PROCEED CAREFULLY, WISELY AFTER CHARGES OF CHILD ABUSE.

Byline: Ann Landers 

Dear Ann Landers: Recently, a relative by marriage stepped forward and accused another family member of repeated childhood sexual abuse. The accused denies this vehemently, and the family has become divided by alliances on both sides. Need I say this has torn our family apart?

I'm mainly concerned about my children. Should I keep my daughters away from "Uncle John" based solely on these allegations? If I allow my girls to continue to see their uncle, what signs should I watch for that would indicate a problem?

My husband says I must not discuss this with anyone. My heart wants to believe Uncle John is innocent, but my head cautions me to watch out for my children's welfare. Please advise.

- "Sally" in Spokane

Dear Sally: I hope you have a warm and open relationship with your children. It would make things easier.

Start a dialogue with the children about the importance of not allowing anyone to touch their private parts - ever. Let them know if ANYONE tries to do this, they should say, "I don't want you to do that," and then come and tell you at once.

I recommend supervised visits with Uncle John since no proof of guilt has been produced. Meanwhile, bear in mind the accusations may not be valid, so no names should be mentioned to the children.

Dear Ann Landers: A while back, you printed a letter from a father who refused to dance with his daughter "in front of all those people" at her wedding because he was such a lousy dancer. May I say something about that?

I am the world's lousiest dancer, and no amount of lessons would help, but I DID dance at my daughter's wedding, and it was the high point of the evening. Tell that guy it could be his, too, and not to miss it.

- Mobile, Ala.

Dear Mobile: Beautiful! I love it! And I'll bet your daughter did, too.

Dear Ann Landers: Millions of high blood pressure patients were frightened and confused recently by news reports that a blood pressure medicine known as a calcium channel blocker may increase their risk for a heart attack. As a result, many patients discontinued taking their blood pressure medication. This means their blood pressure may rise significantly, putting them at risk for a stroke or possible heart attack.

Please, Ann, urge your readers to discuss any change in medication with their physician. They should not let controversial news reports stop them from taking blood pressure medicine.

Calcium channel blockers, while effective for most patients, are not appropriate for everyone. There are many other treatment options, and the effects can vary depending on the individual. This is why it is important to discuss therapy options with your physician before making any decisions.

If your readers have any questions about calcium channel blockers or other high blood pressure medication, please tell them to write us at: Citizens for Public Action on Blood Pressure and Cholesterol, P.O. Box 30374-HBP, Bethesda, Md. 20824.

- Jerry Wilson,

executive director

Gem of the day: (Credit Robin Williams) "Our kids embody our greatest fantasies and our worst nightmares. On one hand, I see my kid standing before the cameras saying, 'I'd like to thank the Nobel Committee.' On the other hand, I see him saying, 'You want ketchup with those?' "