually!

On the shore of Tiberias, Simon Peter and several more of Jesus' disciples had some difficulty recognizing the risen Christ (John 21:4-14). In the Latin, the phrase recurs: Dominus est! It is the Lord! This phrase has also become a mantra for me whenever I am troubled or become unsettled about anything that happens around the monastery, from anxiety over major changes in work assignments to the daily irritations of living elbow to elbow with a dozen other people.

It is the Lord speaking to me in those particular circumstances, devoid of God as they seem. God is never absent; but sometimes, often, the lenses through which I see need polishing. To say "Dominus est" and unite my win with God's is to affirm that my ego is not in charge and to acknowledge God's lordship over God's own creation.

As a cloistered contemplative, it is part of my business to pray the Liturgy of the Hours. I find that the habit of praying the psalms, especially in the morning and evening, is the hinge that binds the other hours together. When my feet hit the floor for a new day (after hearing the rising bell at 3 a.m.), I try to say this prayer as I muddle toward consciousness: "Father, let my first thought today be of you, let my first impulse be to worship you, let my first speech be your name, let my first action be to kneel before you in prayer."

As I brush my teeth get dressed, and start moving toward church for vigils, my whole soul and whole day are turned toward and given to God. I anchor the day in eternity. By praying the Liturgy of the Hours, the prayer of the church, I pray the same psalms that Jesus prayed, and unite myself with all those, monastic or lay, frail or holy seekers like myself, who throughout the ages have made prayer their business.

By Sister Sheryl F. Chen, O.C.S.O., former assistant editor of U.S. Catholic magazine and member of the cloistered Cistercian nuns at Santa Rita Abbey in Sonoita, Arizona.