Oh Ia, oh lee oh: this noble and distinguished art.

In 1955, Pope Pius XII wrote the encyclical On Sacred Music. He did it so that, in his own words, "this noble and distinguished art may contribute more every day to greater splendour in the celebration of divine worship and to the more effective nourishment of spiritual life among the faithful" (#1).

Because sacred music has such liturgical significance, Pope Pius continued, the Church must take "the greatest care" to prevent whatever might be "unbecoming" or distracting to enter into sacred music, for it is a "servant... of the sacred liturgy" (#30).

I doubt whether the purveyors of the "Polka Mass" have read this encyclical. I attended such a production recently, which I'll not soon forget. You've probably seen TV ads for polka bands. Now transplant the same phenomenon into church on Sunday (minus the lederhosen). To the trill of accordion and oompah-pah, the words of the "processional hymn" jumble forth in a brisk polka tempo:

Oh la, oh lee oh, We sing and praise your holy name

Oh la, oh lee oh, Forgive our sins, forget our blame.

Oh la, oh lee oh, Please take our troubles for today;

Oh la, oh lee oh, As we worship You and pray.

The rest of the Mass offered much the same, as we bounced and jiggled our way through the Sanctus, Lamb of God, Memorial Acclamation and other hymns.

Please understand I don't dislike the accordion. Indeed, I recently bought my husband a CD by the "Oktoberfest Oompah Band" subtitled German Beer Drinking Songs (in honour of his cultural heritage) on which the instrument features prominently. Our children enjoy dancing about the house to its melodious strains, but I've never suggested we play it as background music while we pray the rosary. Why then, must we endure it at Mass? Whatever happened to reverence and decorum? If it's accordions today, why not 0 Sanctissima accompanied by kazoos and bicycle horns tomorrow? (Gracious, what am I saying? Marian hymns and Latin have been all but banned from many parishes.)

Nor is it the Polka Mass per se that has me piqued-- it's the "anything goes" attitude towards the Sacred Liturgy. Many of the following don't have official names (like the now passe appellation "Folk Mass") but most of us have experienced them: the Rock 'n Roll Mass, Rumba Mass, Inclusive Language Mass (excluding all masculine nouns and pronouns), Lovelorn Cowboy Mass, or the Merry-go-round Mass (a.k.a. `Children's Mass', replete with those trite, repetitive numbers which insult not only the musical taste but the very intelligence of the average 6-year-old.)

When it comes to sacred music, we seem to have replaced the sublime with the sub-standard. lex orandi, lex credendi ("As we pray, so we believe"). Liturgical music is supposed to nourish our souls, and for the last few decades we've been fed an awful lot of junk food. Rather than being elevated and expanded, our spirits have often been drained and squashed underfoot. Church music has gone, as my friend Rod once punned, "From one soul to the other [sole]."

Not that Mass should never be a toe-tappin' good time. Scripture enjoins us to make a joyful noise unto the Lord. And it would be outrageous to insist upon the use of only one type of music Sunday after Sunday. Surely everyone should have an opportunity to worship in the style of music he prefers. We must be inclusive and open-minded--so say the progressive liturgist and choir director. Until, that is, you ask for some traditional hymns, maybe some chant, and the occasional use of Latin. Then suddenly inclusiveness goes out the window. I'm not sure why, but I suspect that nebulous and omnipresent entity, the "Spirit of Vatican II," might have something to do with it.

Pope Pius's encyclical was written before the Council; so was most of the best liturgical music. You figure it out. I'm not criticizing Vatican 11--far from it. I think it's high time the actual documents of the Council were implemented. Maybe then we'd see a liturgical restoration of which everyone could approve. Even the Oktoberfest Oompah Band. Oh la, oh lee oh.

Mariette Ulrich is from Scott, SK, and is Catholic Insight's Western columnist