Practicing parents: many trial lawyers struggle to find enough time in each day to successfully manage a challenging career and family life. Here, four lawyer-parents share what works for them.

Focus on priorities

I have a sign hanging on the wall behind my desk that reads, "Owning your own business is about as overrated as natural childbirth." Having experienced both, I couldn't agree more. The same can be said of maintaining a law practice and raising children.

Whatever I have learned about how to make my two roles--attorney and parent--more compatible, I have learned from my fellow trial lawyers. Much like our closing arguments and strategies during trial, very little of what I have to say on the subject is entirely original.

After the birth of my first child (Christian, now nine years old), I came to terms with the fact that I no longer could do everything, especially if I expected to do everything to perfection. To stay focused on what really matters in raising my son and maintaining my law practice, I applied an approach that I've used successfully in preparing for trial: I usually make a list of what is most important for the jury to hear and then craft a plan to make sure that I emphasize those ideas or pieces of evidence. I made a similar list for balancing work and family. When my second child, Katie, was born, I was glad I had made the list.

I decided it was most important for me to enjoy my son and his early years. In speaking with others, I realized that time passes all too quickly when children are growing up, and moments like hearing their first words and watching them take their first steps are lost forever if they are not preserved in our memories. My father once told me that he listened to his father, a farmer, talk about all the things he had hoped to do when he got old, but he never made specific plans to do them. My grandfather's health failed, and he never just went fishing on a warm fall afternoon. I decided I would not lose those special moments with my son.

Being a good lawyer was always a priority for me. But after my son's birth, I realized that being a "good lawyer" is more about being a complete person than it is about how many depositions I take or how much money I make. Like being a good parent, it requires you to manage time well aim assess priorities honestly.

Hire it done. If you can pay someone to mow your lawn, wash your car, do your laundry, or clean your house, then do it. The peace of mind that comes with finishing a workday or looking forward to a weekend without the work associated with your "second job" of raising children is priceless. It also allows you the flexibility to devote more time to your practice when necessary, which should result in more income to pay for the services you are hiring.

Go home at a reasonable hour. Set a time to leave your office, with the understanding that trials sometimes make a 9-to-5 schedule impossible. Leave early enough to spend time with your children before they go to bed.

Have regular routines when you come home. For example, never pass up an opportunity to read to your children. As they learn to read, have them read to you. Ask about their day, and then tell them about yours. Explain the good things that you do and why you work so hard and so long. Tell them a story about a client or something funny that happened in your office. If the local newspaper covers one of your cases, bring the article home and show it to your children. You will be surprised at how proud they will be. They may ask you to cut it out and put it on the refrigerator.

Listen to your kids. We all tell "stories" to jurors. Practice by telling your children the stories of your cases. Listen to what they say and include some of their thoughts in preparing for trial. Then, tell your children how you used their ideas.

For example, I returned home one snowy day to find five-year-old Christian crying in the doorway. He sobbed, "Katie bit me." I walked into the dining room to find Katie, then three, leaning on the table with her head resting on her folded arms. I asked her if she bit her brothel and she said, "I didn't leave any marks." I swore I would use that line someday in a closing argument.

Last summer, in a police-beating case in which I represented the plaintiff, the defense argued that the police could not have caused my client's collapsed lung because he had no visible bruises. I used my daughter's line in my closing argument and suggested to the jury that this defense was about as credible as Katie's. The jurors nodded. They got it. I told Katie that I gave her the credit for my successful closing argument. She was thrilled. Of course, my son reminded me that he was the one who experienced the pain and suffering.

Take your children with you on business trips when your schedules allow. Try to hire a caregiver who is willing to travel with you when you have to take depositions that last for several days or attend continuing legal education seminars. You can enjoy the workday and be with your children at night. It also helps them learn more about what you do for a living. Seminars often afford plenty of time to socialize with colleagues. If you have a nanny who travels with you, you can include your children in socializing for short periods, but they can leave when they get bored.

If you do not have someone to travel with you, ask whether the hotel offers child care services and activities for kids. Make babysitting arrangements be/ore you travel. Always designate a day or afternoon for just you and your family. My children are much more accepting when they hear "Mommy has to go to work today" if they also hear "Mommy is taking a vacation with you tomorrow."

If you cannot travel with your children, stay in touch with them while you are gone. Phone calls are easy, and they mean a lot to little ones. Once your children are old enough to read or appreciate what is being read to them, send a postcard or a note. Once, when I was going to be away for about 10 days, I videotaped a message for each day I would be gone. At the time, my children were five and three, and in each message I told them how many more days it would be until we saw each other again. If you try this, you can record a bedtime story and add your own personal messages, telling your children you love them.

Make family a priority in your office. Everyone in a my office knows my children. Once in a while, I bring the kids to work after they finish school. They stay for only a short time, and then I take them home; I allow my office staff to do the same thing. As part of my firm's marketing plan, I speak in terms of families. Never apologize for being a parent--instead, understand that it makes you a better lawyer. If you really want to be a good and attentive parent, acknowledge the importance of that role in your office.

Be active in your kids' school. As your children grow, try to participate occasionally in their school activities. For example, volunteer for a "read aloud" program or "career day." Your children love you and are proud of you. They like to show you on off to their friends and teachers as much as you like to show them off to your friends and colleagues. Be a homeroom mom or dad. You may think that taking on such an assignment is too much work, but you will find that the benefits are immeasurable.

Take advantage of marketing opportunities at the same time. Buy a full-page ad in the school yearbook. Sponsor a softball team. This usually is inexpensive, and you'll get real results.

While sitting on the hard, cold bleachers watching my son's softball practice, I routinely sign up at least one client per season. Someone always recognizes me as a lawyer an d has a case he or she wants to discuss.

Advertising in family-oriented brochures for sporting events and other school activities not only makes your child proud of who you are and what you do, but also advances your marketing plan. Moreover, it helps create a better image for all attorneys who represent families.

When our work is finished on this earth, few of us will be remembered as the Daniel Webster of the 21st century. But the effect we have on the lives of our children is everlasting, and our clients' perceptions of us as real family people will begin to redefine the image of the lawyer.

One of my favorite movies is It's a Wonderful Life, starring Jimmy Stewart, a family man who believes that things would have been better if he had never been born. The truth, though, is that he had more of an effect than he ever realized, just by being a good person who loved his family and had the courage to fight for the little guy. In reality, that is what most of us do every day. Like Jimmy Stewart's character, we sometimes ignore the important things until life passes us by. Don't let that happen.

LAURA R. ROSE is a partner with Laura Rose & Associates in Martinsburg, West Virginia.