PARENTING : DON'T WAIT TO TALK WITH KIDS ABOUT SEX.

Byline: Greg Steckler and Gerald Deskin 

Although we should learn about sex from our parents, most of us do not. We learn from friends who may be equally confused, or from TV and movies. Most importantly, most children become confused by all the do's and don'ts they learn early on.

Good sex education can work for all parents, from the most liberal to the most conservative. There is a time to teach children your values about this important matter. Children's questions need to be answered from the very first time they ask, in a manner they can understand. This does not mean giving the full facts of reproduction to your 5-year-old, but giving an informative answer that the child will understand. Your child should be able to feel free to talk to you in confidence and in private about intimate matters. Unfortunately, most children do not learn about normal sexuality from their parents. For example, children are reaching puberty in fourth grade more often rather than seventh grade. Many girls reaching puberty start their periods without proper education and are confused and panicked about what to do. Some parents feel the school should educate their children about sex, and in fact, schools are mostly doing a better job. However, parents need to depend on themselves, not schools, for basic education in these areas.

Teach your child about sex bit by bit, not all at once at age 12 or 13. At that age, parents and children are often embarrassed, and children withdraw and discuss sex with their friends. Or they don't talk about sex at all, but try to learn about sex from TV and movies. It is your role as parent to bring up the matter and tell your children what they want to know.

What if you don't know the answer? Nobody has all the answers about sexuality, including the professionals. What you should do is simple. Tell your child you don't know, but you will get the answer. The Internet now has many sites that give good information that you can relay to your children.

What if you and your child disagree about sex? Sometimes adolescents can be challenging and difficult. What is important is that you give your opinion and that you let children know your values. They may not always respect what you say at the moment, but a child will remember what you've said. Children, at times, need to rebel against parental values, but as they mature they begin to agree with their parents. As long as you do not give them misinformation, you are on the right track.

When do you start with sex education? Most children should have the basic facts about sexual intercourse somewhere between 6 and 7 years of age, depending on their maturity. Remember, if you don't tell them, somebody else will. Sex education at puberty, which may range from 7 to 14, should include information about contraception and your views as to when to start sexual activity. By adolescence, most teen-agers learn not only from parents, but also from their peer group.

How do you prevent children from engaging in sex too early? You start at an early age by giving your child sex information and making your values known, and most importantly, building a trusting relationship.

Suggestions for parents: 1. Talk to your children early and often about sex, especially when they ask questions. 2. As an important function in marriage and in life, your values are of the greatest importance for your child to learn.