OPPOSITES KNOW BEST; IN THIS DUO, IT'S WILD CHILD MEETS SANDRA DEE.

Byline: Barbara De Witt Daily News Fashion Editor

Mother's Day at Kirsten Dunst's home in Toluca Lake is like a scene out of a sitcom.

Not ``Father Knows Best'' or ``Happy Days.''

``We're more like `Absolutely Fabulous,' and my mom is like Goldie Hawn in the film `First Wives' Club,' '' the young Dunst says, laughing.

Yes, her manager-mom, Inez, is a bit of a wild child. And the 17-year-old actress, who became a star after working in ``Interview With the Vampire'' and ``Little Women,'' leans more toward the Sandra Dee type of innocence.

But the contrast works for this mother-daughter duo.

``Yeah, I'm crazier than my daughter,'' says the recently divorced Inez. ``Actually it's Kirsten who keeps me in line. I like to party, but I'm a strict mom. And I try to teach my children to be self-sufficient human beings so that they have confidence in themselves.''

Granted, this is no average household.

Four cats roam the house, and a barking Yorkshire terrier runs loose. The phone rings constantly, as does the fax machine. And, oh yeah, there's 12-year-old brother Christian, who's home on a school day because he dyed his hair during the weekend and it didn't wash out.

But amid the chaos is a lot of order.

Kirsten admits she has to clean the bedroom she's temporarily sharing with Christian (while her own new bedroom with a loft is being completed), doesn't have a driver's license yet, and doesn't have guys beating down her door for a date.

``Mom keeps me grounded and doesn't let stuff go to my head. ... I'm a normal teen-ager, but I act.''

So, what does a girl who can afford to buy just about anything do for her nontraditional mom on Mother's Day?

``Well, for the past two years we've gone to the L.A. Mission and helped serve a Mother's Day breakfast to homeless mothers and children. And last year after we worked at the Mission, I got a tattoo and then we all went out for brunch,'' says Inez.

Kirsten and Christian laugh loudly. ``It's true. We think it's cool, but we don't want one,'' they say in reference to their mother's yellow rose and heart design on her ankle.

Past Mother's Days have had more traditional starts.

``Usually when I'd get up, they would give me flowers and something they made at school,'' Inez recalls fondly. ``I remember my son giving me a pot with seeds planted in it, and both have given me pictures in frames they made. And they might give me perfume, but never something practical like a coffee pot.''

Kitchen accessories just wouldn't fly for this mother.

Says Kirsten, ``I try to get Mom something she wouldn't buy for herself, like jewelry ... a diamond heart necklace, flowers and clothes. Or Angel perfume, which is my favorite scent.''

How appropriate for this young star with a dreamy, cover-girl smile.

Sure, she may have nearly 40 films and TV shows under her belt already, but this 11th-grader is a typical teen.

``I do the laundry. I like to go bowling with my friends at Sports Center Bowl in Studio City, go for facials with my mom at Belle Visage in Sherman Oaks'' - she got her first one at age 8 - ``drink chocolate milkshakes at Jerry's Famous Deli in Studio City and watch `Saturday Night Live,' '' Kirsten says. ``Actually, I'd like to host it someday.''

She attends a private school, where she likes English better than math and loves reading classics such as ``Catcher in the Rye'' and ``To Kill a Mockingbird.''

She loves to shop, and lists BCBG, Betsey Johnson, Cynthia Rowley and Katia Dali as her favorite fashion designers.

But the typical teen is anything but average as soon as she puts her Hollywood hat back on.

Kirsten says her best film experience was working for young actress-turned-director Sofia Coppola in ``Virgin Suicides,'' an upcoming film about five sisters who kill themselves. ``But Andrew Fleming was great to work with, too. He directed me in `Dick,' (opening Aug. 4) a comedy that's like `Clueless' meets Watergate.''

Kirsten's also starring in ``Drop Dead Gorgeous,'' which opens July 16, and is working on a new film in Prague (Mom's there, too).

Future plans for this teen who loves swing music and Peggy Lee songs?

She's hoping for a musical.

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3 Photos

PHOTO (1--Cover--Color) THANKS, MOM

Valley actress Kirsten Dunst shares gift ideas.

(On the cover: Kirsten and Inez Dunst in fashions by Max Azria.)

(2--Color) Kirsten Dunst in a '50s-inspired silk sundress by BCBG. Her hair and makeup provided by Prive Salon in West Hollywood.

(3--Color) Calling herself a normal teen-ager who happens to act, Dunst says she loves shopping for the latest looks, such as these BCBG clamdigger pants.

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