PATIENCE IN THE SERVICE OF THE DYING.

Byline: EDNA SIMPSON Local View

NOBODY knows what life has in store for us as we get older. Whether we're rich or poor, educated or uneducated, our bodies and minds age every day. We forget where we put our keys or mail, and sometimes we forget our best friend's name. It's tough getting old, but we all hope to do it, and hope it won't be a silent road to heaven.

Loveless, but full of love. Talks, but without sound. Thinks, but without understanding. With ears that can barely hear. That's my stepfather-in-law, who is dying of lung cancer and has Alzheimer's disease and dementia.

After being diagnosed with lung cancer, he also had larynx cancer and had to have his voice box removed. He cannot talk loud enough for others to hear. He weighs about 110 pounds and keeps losing more weight each day. He is frail and is now confined to a wheelchair. His long, Indian-brown face is drawn in like a prune. He was tall and handsome, but sickness has changed that, too.

As I tiptoed into his bedroom, I noticed the faint odor of urine. The room was almost dark, except for a strip of sunlight from a window pane that lighted a small section of his bed.

I looked toward the bed. Suddenly he turned his small head -- with sparse black hair and ears that look big because the rest of him has shrunk -- and looked back with aged brown eyes from behind the covers.

``Good morning,'' I said loudly as I pulled the shades open and the bright sunlight flooded the room. He smiled as if glad to see me but frowned as I began to ease him up from the bed toward the shower. I removed his undershirt and soiled diaper. His skinny legs were like a skeleton's. I turned on the water so the shower would be nice and warm. Then I put a large bath towel on the floor so he wouldn't slip while I positioned him on a handicap-access stool near the shower door.

As I lifted him toward the shower, he clung with a strong hand to the bed post, holding on for dear life. Man, he was a strong as an ox! When I started singing his favorite spiritual song, a big bright smile covered his face, and his hands slipped off the bed post. Into the shower he went. Thank God!

I soaped up the washcloth and washed him from head to toe. The warm water moved lightly over his skinny body. I grabbed the bath towel that was hanging over the shower door to dry him. As I finished drying him, suddenly he had a bowel movement right outside the shower door.

I grabbed a roll of paper towels from behind the bathroom sink. I scooped the mess of the floor and into a plastic bag for disposal. Back in the shower he went, with the help of a lot of singing.

Dementia or Alzheimer's is uncontrollable for those who have it. Love, patience and understanding are necessities for those who care for and about them.

Remember the Golden Rule. Do unto other as you would have them do unto you. All of us hope for a disease-free road to heaven -- or a disease-free road when we get there.