PARENTING CHILDREN AVOID SCHOOL.

Byline: Greg Steckler and Gerald Deskin

Children refuse to go to school for many reasons. Parents need to understand why a child does not do what other children do, that is, leave home on time, five days a week and go to school. School phobia is a persistent refusal by the child to go to school and may need to be dealt with by a professional psychologist or counselor.

Children refuse to go to school for reasons they themselves often do not understand. Here are some possible reasons:

A child may be anxious about separating from his or her mother. Separation anxiety is one of the conditions that may require professional help, but not before parents try to help the child themselves. Sometimes, instead of putting the child on a bus or driving the child to school, wait for a few minutes; this may help solve the problem.

Sometimes, the issues have to do with school clothes. Other problems may be social in nature, such as having to deal with a school bully or rejection by a group of children at school. A child feels these events as very disturbing, even though a parent may make little of them. Other children may have learning problems and feel dumb or fear being laughed at. A child may not only react with anxiety about having to go to school, but also with depression or sadness. Having to bring home poor grades and face the criticism of parents or a lessening of self-esteem may be a problem.

The problem may lie with events at school. A child may have problems with the teacher or someone on the playground. Unresolved conflict with someone at school may make any child hesitant to go to school. Not all children are mature enough to face a new school year, even if the class is age appropriate. Sometimes, it takes time and special care for a child to master the current demands that the school situation imposes. Children differ in their sensitivity to the demands of teachers and the social demands of other children.

Sometimes, parents first notice the problem when the child claims to feel ill. This may work once or twice, but soon, most parents realize that this is simply a way to avoid school. If school avoidance happens rarely, it is not a problem. Most of us would rather stay home from work at one time or another. Children are no different.

To solve the problem, parents need to take several steps. First, parents need to try to understand why the child wants to stay home. Is it anxiety about leaving home or is it a problem at school? A second step would be to consult your child's teacher. Often the teacher may have a simple explanation for the problem. The work may be too hard for the child. Homework or assignments may not have been turned in. The teacher may have had to reprimand the child several times. The teacher may have observed the child's behavior with other children and may be able to pinpoint the problem. The teacher or school counselor can perhaps provide you with the information you need to help your child. The decision may be to change classes or teachers, or even to change schools.

If the teacher cannot help you, you may need the help of a psychologist or counselor. A psychological-educational evaluation may answer the questions you need answered. Individual and/or family counseling may help resolve the child's fears about going to school. Medication in some cases may be recommended to relieve the child's anxiety. What's really important is that the child is helped as quickly as possible to return to the classroom. The longer a child is out of school, the harder it is to again leave home every morning and go to school.

Recommendations for parents: 1. School phobia or refusal to go to school can result in serious problems. 2. After trying to solve the problem themselves, parents should consult the teacher about why their child doesn't want to go to school. 3. If parents do not see the problem being resolved, consult a professional psychologist or counselor to evaluate your child and help the family work toward a solution.