Our secret chili recipe.

* OUR SECRET CHILI RECIPE

Never mind the multimedia technology blitz, the new pen-based systems, Apple's sexy PowerBooks, or the thundering herd of Windows applications. The real high point of Fall Comdex was the Micrografx Chili Cookoff, a Texas-style extravaganza that lured hundreds of industry luminaries to a tent in the desert for armadillo races, 27 varieties of chili (including entries from the Dallas Cowboys, Miss Texas, and Soft*letter), and a concert by C&W singer George Strait. Moreover, this was a party with a purpose: Sponsorship fees and tickets for the event brought in a million dollars for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. Of course, weld like to report that our own legendary Armadillo Road Kill Chili" recipe won top honors, but the truth is that the judges once again revealed a bias toward flamethrower-style recipes. (We notice that Computer Reseller News, this year's winner, imposed a news blackout on its own victory. Kinda makes you wonder what's in the stuff they were dishing out ... ) Our own recipe--a classic Cincinnati-style chili--did seem pretty popular, however, so we've decided to disclose the secret ingredients:

  One medium armadillo, flattened and finely chopped
    (may substitute 1 lb ground sirloin)
    2 finely chopped onions                 1 bay leaf
    2 cloves garlic, minced                 1/2 tsp ground cumin
    1 cup tomato sauce                      1/2 tsp turmeric
    1 cup water                             1/2 tsp marjoram
    2 tbs ketchup                           1/2 tsp nutmeg
    1 tbs red wine vinegar                  1/2 tsp allspice
    1 tsp honey                             1/2 tsp cinnamon
    1 oz unsweetened chocolate, grated      1/4 tsp ground cloves
    1 tsp salt                              1/4 tsp ground coriander
    1 tsp ground black pepper               1/4 tsp cardamon
    1 tbs chili powder                      1/4 tsp mace
    1tbs paprika

Brown meat, onions, and garlic. (Mixture should be finely crumbled.) Add liquid ingredients, bring to a boil, and add dry ingredients. Simmer about one hour, mixing frequently, until chili develops a rich, smokey flavor and a porridge-like consistency. Serve over beans, spaghetti, chopped onions, or (our personal preference) white rice. Serves 4.