Parenting Aggressive, Troubled Teens - One Proven Secret to Stopping Your Teen's Yelling
You have probably already experienced an out of control yelling match with your teen While parenting troubled teens, parents often find themselves in a power struggle with their childYou have probably already experienced an out of control yelling match with your teen. While parenting troubled teens, parents often find themselves in a power struggle with their child. Troubled teens try all sorts of things to get what they want, and sometimes this involves yelling and cussing out their parents. Have you experienced that type situation?
Obviously, this yelling, screaming, and cussing is both degrading and disrespectful to both you and your troubled teen. What I often tell parents when helping them with their teen is that there is absolutely no room in the house for verbal or physical abuse. Cussing, yelling, and screaming is not acceptable. Period. Your troubled teen can tell you reasons and excuses all day for why they are yelling. But, there is absolutely no excuse for one person to abuse another. Period. All too often I hear troubled teens say, "I'm sorry, but you won't allow me...". That statement pretty much says, "It's not my fault, they made me behave that way." This is wrong. No one made you behave one way or another. You chose to be abusive.
For parenting troubled teens effectively while they are yelling at you, don't yell back, simply remove yourself. There is no law or reason as to why you have to play a part in abuse. I'll say that again, you don't have to be around while you troubled teen is choosing to behave the way that they are. In your household, verbal abuse should not be tolerated by anybody.
To clarify about not putting up with abuse, I really mean leave the room. In an effort to respect your teen whose cussing at you, your teen needs to know why you are leaving and that you won't tolerate it. Tell your teen, "We can talk when you can talk to me respectfully. I respect you with my words, I expect the same from you."
It is hard to do, I know. This article isn't to dismiss the fact that consequences should be administered. Now this next part is very important. Your teen needs to have some things communicated to them. Three things specifically. You need to communicate your family's values, such as talking to each other with respect. Your troubled teen needs to know why you value that though. An exampled would be that when people yell and cuss at you it makes you feel degraded and hurt, and you don't like feeling that way, or making other people feel that way. Parenting troubled teens is a very difficult season. But, it can be one with joy. Lastly, you need to communicate to your teen that there is absolutely no room for abuse. They need to know that nobody chooses for them in regards to how they choose to behave. Your teen makes that choice. You make that choice.
While parenting your troubled teen you will probably need to dedicate some forethought and preparations to how you might respond next time. Visualize it and rehearse it. You don't want to continue the yelling the matches with your troubled teen.
Jordan Adams, CEO of ResourceToLife.com, is a youth pastor, teacher, husband and father. Having worked with struggling youth for years, he now provides cutting-edge resources for parenting troubled teens.