Players demand respect, but do little to earn it as fans break 'house' rules.

AND SO, like a boxer standing before the mirror after his handlers have gone home, we examine our lace to see how badly we are bruised.

Black eyes everywhere--on the athletes, on the fans, on the sport and on Detroit. There are extra security guards al the Palace of Auburn Hills, but they were as superfluous as an umbrella after a rainstorm. This deed is done. This stain is in the fabric. You can rail all you want about "who started what," but in the end, it's all about what people remember. And they will remember this:

"Malice at Palace." "Basket-Brawl." "Friday Night Fights."

The ugly, flailing video--beer being dumped, punches being thrown, a chair flying into the swam] of bodies--will replay every time the Pistons and Pacers meet, every time some news network turns its focus to fandom, every ESPN Top 10 Bad Behavior, and, sadly, every time people sum up our city.

And we in Detroit can't complain about not being respected.

Fact is, respect is what started this in the first place.

Oh, not real respect. Real respect has traces of kindness. Real respect is deferential, like a young apprentice and his patient mentor. Real respect knows, at its core, humility.

I'm talking about the bastardized "respect" in today's sports world--where the word means nobody does anything to you that you don't like, want, accept or appreciate. Or you let them have it.

Ben Wallace felt "disrespected" by Ron Artest's hard foul late in an already decided game. So he had to whirl and shove Artest in the neck. Artest, "disrespected" by Wallace's retaliation, had to jaw back, then argue, then ultimately lie on the scorer's table as if it were a Barcalounger, mocking Wallace.

Some idiot fan, who felt "disrespected" by Arrest's mocking of Wallace, was compelled to throw beer on Attest, to teach him a "respect" lesson. And Arrest, instead of shaking his head at the fan's insanity and asking security to deal with the situation, had to show that such "disrespect" would not be tolerated, so he thundered into the stands--over a table and a railing and seats--until he found someone whom he could punch, even though he had no idea if this were the culprit.

That one foolish moment, compounded by another and another, will mean a mountain of games missed. But if fans think Arrest's ignition gives them license to floor the gas, they are dead wrong. Any fan discovered on tape to have instigated anything should be both prosecuted by law and banned from the Palace forever. Yes, forever. Attending sporting events is not some unalienable fight. It says on most tickets the arena reserves the right to eject people. Consider then] ejected.

Friday night, I heard fans utter the same thing. Our house? Our house:

Get over it. The Palace isn't the fans" house. The Palace isn't the players' house. The Palace is a place of business where customers and workers are rightfully expected to follow rules and demonstrate restraint. Who would behave like that in their own house anyhow?

Only fools who are deluded about "respect." That word is not something you lose when someone does something you don't like, and it is not something you gain with a fist. Respect comes by behaving respectfully.

Mirth Albom is the author of the bestsellers "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" and "Tuesdays With Morrie." He also is a columnist for the Detroit Free Press.