Partners in crime; Charity and Cain enjoy their new car scam but can the Dales bad girl keep her spending under wraps?
Emulsions get the better of Christian
Just because Zainab has a new baby to look after, it doesn't mean she's stopped worrying about her eldest son.
In fact, this week she's more concerned about Syed than ever when Amira announces that, thanks to a generous cheque from her father, the couple can now afford to find their own place.
The mum is shocked when she sees the state of the flat they're intending to rent - and horrified to discover that her daughter-in-law has hired Christian to decorate it for them. Determined to keep him as far away from her precious son as possible, Zainab sets about trying to paint the place herself, but the ex-caterer refuses to abandon the job, even when she throws a pot of emulsion over him and then physically attacks him.
To add to the new mum's worries, Christian then makes it clear that the flat isn't the only thing he's not going to leave alone.
Meanwhile, with the Brannings still keeping up a vigil at the hospital, Billie decides to prove he's not a total waste of space by joining the Army. Peggy shows she doesn't hold a grudge by throwing a party to congratulate him but Carol is much less impressed. Danny continues to play Roxy and Ronnie off against one another but it seems his real allegiances lie with Glenda.
Albert Einstein famously remarked that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Calvin, therefore, must be as mad as a hatter because he keeps on sleeping with McQueen women but hopes that his dalliances won't put Carmel off taking him back for the umpteenth time.
That said, there might not be any going back now that he's slept with Carmel's little cousin Theresa . As they wake up after their night of passion, the reality of what they've done starts to sink in.
Things go from bad to worse for Calvin when a spiteful Mercedes tells the police that he had a hand in Warren's death.
Meanwhile at the hospital, Tony and Cindy are relieved when Holly finally awakens from her coma but that's the only happy news for the couple, as their marriage looks to be over.
Elsewhere, Kris's intervention in Ricky's troubled home life has tragic consequences and wannabe lothario Duncan enlists Darren's help in order to seduce Suzanne.
Have Cain and Charity gone too far? Things are a little Gone In 60 Seconds in the village this week as Cain and Charity's trip to a posh hotel leads them to realise they both get a thrill out of motor theft.
Cain is annoyed when Charity flirts with a well-to-do man and decides to get his own back by relieving him of his car keys. Before you can say Grand Theft Auto, the pair are speeding off down the road. Charity suggests they should take up stealing cars for money as a new side line, and Cain, of course, is far from squeaky clean. He soon jumps at the profitable notion and it's only a matter of days before the couple are out stealing flash cars from posh hotels. Unfortunately, Charity has always had a keen interest in money. Will her recklessness get them caught? Meanwhile, Zak is shocked to see the lengths Sam will go to to get a fake passport for Olena.
CORONATION STREET STV
Sparks fly when Audrey finds out that Rita hired Lewis behind her back - and then books him for another date.
Claudia advises Audrey that she mustn't make the mistake of falling for the gigolo Lewis but she clearly already has.
The hairdresser ends up bursting into Rita's flat and when she points out Lewis is a paid escort, Audrey lashes out, raking over Rita's past history with men.
The fracas winds up with Audrey slapping her. Later, Emily tries to force a truce between the old friends but another row breaks out which spills into the street. Norris eventually gets to the heart of Rita's loneliness and asks her to start back at the Kabin.
Meanwhile, Audrey's feelings for Lewis deepen when she has a free date.
Elsewhere, Steve and Becky ponder adoption and Janice is gutted to discover Trev spent the night at Carla's.
John catches up with Colin, an old teaching colleague.
Sophie's attempts to reunite Sian and Ryan backfire - when Ryan tries to kiss her.
RIVER CITY BBC1
It's all doom and gloom down Shieldinch way as the locals gather to pay their respects to two familiar faces.
Amber struggles to cope with the idea of attending Ewan's funeral and asks Malcolm to come with her. This, of course, leaves him in a tricky situation - after all, he's lied to the police about what he saw on the night of her brother's murder.
Steph and Toadie decide to tell everyone they're back together.
But it's all an elaborate attempt to cover up the fact that she's pregnant with Dan's baby. Lucas is devastated - and suspicious. He even smashes Toadie's car up in a fit of rage.
Sonya is simply heartbroken, particularly because she learns the sad news from Lucas - Toadie doesn't even have the guts to meet her face-to-face. When they do eventually bump into one another, it's clear he's as devastated as she is.
At least Donna is back on Ramsay Street to help lift everyone's dismal mood.
Home and Away Five
Xavier's behaviour continues to be somewhat odd.
For a start, he's become rather attached to a shoebox. Martha's suspicions are aroused when she finds the precious container hidden on the roof. It's full of money but she decides to keep quiet about it.
Meanwhile, Liam wonders if his friend is dealing in drugs again - that stash of cash is seeming to suggest he might be right.
Elsewhere, Romeo is also acting rather strangely and Annie wonders if he's trying to avoid her - maybe it's because he's horrified about being forced to wear women's clothes during the forthcoming play.
GRIEF... Amber can't cope alone SLAPHAPPY... Audrey and Rita come to blows BRUSH-OFF... Christian still wants Syed DALEOFATIME... Charity flirts with a rich guy in hotel then her jealous fianc Cain nicks his flash car