PERFECT CAN BE SIMPLE, FESTIVE.

Byline: Chris J. Parker Correspondent

With Christmas now only a few days away, a parent's natural instinct is to work faster and harder to make a ``perfect'' holiday: perfect gifts, perfect meals, perfect memories.

Resist the urge, experts say.

``Try to keep your family as normal as possible,'' says Edward R. Christophersen, a psychologist and co-author of the recently released ``Parenting That Works,'' the first general-audience book of its kind published under the auspices of the American Psychological Association.

``You don't reduce stress after it gets there, and you don't reduce stress by talking about it. You have to get off your duff and plan it,'' Christophersen says.

Simplicity is the word of the month, say the experts, especially for parents with young children (preteen or younger).

``Keep it simple,'' says Kari Schmitt, who owns a Gymboree children's play center franchise in Camarillo. ``My whole motto this season is, 'Keep it simple.' ''

And that's not just the advice Schmitt gives her clients - it's also her mantra at home with her husband and their two children, 8-year-old Kassie and 6-year-old Zach.

``We're using minimal decorations - just the favorites - and minimal gifts. We just want to keep it real simple,'' Schmitt says.

Christophersen says that even during the busiest days of the holidays, families need to keep the ``anchors'' of life as normal as possible. Those anchors include sleep schedules, eating times and discipline.

Consistent bed and meal times are the most critical, he says, yet are often the first to be discarded in the crush of the holidays. Parents can skip a meal if they're in the adrenalin rush of last-minute shopping, but kids can't. Parents can stay up late, but most kids will be cranky or lethargic the next day if they don't get their normal sleep.

Regular sleep and meal schedules will ``do more good than any single thing a parent can do,'' Christophersen says. ``Otherwise you're fighting their biological clocks.''

Of course, that's not always practical, most parents would say.

``With the holidays it's hard, but you try to create a balance,'' says Dina Johnson of Glendale, a mother of two girls (6-year-old Haley and 4-year-old Hannah). ``We let them stay up a little, and then let them sleep in. ... If they miss their bedtime to watch their favorite Christmas show, that's OK.''

The Johnsons' schedule is more hectic than most, with family gatherings in San Diego County on Christmas Eve, Glendale and La Canada Flintridge on Christmas Day and Orange County on Christmas night. Johnson says her daughters are typically fast asleep by the time the Tustin party is in full swing on the 25th.

``It's crazy,'' Johnson says with a laugh. The bottom line is to realize that a ``perfect'' holiday isn't always the ``ideal'' holiday.

``You just have to appreciate the fact that not everything is going to get done,'' Johnson says. ``You just stand back and savor as many moments as you can with your kids.''

Time with family is a gift

Here are some tips for making the holidays merry and bright:

Play time: With kids out of school for the winter holiday break, the temptation is to let them watch television while you're finishing up last-minute holiday tasks. But this is actually the best time to reacquaint yourself with your children. Substitute TV for activities that require more interaction, like board or card games, or have them help you with the holiday baking.

Coupon books: Give time instead of money to your kids in the form of handmade coupons. The certificates could include ``afternoon of catch,'' ``watch you ice skate'' or ``make a craft.'' Obviously, this works in reverse as well since kids can give similar coupons to parents or other adult relatives.

Christmas pizza: This helps whoever hosts the family get-together. Instead of preparing a formal, sit-down meal, order pizza and serve it buffet-style on paper plates. Guests can bring the drinks, salad or a tray of cookies. This can be ``upscaled'' to takeout buffet meals from your favorite restaurant, as long as the higher budget won't add stress to the host.

SOURCE: Edward R. Christophersen, co-author of ``Parenting That Works'' (American Psychological Association, 2002)

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