ON 'SURVIVOR,' REALITY BYTES BUT WILL THE LESSONS HEERE GO ON FOREVER?

Byline: David Kronke Television Writer

If Richard - the snaky, corpulent nudist whose hobbies include spearing fish and back-stabbing his colleagues - does win the million-dollar prize tonight on ``Survivor,'' the show will immediately emerge as the most subversive mainstream TV series in history. Its inevitable lesson, already familiar in Hollywood, will be a great one for the kids: Merit systems are for wusses. Duplicity is the work ethic of the 21st century. Nice guys finish last.

Heck, that's the message anyway.

The ``Survivor'' crew has begun cashing in on its cheap + easy = cheesy 15 minutes. Whiny attorney Stacey and grumpy old man B.B. did a shoe commercial; proud papa and prouder sloth Gervase will guest-star in a UPN sitcom; concerned single mother Jenna is ``baring all'' for a ``gentleman's'' magazine. Of the bunch, however, only Richard nailed representation with a high-powered Hollywood agency, William Morris.

Of course, the chances for Richard - who's already bagged a radio talk show - actually being declared the winner tonight are virtually nil. After all, the folks who are still smarting after having yanked out the knives he plunged into their backs are the same ones who will be determining who gets to be a millionaire.

Tonight's much-vaunted two-hour finale finds the 16 original contestants whittled down to four - Richard, of course, and Rudy, the cantankerous old Navy SEAL; Kelly, the cantankerous young river-rafter and fugitive from North Carolina justice; and Susan, the cantankerous redneck and spelling-bee reject.

There will be two challenges tonight. First, the four remaining survivors will answer questions about the 12 castaways who have preceded them off Pulau Tiga. Given the epic levels of self-absorption among this bunch, knowing anything about anyone else may be the toughest task to date. Secondly, the finalists will literally walk through fire, or a fair TV approximation thereof. In the end, ``Survivor'' becomes a legal thriller as the two plead to the previous seven ejectees why they deserve the suitcase full of cash.

And if you think ``Survivor'' ends with the winner counting his money and the losers counting their chigger bites, you underestimate CBS' ability to milk this puppy. Following the program will be a live (on the East Coast) ``town-hall meeting'' moderated by a guy as chilly as Richard's manipulations, Bryant Gumbel.

``Survivor: The Reunion'' (taking place a whole minute after we last saw them!) will feature all 16 contestants reminiscing before a studio audience about the 39 days that shook a country. After that, ``Late Show with David Letterman'' will reassemble the castaways (after only 35 minutes apart!) for Dave's Top 10 list and feature an interview with the winner.

While Gloria warbles and Dave chortles, pundits will be injecting their last pet theories: What transformed ``Survivor'' into a pop-culture event? We thought ``reality TV'' really just meant this was the year of ``Who Wants to Be a Millionaire'' and ``Survivor,'' with a lot of other pretenders surfacing before promptly dropping from sight. That a lot more are in the pipeline may be more a function of impending strikes by actors and writers than it is the long-term viability of the format.

Viewers, weary of traditional genre television, particularly sitcoms, sought something different last season. And a group of disgruntled and desperate island castaways coping with limited rations and one another and transforming coconuts into telephones hadn't been on network airwaves since Gilligan plonked one on the Skipper's noggin.

Massive kudos must be accorded executive producer Mark Burnett, who assembled some entertaining characters, which, as ``Big Brother'' proved, is a lot harder than it looks. (It's still hard to believe that ``Big Brother's'' Brittany isn't just some performance artist's parody of 20- somethings' morbidly pathetic self-absorption.) Where the trailer-park trash in the ``Big Brother'' house seem to think the show's about maintaining comfort levels and getting along, ``Survivor's'' tough guys and gals understood that succeeding in TV is considerably more cutthroat.

Richard assumed the role of villain with a laudably gleeful zeal, sending fans across America running to dictionaries to look up the word ``Machiavellian.'' Rudy and B.B. were both sterling and crusty examples of the Generation Gap, crabbily taking responsibility for everything that those damn no-good flaky kids (Sean, Greg, Dirk, etc.) wouldn't get off their miserable butts to accomplish, while Gervase laughingly played the Gen-X slacker prototype.

And just when you thought all the women were whiny ditzes, there was heroic, humble Gretchen, a mom who had taught survival tactics to the Air Force elite, the island's sole beacon of decency and rationality, the woman the smart money thought would win. Until, naturally, Richard flexed his flaccid pecs and started throwing his considerable uncovered weight around.

Sure, those ``immunity challenges'' were hokey beyond belief (and sloppily edited) but the ``tribal councils'' were even more hokey, with goofball host Jeff Probst's chumpy lectures on fire and symbolism and extinguishing torches. Probst's name alone is enough to inspire campy sniggering. But at least there was a pronounced narrative oomph to the proceedings (``Big Brother,'' take note) and as a bonus, ``Survivors'' castaways mulled things over beyond the details of their own navels (``Big Brother,'' ditto).

Most crucially, ``Survivor'' was immeasurably aided by the season's somnambulant news cycle. In terms of other diversions, our planet could only muster a repeat of last year's astonishing Lance Armstrong victory in some bike thing that happened over there in Europe somewhere, the spectacles of tedium that were the political conventions and the misadventures of a Russian sub, where Mark Burnett could base his next reality series. Hollywood conspired by serving up the lamest summer flicks in recent memory (and that's saying something). Not one major film could prompt a discussion beyond ``Cool effects, huh?''

Therefore, denizens of the water cooler (or the Internet chat room) had only the meretricious chicanery of Richard, the orneriness of Rudy, the cuteness of Colleen and the loopiness of Gervase, Greg, Sean and Dirk to deconstruct over the summer.

In fact, both ``Survivor'' and ``Big Brother'' have inspired some truly inspired prose - not to mention haiku - on the Internet. Survivorsucks.com and Salon.com's ``Big Brother'' episode recaps are invariably 10 times more entertaining than the programs they describe. These Web sites make relentless fun of their subjects, but their entertainment value spilled over, helping the shows. You had to watch the show to get the jokes, and the jokes were definitely worth getting.

Meanwhile, the castaways are parlaying their celebrity into bigger paydays - despite the chances being slim that we're interested in seeing them in any other context - and Burnett is scouting the Australian outback for ``Survivor 2,'' which will debut next January after the Super Bowl. While it's a safe bet that the sequel will lack the novelty of the original - unless Burnett gets really lax on the psychological profiling of its participants - we'll always have fond memories of the summer of ``Survivor's'' grueling personal drama, hype's media event of the year. At least until the Olympics.

FINAL 4 COUNTDOWN

After two more ``Survivor'' castaways are whittled away in immunity challenges in tonight's episode, a jury of seven contestants eliminated over the past few weeks will decide who wins the million-dollar prize. Handicapping the Final Four:

Richard: After one episode, he had already established himself as the guy folks would love to hate. Now that he's engineered the demise of virtually everyone in the jury of castaways who will decide the winner, do you honestly think they'd vote him the money? Unless, of course, he manages one last breathtakingly slimy act before the tribunal.

Kelly: Alas, her defining moment - for viewers, at least, if not for North Carolina authorities - was losing the canoe race against greenhorn Gervase, after bragging that her river-rafting job ensured that her victory was a done deal. Her win would - well, it'd just be wrong. Unless she's up against Richard in the final round.

Sue: Unless Sue pulls off a mask revealing she's Tom Cruise from ``M:I-2'' in disguise and has just been playing a dumb redneck all along to lull the competition into a sense of complacency, she, too, seems an unlikely champion - with, obviously, the same Richard caveat.

Rudy: This old cuss is the most palatable of the Final Four - at least he has a reason for his grouchiness, which most observers believe will be significantly diminished after tonight's finale.

- David Kronke

The facts

--The show: ``Survivor.''

--What: Two-hour finale to the adventure-reality-game show.

--Where: KCBS (Channel 2).

--When: 8 tonight, followed at 10 p.m. by a live (on the East Coast) one-hour ``town hall'' reunion meeting. The meeting will be simulcast by radio station KNX-1070.

--The show: ``The Late Show With David Letterman.''

--What: Dave's interview with the ``Survivor'' winner, with all castaways participating in the Top 10 list.

--Where: KCBS (Channel 2).

--When: 11:35 tonight.

CAPTION(S):

10 photos, box

Photo:

(1 -- 4 -- cover -- color) ...And then there was one

It's down to the wire for `Survivor'

(5 -- color) Pulau Tiga, in the South China Sea, was home to the castaways on CBS' hit reality show ``Survivor,'' which concludes tonight with a two-hour finale.

(6 -- color) no caption (Richard)

(7 -- color) no caption (Kelly)

(8 -- color) no caption (Sue)

(9 -- color) no caption (Rudy)

(10) From left, Kelly, Rudy, Richard and Susan are ``Survivor's'' final four castaways. The show's finale airs tonight.

Box: Final 4 Countdown (see text)