PULSE ACT LIKE A WIDOW ACTRESS REVEALS HER GRIEVING PROCESS IN `SURVIVING DAVID'.

Byline: Nicole Sunkes

For as long as she can remember, people have been encouraging actress Kathryn Graf to write. Over the years, she played around with some stories but it wasn't until her husband of 18 years suffered a fatal heart attack that she completed a play.

``It was just like I was a conduit for something, and it just came out,'' says the Studio City resident. ``It just flowed.''

The result is a one-woman play titled ``Surviving David.'' It details her experiences following her husband's unexpected death at her brother's Arizona wedding in 2001, leaving her grief-stricken, confused and needing an outlet for her emotions.

``There's a lot of physical pain and grief and so much stuff,'' says Graf, 46. ``As an actress, the best way for me to excise that is to express myself. I had to get up there and work this out of my system.

Graf's goal was to present a realistic account of grief rather than the quiet mourning portrayed in Hollywood films. The play highlights her struggle with sudden single motherhood, understanding her feelings of grief and her complicated need for sexual intimacy.

``To make such a beautiful thing out of something so horrible, it's confusing at times to me, because this expression is one of the greatest things that's happened to me, and at the same time was without a doubt the worst thing that's happened to me.''

Her husband, David Graf, who died nine days shy of his 51st birthday, was an actor best-known for his role as Eugene Tackleberry in the ``Police Academy'' movies. His father died of a heart attack at 51, as did his great-grandfather. With two young sons - now 10 and 13 years old - her late husband's family history plagues her.

Earlier life experience enabled Graf to help her children cope with their sudden loss: Her mother died when she was only 4. The family also began visiting Our House, a grief support center in Woodland Hills. Graf is donating 10 percent of the proceeds from her play to the center.

``Just to be able to sit down and realize that you're not alone in all the craziness that you're feeling, it was everything I needed to know that some other people were feeling the nutty things I was feeling and not feeling just sad and missing my husband,'' she says. ``It's not one of the luxuries that you feel. Sad is too easy - that comes later.''

Our House executive director Susan Galeas has seen the play and says it's a very honest portrayal of grief.

``It was very moving,'' Galeas says. ``It's not necessarily an easy play to observe, but it's one that, walking away, you have a very clear appreciation of what Kathy's experience was.''

``Surviving David'' is playing at 2100 Square Feet at 8 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays, through Oct. 9. Tickets are $20, and Graf is donating 100 percent of the proceeds from the Sept. 10 show to Our House. 2100 Square Feet is at 5615 San Vicente Blvd., Los Angeles. For tickets, call [phone] or visit www.tix.com.

THE BOOK ABOUT YOUR BODY: If you've ever wondered how all the exercise you're getting keeps you healthy, or what the hiccups are and why armpit sweat smells so bad, then Dr. Sheldon Margulies' new book, ``The Fascinating Body: How It Works'' (Scarecrow Education; $34.95), will supply the answers.

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TO HRT OR NOT TO HRT: Menopause, for many women, brings with it a lot of physical and emotional effects, including hot flashes, mood swings, dry eyes and zapped energy. Many women turn to hormone replacement therapy for relief, but Dr. Holly Lucille's book, ``Creating and Maintaining Balance: A Woman's Guide to Safe, Natural Hormone Health'' (IMPAKT Health; $12.95), seeks to educate women about the pitfalls of synthetic hormone treatments.

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CAPTION(S):

3 photos

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(1) ``This expression is one of the greatest things that's happened to me, and at the same time was without a doubt the worst thing that's happened to me,'' says Kathryn Graf of the play she wrote after her husband's death.

(2) no caption (book: ``The Fascinating Body'')

(3) no caption (book: ``Creating and Maintaining Balance A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO SAFE, NATURAL HORMONE HEALTH'')