OSBOURNE FAMILY VALUES MTV'S HIT SHOW OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY.

Byline: Joseph Honig Local View

EVERYweek millions of Americans eagerly inhale the confused, addled ravings of an over-the-hill rock star and his terribly spoiled offspring as if stupidity and self-absorption were touchstones of family entertainment.

They are watching ``The Osbournes.''

It is not smart. It is not informative. But MTV has struck ratings gold with this ``reality'' portrait of Beverly Hills sloth punctuated by bleeped profanity and conspicuous consumption.

That Ozzy Osbourne, leader of the cult band Black Sabbath, is a Prozac- dependent, almost palsied and certainly mixed-up dad is less amusing than it is pitiful.

That two of his teen-age children either bray about ``getting wasted'' or the uselessness of education is a sad comment on Osbourne family values.

That Americans lap up such shame as humorous diversion shows we are a nation still in love with laughing at tragedy.

For ``The Osbournes'' is a saga of what happens when too much money meets too much vanity and stupidity. Ozzy lives in a house with every modern convenience and a splendid home theater. But because he lacks focus and any mental agility, he is flummoxed by remote controls for all that splendid technology.

Does Ozzy approach such problems with patience and discipline? Does he ask a servant for the instructions? Not at all. This middle-age millionaire simply yells and curses - in front of the family, of course - and cries for wife Sharon to bail him out of his misery. He is not funny. He is not endearing.

Week after week Ozzy shows us how a spoiled 53-year-old man fails to learn anything from experience or others.

What a patriarch.

Ozzy has raised his 16-year-old son, Jack, to be the kind of kid who better stay rich. Jack never wakes up until 9 a.m. and is home-schooled for only a couple of hours each day. He has a part-time job as a talent scout and lies to his parents about how much alcohol he imbibes.

Osbourne's son is consumed by show business - not an unusual teen-age preoccupation - but reports spending most of his time ``hanging out with my friends and getting wasted.''

He also likes to bathe in Ozzy's hot tub with the family pets. No one asks whether he's reading any books.

Kelly Osbourne is 17 and attends a conventional school. She lives by what can only be called rock star discipline; on a recent Thursday evening Kelly was admonished to be home by sunrise. Kelly is not an unintelligent girl, but, like her brother, clearly is a Hollywood brat. She enjoys nightclubs and mingling with celebrities, and opines that math is a subject fit mostly for construction workers and accountants.

If Kelly has any charitable or philanthropic concerns, they are left on the cutting room floor.

Sharon Osbourne, a wonder of plastic surgery and liposuction, is the brains of the outfit. Sharon has managed Ozzy's career - we are in the dark as to whether she first suggested he bite the heads off bats - and can actually manage a sentence without curse words. She stands alongside her husband in advising their children on the benefits of safe sex and the dangers of drug use.

But no one in Sharon's television home ever gets grounded for underage drinking.

This is a family apparently obsessed with clothing and cool and what money can buy.

Yes, there are sweet times. The Osbournes may be dysfunctional, but they have genuine affection for one another. They care, but not enough to work at raising each other up from the pursuits of leisure or comfort.

You will never see Jack or Kelly attend medical or law school. You will never see Ozzy or Sharon tell their children that the world is full of noble pursuits entailing hard work and sacrifice.

Nevertheless, ``The Osbournes'' is a megahit. In the world of cable television, it is the World Series and Super Bowl rolled into a single hour of almost nonstop swearing. Six million viewers have advertisers cheering. The family may get a 1,000 percent raise next year from its paltry $20,000 weekly salary. And Ozzy's band is gaining more under-25 fans every day.

All this from simply living at the top of their lungs.

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Photo:

(color) Aging rock star Ozzy Osbourne, left, and his family, wife Sharon and kids, Kelly and Jack, have a hit series, but what does say about its viewers?

MTV