Nothing untoward happens here: in fact, except for a dated squabble over admissions, private clubs seem dull.

Nothing untoward happens here

In fact, except for a dated squabble over admissions, private clubs seem dull

A couple of things are clear about downtown's private clubs: They're sure defensive about having open membership. And before you can get any information whatsoever about the staid California Club, you have to talk to the facility's attorney.

Yes, in order to write a nice little feature story about the club, you have to call its lawyer. And in order to get in for a tour, well, it takes a few days, and it too, has to be arranged by the attorney.

The nearby Jonathan Club is not quite so guarded. The president will talk to a reporter but he steadfastly refuses to allow a pedestrian to tour the club's hallowed halls.

"You can try to get in as a guest or apply for membership and get a tour but that's the only way," said John Vidmar, Jonathan Club president.

Of course, there are no armed guards at those clubs' doors and if you're dressed properly it's fairly easy to walk around inside unescorted. But eventually, as I found out, you'll be asked by someone what you're doing there. And if a member's name doesn't come rolling off the tip of your tongue, well, you'll have to leave.

But there's really nothing extraordinary or mysterious about the inside of these clubs, as I found out during formal tours of all the downtown clubs except for the Jonathan. They're pleasant and clean, and on a warm day, they're cool. Some have beautiful artwork. And they are quite comfortable looking.

They probably have great food but they're not heaven on earth and as Groucho Marx once said: "I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member."

If you talk to the people who run the clubs, it sounds as if they are just the best, most respected places in the world. Some clubs have been around since the late 1800s but, according to management, nothing embarrassing or funny or anecdotal has ever happened.

"Can you tell me a story about something interesting that has happened here?" I asked the clubs' managers. None of them could -- or would.

But one thing the managers, or their attorneys, will talk about is open membership.

Even before asking my first question, most assured me that their club absolutely, positively, unequivocally and unconditionally admitted members of all sexes, creeds, races, ages and political persuasions. To join, all you have to do is have referrals from other members and be able to pay the initial fee and monthly dues, they said.

Private clubs have been particularly vulnerable to attack by various groups claiming they are shut out from being part of the "in" crowd. Lawsuits over admission to the clubs have gone as far as the U.S. Supreme Court and have created a lot of bad publicity for the facilities. The controversy has also raised questions about whether the clubs have become old fashioned, outdated and unnecessary, and are no longer a prerequisite for success in the business world.

The five largest private clubs in downtown Los Angeles have not escaped that publicity. After charges that the California and Jonathan clubs did not have open membership policies, Los Angeles in 1987 adopted regulations banning discrimination against women and minorities by private clubs.

The Jonathan Club unsuccessfully challenged the city ordinances.

Without asking, management at the clubs will tell you they have always had open admissions and, because most business people are white males, most of their members are white males. It's not that complicated, they will volunteer.

Not only will the clubs immediately tell you that they have open admissions, but they will keep going back to the subject. It's undoubtedly a sensitive matter for the clubs. Maybe that's why only the California Club's attorney will talk to a reporter.

"I am not authorized to talk about our operations. We are a private organization and I can't talk about our private matters. You have to talk to our attorney," said California Club General Manager Harry Richter.

"We have been subjected to a lot of bad publicity and Harry has a heavy German accent and he doesn't want to be misquoted," said the California Club's attorney and board member, Charles Forbes, who has been a club member since the 1960s.

In addition to the Jonathan and California, the downtown clubs that cater to the Los Angeles business community are the University and Los Angeles Athletic clubs, and the new City Club on Bunker Hill.

All the clubs are within a few blocks of each other, with the Jonathan and California Clubs occupying valuable pieces of real estate on Figueroa and Flower streets, respectively. The two clubs are within sight of each other.

The Los Angeles Athletic Club has its own building on West 7th Street but the City and University clubs lease space in office buildings.

There are about 9,000 members of the five downtown clubs, which -- if it proves anything -- means there are a lot of people in downtown Los Angeles with enough money to spend on status and stamina. It may also mean that to be really "in," you shouldn't belong to any of the clubs.

To get in, a man or woman, black or white, old or young, Democrat or Republican has to be sponsored and pay an initiation fee that can range from $450 to more than $5,000 and then a monthly fee of at least $100.

What do people do at the clubs? Other than eat, drink or use the gyms, you sit around, in appropriate business attire, and socialize in high-backed stuffed chairs, reading newspapers, making money, talking or listening.

Yes, there is a lot of wood paneling and red carpeting and low, cool lighting. There are also meeting rooms and banquet rooms and pool rooms and reading rooms and steam rooms. At the California, Jonathan and Athletic clubs, there are even hotel rooms that guests can rent.

"Absolutely not," replied California Club attorney Forbes when asked whether anything untoward ever happens in the rented rooms. "Any inappropriate behavior would not be accepted. The concept of the club is that it is a social organization and you are here because you like the people and you wouldn't want people here who are not socially acceptable."

Management of the club will tell you that one reason nothing embarrassing ever happens at the facilities is that memberships are by referral. Therefore, members police themselves and limit admission to socially acceptable individuals like themselves.

Four of the clubs are at least 50 years old, with three of them going back to the late 1880s, but the City Club is only two years old and was established by real estate developer Robert Maguire and accounting-firm executive Walter Beran.

The City Club is not really a social or business club though. Rather, it is a private eating establishment. "We were established to represent the new L.A.," said Manager Patrick Tombelaine.

The club, on the 54th floor of 333 South Grand Avenue, boasts that its mens room has the best view of any other such facility in Los Angeles.

PHOTO : Private life: L.A. Athletic Club member in club dining room

PHOTO : Members only: Some of the privileged few