PARENTING : BROTHERS AND SISTERS MAY AS WELL GET USED TO SHARING.

Byline: Greg Steckler and Gerald Deskin 

Rivalry between siblings is not unusual. Rather, although very wearing for parents, rivalry is a normal part of growing up and learning to share.

Children first need to learn to share parents. An only child who is the center of attention does not take easily to the birth of a brother or sister. Sometimes, it is the beginning of a rivalry that can last a lifetime. Most children, however, learn to share their parents because they have no choice. Their sibling is not going to go away.

What you do as parents will determine how easily this process is and how quickly a child learns to share. Parents usually learn quickly that each child needs quality time, the full attention of their parent, even if it is only for a short period of time every day.

Children need to learn to take turns. They learn the valuable lesson of waiting their turn and delaying gratification. Some children learn this lesson easily; for others it is more difficult.

For some the answer to the question, ``Whom does Mommy love most?'' never does get resolved.

Children learn to share toys the same way. They learn to take turns, to wait to play with a specific toy. For some children this is not easy. They have tantrums and cry, but out of this process comes an understanding that they have to wait for their chance to play with a particular toy.

Parents can help by offering alternative toys, or sometimes removing a toy so that neither child gets to play with it at that moment. As children grow and learn the limits their parents set, they can learn to share more easily.

Again, learning to come to some agreement is a valuable lesson that every child has to learn. As children grow older, they learn to solve the problem themselves.

What parents need to do is to assess the situation. Obviously a 1-year-old child will not understand how to come to a reasonable agreement. This child may need to be enticed or distracted by another toy.

As children grow they can learn cooperation rather than competition for what they want. Parents need to tell older children that they must make their own decision to share. They need to learn that if they cannot reach an agreement, both will lose.

Parents need to maintain their control by staying calm and not becoming part of the problem. It is difficult to be patient when children's voices are raised. See if they can solve the problem themselves. If they can't, then you need to step in and teach them the valuable lesson that it pays to cooperate.

Suggestions for parents: 1. See the inability to share as a chance to teach a valuable lesson. 2. For very young children, use distraction or removal of the toy as a solution.