OSCAR, INTERRUPTED HOLD ON A MINUTE - OUR CRITIC HAS A FEW MORE THINGS TO SAY.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Writer

THANK YOU, Russell Crowe, for your love of poetry. Hats off to Matt Drudge for a complete lack of ethics. Thanks to Miramax for marketing a bleak movie about the soul-shattering cost of revenge as a resounding tale of triumph and redemption. And thank you, academy members, for reminding us yet again that the meek shall inherit the awards.

Now if all the lists of thank-yous and shout-outs given tonight were as concise as that, we might not have to worry about dear Russell going postal on an unsuspecting producer. (As Robin Williams recently put it in an interview, imitating Crowe's BAFTA brouhaha: ``You DON'T cut me off! I (expletive) memorized a poem! A four-line poem!'')

But the recipients of my aforementioned gratitude underscore the fact that without this year's tawdry sideshow acts, this year's Academy Awards ceremony would be about as must-see-worthy as the Oscar-nominated ``Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius.'' (My apologies to Tom Hanks and his animation committee, who had the ``artistic integrity'' to pick ``Neutron'' over the ponderous, but gorgeous ``Waking Life.'' Hell, ``Final Fantasy'' would have made more sense than Jimmy Boy.)

I digress. But not really, because this year, even more than most, the omissions are so much more interesting to talk about than all the safe, comforting nominees. The problem is encapsulated in the best-picture category with its films that are easy to embrace but difficult to admire (``A Beautiful Mind,'' ``Gosford Park'') vs. the films that are easy to admire but difficult to embrace (``In the Bedroom,'' ``Moulin Rouge'').

That leaves ``The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring'' as the obvious choice for best picture. Except that the movie's most passionate admirers, the fantasy freaks and geeks, could care less if the movie wins an Oscar. That crowd probably won't even be watching the ceremony tonight because it would take away from the time they're devoting to learn to speak Elvish.

And who can blame that kind of prioritizing, really? When you have an awards show as traditionally screwed-up as the Oscars, a vacation trip to Kabul looks sane by comparison. Still, there is the off-chance that a few things could go right. Namely, if:

--Denzel Washington does not win an Oscar. Yes, he's a great actor. But this is not a career-achievement prize, and ``Training Day'' isn't the movie or the performance Washington should be recognized for. It would be like giving Pacino his first Oscar for ``Scent of a Woman,' a laughable choice that looks more ridiculous by the year.

Give the Oscar to the actor who gave the best performance - Crowe - and trust that Denzel has a few more great turns left in him.

--Ben Kingsley does win. Like Washington, he played against type. Unlike Washington, there wasn't a trace of ham in his performance.

--Voters forget career achievement and think about this year's achievement. And that belongs to Nicole Kidman, brilliant in both ``Moulin Rouge'' and ``The Others.''

--Voters remember the word ``original'' and honor ``Memento'' with the original screenplay award. It's a crumb, yes. But the movie deserves something for its sustained brilliance.

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Glenn's pick for the best origional screenplay: ``Memento,'' with Guy Pearce.