PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR TO THE STARS.

Byline: - Bob Strauss

Want to hear some real L.A. confidential? Ask Don Crutchfield, private detective to the stars, at 7 tonight at Borders bookstore, 125 W. Thousand Oaks Blvd. in Thousand Oaks.

Crutchfield's book ``Confessions of a Hollywood P.I.,'' co-written with Gene Busnar, details the detective's wide range of celebrity cases involving everyone from Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland and the Beatles to Michael Jackson, Roseanne and O.J. Simpson. Subtitled ``Case File: Babes in Babylon,'' the book places special emphasis on Crutchfield's poignant, usually losing battles to save the children of Marlon Brando, Charles Bronson, Carroll O'Connor and others from the ruinous effects of drugs.

An entertaining raconteur and lifelong investigator, Crutchfield traces his interest in show biz back to his own Culver City childhood, when he'd sneak onto the MGM backlot with his buddies to play cops and robbers.

``I never grew up,'' Crutchfield says. ``I'm still playing cops and robbers.''

The detective will discuss stories in his book and address current celebrity scandals, as well as provide insights into how tabloids and more legitimate media spin the truth. Of course, he'll answer your most prurient questions if he can.

But don't get the wrong idea.

``People who come to the signing are going to see a guy who cares very much about his work,'' he says, ``and about the kids, not only in Hollywood but all over. All my stories are true. This is not a nasty, tell-all book, but it does set the record straight. Some of the people who have been ridiculous are pointed out - people who have done things that are not acceptable.''

Crutchfield will also be appearing at 7:30 p.m. Thursday at Village Books, 1049 Swarthmore Ave. in Pacific Palisades.

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Photo: no caption (Book cover - Confessions of a Hollywood P.I.)