PARENTING : SENSE OF HUMOR HELPS FAMILIES FUNCTION MORE SMOOTHLY, HAPPILY.

Byline: Greg Steckler and Gerald Deskin 

A sense of humor acts as a lubricant to ease the flow of family life. It helps to remind us of our humanity with all of our limitations. It encourages us not to make mountains out of molehills and helps to make molehills out of our mountains.

Humor reminds us to have a perspective about life that keeps things properly prioritized. It allows us to see the forest in the midst of dealing with each tree.

When you ask parents who have had three or more children what it means to be good parents, you most likely will hear answers that focus on concepts like love, patience, help and support. Absent from their vocabulary will be concepts like doing it right, being the best, or having a neat and orderly house. After a number of years and/or a number of kids, parents' expectations are beaten into submission from intellectual ideas into emotional support, appreciation and gratitude. Like a stone made round and smooth by turbulent waters, humor reveals wisdom. In short, it points to higher values.

The benefits of humor and laughter cover all levels. The physiological benefits of laughter include increased blood flow, reduced tension and stress, and improved immune-system functioning. Intellectually, humor develops creative thinking and one's imagination. Psychologically, laughter breaks up fear and anger, opens communication and is a great antidote for depression (besides being cheap!).

In the context of family life, humor can help children understand that their particular dramas are being played out on a much larger stage than they usually imagine. Humor helps them put their realities into perspective. It keeps them from feeling they have to be too perfect. It eases pain and brings people closer together.

A sense of humor is probably most important as children reach their adolescent and preadolescent years. Life can become very serious for them. Humor is not designed to put down or minimize their feelings, especially when they already feel you don't understand them. You simply need to remind them that life is much bigger than their current world, and it is awaiting them with a host of new experiences that will change their current attitudes and feelings.

Children appreciate a sense of humor as long as it is not directed at them. When humor turns to teasing or sarcasm that comes from a parent, children can be hurt. It makes them feel less safe, and they close down. All the positive effects of humor are thrown out the window. Humor is most effective when the child also knows that the parent is not afraid of confrontation or being serious when it is needed. It is important to pick your battles and stay hard on the big issues.

It is also important to help children learn to distinguish the right time and place for humor. They need to know when it is appropriate and when it is not appropriate. They need to know when someone's feelings are going to be hurt, and when someone wants/needs to be taken seriously.

Recommendations: 1. A little humor keeps the family functioning. 2. Humor and laughter produce health on many levels. 3. Distinguish between humor and sarcasm around children. 4. Don't let humor be a substitute for necessary confrontation.