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Makeover Madness

From the on-line edition of the Chicago Tribune on the new "mandatory makeover" policy for female cocktail waitresses at Harrah's Casino in Joliet, Illinois: "Unprecedented new appearance standards are part of the Las Vegas-based company's Beverage Department Image Transformation Initiative, a program officials say is needed as an antidote to the anything-goes attitude of the nineties. It goes so far as to say a woman who gives birth is expected to fit into her old uniform by the time the baby is twelve weeks old."

Bush's Book Report

From a wire report in The Dallas Morning News: "Making his pitch to be the environmental candidate, Mr. Bush challenged Mr. Gore, author of Earth in the Balance, to clarify parts of his 1992 bestseller.... Asked whether he thought Mr. Gore was an extremist on the environment, Mr. Bush said, `I think the Vice President is probably going to have to explain what he meant by some of the things in his book....' Later, Mr. Bush acknowledged that he had not read Earth in the Balance."

Boob Tube

From the Reuters on-line edition datelined Vienna: "An Austrian television station is offering women a breast enlargement operation in a bid to boost viewing numbers for its tabloid program. Interested viewers must send a photograph of themselves to the program, Check It, together with a few sentences on why they want to enhance their bust. Thomas Gauss, editor-in-chief of private ATV television, said the winner would be chosen by viewers.... `There'll be only one winner, but of course two silicone implants,' Gauss told Reuters."

Spying 101

From The Washington Post on CIA employees teaching college courses on intelligence across the country: "Lloyd D. Salvetti, the CIA official in charge of the teacher placements, says more schools want to participate than he has agents to send.... `At the end of the day, we have suffered for the fact that we are at the hands of those who would popularize this profession, mythologize it, Hollywood-ize it,' he said. CIA officers in schools are there to teach--not recruit, he said."

Hey, You Spies!

From The Washington Post on Secretary of State Madeleine Albright's reaction to the revelation that foreign spies have had access to the State Department because they have worked undercover as news correspondents: "`Obviously, we don't want spies posing as journalists,' Albright said.... `If you are spies, then identify yourselves.'"

Office Despot 

From the May 2000 edition of Labor Notes out of Detroit, Michigan: "Several local unions have reported that the Office Depot chain has a corporate policy of refusing to make deliveries directly to union offices. Instead, Office Depot uses UPS or another carrier and charges extra for the service.... The company apparently doesn't want its own drivers coming in contact with union members."

Menacing Muzak

From USA Today on British Parliament member Robert Key's attempt to ban Muzak-style music, which he calls "an unavoidable plague": "The bill ... would ban piped-in music from all public places. Key says like other forms of noise pollution, piped-in music raises blood pressure, cholesterol levels, and muscle tension."

Computerized Striptease

From The New York Times on Simon & Schuster's new interactive computer game Panty Raider: From Here to Immaturity: "The object of the game is for the player to strip cartoon supermodels down to their underwear, take their photographs, and deliver the photos to three sex-starved aliens before the aliens blow up the Earth in `hormone-driven anger.'"