Paris Hilton - Paris (Heiress/Warner Bros)

And shockingly, Paris the vocalist is actually listenable: no Gwen Stefani, but better than, say, K-Fed. Producer Scott Storch—like Hilton, inevitable and platinum—delivers an instant-gratification mix of actual bangers, potential club anthems, and infectious mallrat theme songs.

Hilton knows her subject matter intimately, chirping and cooing about men she wants, men she will soon have, and men who battle for her affections (“Fighting Over Me,” featuring rappers Fat Joe and Jadakiss). She’s also not troubled with haters, winking at Nicole Richie with a deliciously bitchy best friend–betrayal number “Jealousy.”

Campiness abounds, yet ballads like the pop-reggae-inflected “Stars Are Blind” are surprisingly emotional, even evoking a touch of empathy for the most ogled girl in the world. Is her spectacular narcissism merely a barricade for a tortured princess’s soul? Is Paris Hilton, in fact, deeper than her closet? Well, when Paris ends with a firm, unironic cover of Rod Stewart’s “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?” it’s clearly rhetorical. Paris Hilton is not a question mark.

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