PENALTY BOX NEEDS MORE SEATS.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

So you hear the name Janet Jones, and then the phrase ``gambling bust,'' and isn't the first reaction that she's had another bad experience with a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon?

But then there's the revelation of ``Operation Slap Shot,'' and mob ties, and Rick Tocchet working the phones, and Jeremy Roenick supposedly making regular contributions, and then, against all odds, they drop the gloves on the Great One, and you have to wonder: Who's the biggest boob in Wayne's World now?

How does a desperate housewife knocking around in a big, cold mansion surrounded by a famous Thousand Oaks golf course drop a half mil in about a month's time without running it past her husband at least 99 times?

Does she just have an endless supply of mad money from the soon-to-be vacationing coach of the Ugly Coyotes?

And how does someone who's supposed to be a confidant of Gretzky accept that kind of dough from the Flamingo Kidder and not pull him aside to tell him about it?

Isn't there a way for Gretz to activate the new ``crime deterrent'' device on his cell phone to keep her from making any more calls?

What's her secret to winning a $5,000 on the outcome of the Super Bowl coin flip? Would it be flipping a coin?

Will she be available in a couple years when ESPN is looking for some C-list actress to play her in the made-for-cable movie?

Do you find anything fishy in that the NHL owners meeting this week is in Las Vegas?

And as long as we're on the subject, what are the odds of Gretzky leading Canada to an Olympic ice hockey gold medal?

-- Like the new Kobe Nike commercial? Do you love him or hate him more now?

-- What kind of buzz would there be beyond the reaches of Staples Center if the No. 7 seed Lakers and No. 2 Clippers somehow end up in each other's faces for the first round of the NBA playoffs?

Or would it be more interesting for the No. 8 seed Lakers to pester No. 1 seed Dallas and allow this warped Phil Jackson-Mark Cuban ego game to continue generating copy?

-- Does it cheapen the Super Bowl victory for Jerome Bettis when you see him hawking ``limited edition collectibles'' on the Home Shopping Network just days after the Steelers' victory?

-- Now that the Angels don't have to change their name, will the city of Anaheim change its tune?

-- When was the last time you checked your hemoglobin levels?

And just how does Propecia turn male pattern baldness into a secret steroid blocker that's supposed to be even more dangerous than the hair- raising act of riding a sled down a hill on your back?

-- What would it cost for Joe Montana to make a personal appearance at my kid's game?

-- Before he finally seemed to end his shell game and settle back on Art Shell, you think Al Davis was willing to just go back on the sidelines and coach his Raiders to a 3-13 record himself?