Of course we'll never remember to take a male Pill. We're men for God's sake! View from PLANET BLOKE.

Byline: William Leith

AS WE speak, there are scientists in Edinburgh injecting men in the bottom. They are trying to find a male version of the female contraceptive pill. The idea, of course, is to stop unwanted pregnancies. But will it work? I doubt it. Guys, particularly when they are young and in the highest risk group for causing unwanted pregnancies, have a weird attitude to contraception.

At first, you don't want to make an effort to stop something from happening when you have never got anywhere near making it happen. This would seem boastful, like buying a razor before you can shave. Your friends would mock you mercilessly.

When I was a teenager, I spent a lot of time walking into chemists and not buying condoms, even though condoms were on my mind. I thought one day I might buy them, just to make a start.

But what then? A Pandora's box lay ahead of me. I would have to open it up. What type of condoms would I buy? Where would I keep them? What would be my precise relationship with them? When I was 16, my bravest friend, who was 17, took the lead. He walked into the chemist, went straight to the counter and ordered, by brand and quantity. 'Three Durex Nu-Form.' Then he marched out.

This, as he knew, was something that I, a definite virgin, was less entitled to do than he was. A huge gulf was now between us.

What was the best way forward? Obviously, to become the sort of person who had the requisite amount of swagger.

But there is a catch-22. Clearly, you must master contraception before, rather than after, you need it. But before you've needed it, you don't know the first thing about it.

So, I wondered, should I, in some way, get into practice? If I bought a packet of three, maybe I could do a trial with one and save the other two. But would that be enough? And how would I account for the missing condom?

That's the thing about young guys and contraception. It's not that it's not important to them. It is, in a way, too important. It's too momentous. The fragile male ego would rather not think about it.

In the end, I acquired a condom as part of a winner's pot in a game of cards. I pretended not to want it, but from then on I kept it in the front pocket of my cords, always aware of the vaguely ridged shape it made on my thigh as I walked along.

When the crucial moment arrived, I was unprepared. I had not put in any practice. I didn't know anything about the condom in my pocket -- its age, its size, its provenance. I didn't even know how to open the packet.

I understood, with sudden clarity, that to produce the condom would be a statement, probably unwelcome, about my expectations. So nothing happened.

When my next chance arrived, and something did happen, the condom was long forgotten. So I took a big risk. I took this risk because, as a teenage boy, losing your virginity seems to be a more serious matter than any possible outcome. I was lucky. Every week, thousands are not.

So should we applaud those scientists in Edinburgh? Biologically, they must solve a knotty problem.

The female Pill, which needs only to stop two eggs from appearing every month, is relatively simple. But men are different. They produce millions of sperm every month. A male Pill would have to kill or cripple every single one of them. A mammoth task.

But that's not the real problem. A male Pill would be dangerous.

Boys don't get pregnant. Egged on by their fragile male egos, they would have a huge incentive to lie. 'Don't worry,' they would say, 'I'm sorted.' I wonder if those scientists have thought of that. They are trying to stop unwanted pregnancy.

But the effect of their actions will surely be the exact opposite. If they succeed, the floodgates will open. Every day, up and down the country, young couples will arrive at the moment of truth.

But it won't always be a moment of truth. This time, remember, it's not women you're dealing with. It's us, for God's sake.

Who knew?

Two million Durex condoms per month are filled with water and suspended for a minute to test for leaks