PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE: PARENTS DO ALL THEY CAN, THEN JUST HOPE FOR BEST.

Byline: Wendy Dager

LAST year, another fourth-grade girl challenged my daughter to a fight. This incident didn't occur on the mean streets of the big city. It happened in benign Simi Valley, land of the housewife. A town where nearly everyone has a PTA membership card. A place where children's issues are paramount.

After my daughter told me of the other girl's threat, I talked to the principal, who gave me a couple of options. I figured the safest choice was to have their teacher tell them to stay away from each other. The same day the teacher issued her warning, the girl got in my daughter's face at recess and said, ``Why'd ya have to tell your mom? This is between you and me.'' Tough talk for a 9-year-old girl.

I didn't know what else to do short of reporting the kid to her parents, which likely would've made my child's remaining school year hell. I felt helpless.

Makes me wonder how the parents at Haddon Street Elementary School felt. Haddon is the Pacoima school where a fourth-grade student allegedly brought a box she found outside her home. The box contained a substance that some of the other kids in her class decided to try. It turned out to be LSD, and three of the children were hospitalized overnight.

An additional dozen or so were examined because they complained of symptoms such as headache, but tests proved they didn't have any drugs in their systems. There is some implication that those children were suffering from a form of mass hysteria.

Still, it is evident that this story of hard drugs in the grammar-school yard has caused parents in many communities to wonder if their children are taking a risk simply by being around their peers.

After the incident, the parents convened at the school for a discussion. They said they just wanted to make sure their children were safe at Haddon Elementary.

Safe. Such a deceiving word.

How safe can we expect our kids to be, whether the school is in Pacoima or Simi Valley or elsewhere?

After my daughter was threatened, my stomach knotted every time she left for school in the morning. What was going to happen to her? Was I feeding her to the wolves? During the school year, she encountered even more abuse from her classmates, which included a group shunning. Nine- and 10-year-old children. Babies.

If I couldn't keep my child safe from simple cruelty, how then could parents at Haddon protect their kids from the student who brought in an illegal and dangerous substance?

Children are going to do stupid things. They are going to be horrible to one another. They are going to experiment with their parameters to test us, and they are going to be sneaky about it. Once they get to a certain age, most of us have lost at least a small part of our control over them.

We cannot ask grade school teachers to rummage through backpacks, checking for LSD. We also can't expect principals to guarantee the absolute safety of our children.

And we, as parents, most definitely will not be able to know for sure what is going on at all times on the playground, outside our front door or even in our children's rooms. Impossible.

Some of the children at Haddon may have tried the powdery, white substance because they thought it was a drug. It's a chilling thought, particularly when Drug Abuse Resistance Education programs are in force, when ``just say no'' remains the battle cry of educators, and when most parents, like the ones at Haddon, are trying to do the right thing.

When it comes to the issue of safety, we can educate, we can discipline, we can heighten our awareness, but truly all we have left anymore is to hope.