Nice dog I wanna chop its head off: 14 + 4 + 9 13 = 3 + 9 % 8 = 0.

TIME IS FUNNY. THE MORE TIME THAT passes, the funnier things become. That's how things are, absurd and funny. Back a long time ago when I was 12, I asked my father if he would be interested in hearing a proposal I had for him. He laughed at me and told me that I did not have a true understanding of what the word "proposal" meant. I told him proposal means you're about to get a better job than the one you already have. "Well," he said. "It can mean that."

When my best friend's dad got a new car he backed over their neighbor's dog and just about killed it. Then they sold the new car and got an even newer one. Andy Kundinski was the kid that lived next door to my friend Charley. Charley's dad is the one that ran over Andy's dog. Andy was from Hungary, but that didn't matter much. His dog was a Pitbull; he used to groom that dog and just love it to the core. He'd holler stuff like, "Sic my Pit on you fools...come mess with me. Now his Pit had gotten backed over by a new car. I think it was a Mercury. After they crippled Andy's dog, they bought a Honda.

Charley's dad was into numerology. He said that the first letter in Mercury is 13, which is an unlucky number. Me and Charley knew that the 13th letter stood for marijuana, 'M' all the way. Charley's dad didn't look nerdy. I mean, you would figure only nerds would be into numerology, but I guess not.

"Why Honda?" I asked Charley.

"'Cause it starts with 'H', which is the eighth letter and ends with 'A, the first."

"What? So now he drives a Honda? He thinks no bad shit is gonna happen to him?"

Charley shrugged his shoulders and said very lightly, "Guess so." I could tell he was a little embarrassed of his old man.

The sun was as bright as ever. Me and Charley were in his backyard looking over the fence watching poor Andy's dog drag his back legs around as he walked. "Poor thing. Look, he can't even dig a hole for his doggy bone." Charley laughed, but I wasn't trying to be funny "Where is Andy at now, anyhow?" I asked Charley. I guess to always sound better and more on top of his game he uses the phrase "dumb ass" before something about someone, mainly when the person was not around though. Like this: "His dumb ass is over at Blue Max, that new office supply store. That's where he works at now, or pretends to work."

Andy's yard was all neat. I told Charley that "that frame there looks like a Diamondback." Charley told me that it used to be Andy's big brother's bike...may he rest in peace. Charley always said that after talking about someone who was no longer alive.

So, before they die he calls them dumb ass when he talks about them, and after they're gone "may they rest in peace." I didn't even know he had a brother.

"Yeah, wild story"

"Let's hear it."

"He went to Columbia to join the communist fight and got his head cut off by a drug dealer."

"No way! You're not telling the truth. How did he get from here to over there?"

"They got planes. He flew."

In a shed in Andy's yard was where all the plants were. I jumped the fence first, Charley came over right after. We had bolt cutters for that pesky master lock. His dog put up no fight after we got all the plants. I cut his dog's head off and put that where the plants used to be. Charley was afraid because he never killed anything. I told him flies die all the time. He waited on the other side of the fence. When I got over the fence, I told Charley I finished up what the Mercury couldn't: "Well, I took care of the dog. All I had to do was knock the poor thing in the head. Then once he was out! chopped his head off clean." I kept the clothing I was wearing as a keepsake.

Me and Charley got around on our skateboards, but I told him after all that happened I'd be driving a Nissan. The 14th letter in the alphabet begins and ends it; 'N' for naughty. After we sold all them plants and the lighting gear, we put up a ramp in Charley's backyard. It was only a small ramp--eight-feet-wide, eight-feet-high--and the part I liked most about the ramp was the 14 feet of flat bottom. Gives you time to think before you hit the next wall.

LAWLESS ORDER
LOOKS DANGERUS
THATS CAUS
IT IS FAIL
DOWN STAY DOWN
ALL IN THE
NUMBERS
NEVER DROVE
A ROLLS ALWAYS
DROVE A
BENTLY CLIME
INTO THAT
RENOLT &
BURN RUBBER
NEVER DROVE A
LEXUS  ALWAYS
DROVE A
BENZ CARS
OUR FOR CRIME
HELP ME STEEL
A JEEP
SOMETHING THAT
I CAN
KEEP BEEP BEEP
WEED PLANTS
WEED IN WALLS
DROVE A
CORROLLA
NEVER DRIVE
AND OLDS
POLICE DOG
FIGHTERS
NICE WEED
ONLY TREE'S
DON'T BLEED
WEED TREES
I SOLD YOU A
DENVER OMLET
AND
CHARGED
YOU FOR A
STEAK!

ONCE I WENT
TO HUNGARY
AND I NEVER
WANTED TO
LEAVE SO
I RAN
A 10K AND
FINISHED
FIRST
THAN AFTER
THAT THIN I
FELT LIKE IT
WAS OK TO
GO SO I
DROVE A ROLLS

Poems by Oleander

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IT WAS ENTIRELY DARK INSIDE THE room. It was morning but the sun was still not up. The hotel was nicely decorated, expensive and cold. Most extremely rich places have a cold feel to them. The news station was NYI and it's nice to be able to tell the pulse of a city through a box of light--television. The light on the phone was blinking. I had a message but I went to bed and didn't answer it. I knew what it was.

I opened the curtain and looked down, needing a sign from the street level to know which direction to go in. The reporter on the TV was bright eyed and doing his job well--or better put, he made good use of useless goods. "Fire in mid-town, tunnel traffic advised too," and so on...and so on... I turned it off. I was well impressed though, to see a city functioning in top order. The door to my hotel room--no, it would sound much nicer to say suite--the door to my suite opened like a door to a laboratory; it opened and closed firmly. The contrast between the air in my room and the air in the hall was very noticable. The hallway was brightly lit and the air was of pinewood--just as fresh as in my room, but different. It made me wonder how they were able to control it--the air and its freshness. In the lobby I saw men in black suits. Chauffeur drivers and different workers waiting for the slightest things to fall out of order so they could fix them. I saw a short bald man with a towel around his neck sweating mad ly. I watched him as he walked through the lobby, a trail of sweat following him. Shortly after, a worker mopped up. I was standing next to a tiny tree that looked out of place.

"Morning, Mr. G!" I was scared. How did she know my name? "Our eating quarters are in the friendly room today. Would you kindly follow me?"

I didn't know if I should just follow her or not. A quick moment of hesitation, then I followed right behind the lady. She had a worker's uniform and tiny white shoes. When I was at the friendly room there were several people seated and eating. I thanked the lady for showing me the way to the food, but I was not hungry. I walked through the hotel and was back at the main lobby. I took a seat in a chair with a short back rest. It was rounded with tube-like cushions. Light began to beam into the lobby through the large plate-glass window. There must be a place that's a little less raunchy to meet a day that will be worthy of remembrance. Ah, words spoil life's simplicity.

I decided to start over again. I went back to my room; I let myself in. I closed the curtains and then tried it a second time. I used the employee's exit; this seemed to work fine. Now I was walking along the sidewalk with people; this seemed great. Normally I'm never close to anyone but...now this is really good.

I walked for at least 20 blocks and when I reached Central Park I stopped and took a seat on a bench. I closed my mind. Everything went blank. I faded away. People walking through the park passed me. No one took any notice of me, and this was good. I felt very relieved and unbelievably new.