OH, BABY, IT'S HEAVY LIFTING.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Which one of Indianapolis' 500 Hometown Buffets did LSU's Glen ``Big Baby'' Davis and his man-sized bib do the most damage over the last couple of days? How many UCLA alums were around to personally drive him to his next meal?

--Do you believe Billy Packer when he says he's actually seen UCLA play this year - not in person, of course, but on TV? Can we even assume he owns a TV?

--How many free throws did Ryan Hollins make in practice this week? In how many attempts?

--You really betting against George Mason? Again?

--When does the NCAA reveal that GM is actually part of the March Madness Protection Program and must now return to the NAIA?

--If these patent-pending Patriots do win it all, must they then be forced to officially beat Hofstra before all intercollegiate authorities certify their achievement?

--How did Indiana University conduct a search for a new basketball coach without consulting the surreal Hoosier Daddy, Norman Dale?

--When will Rick ``Here This Morning, Gone Later This Morning'' Majerus stop taking free lunches with college ADs to discuss their coaching vacancies, since its only going to feed his ego?

--If Syracuse's Jim Boeheim gets his way and they expand the NCAA Tournament field, will the fire marshalls eventually shut the whole thing down?

--Which NFL owners were high-fiving each other after the passage of tighter rules against end-zone celebrations?

--Under the new NHL rules, can the Kings be called for icing their season?

--Are we correct to assume that the Clippers are well aware of the fact that a sixth-place Western Conference finish (and first-round matchup against Denver) is much more prudent than vaulting into fifth place (to face either San Antonio or Dallas, with a probable meeting against the other in the second round)?

--Isn't this right about the time Sam Cassell goes down with a season- ending injury?

--Does the fact that Amare Stoudemire is back in the trainers' room mean the Suns were going for the quick PHX?

--When will Randy Johnson be allowed to stop worrying about child support and refocus on a lack of run support?

--Since Barry Bonds has joked about jumping off the Empire State Building, does it mean he's accepts the fact people are making a monkey out of him?

--What kind of punitive action does Bud Selig plan to implement after his new ``CSI: San Francisco'' gang of gumshoes presents him with more irrefutable evidence that there's something fishy going on in the Bay Area?

--Anna Benson, included in Sports Illustrated's ``20 To Watch'' for the 2006 baseball season?

--Anna Benson, on the cover of FHM straddling a baseball bat?

--Anna Benson, filing for divorce against husband Kris?

--Does the reincarnation of Morganna really think she can survive in this world as a free agent throw-pillow?