New thread of questioning unspooled.

Byline: Bob Welch The Register-Guard

Because of my monthly Q&A column, I've become someone I'm not: The Answer Man.

People run into me, ask how my family is and then say something like: "Hey, why were there lights on in the press box of Autzen Stadium last Friday night at 11:30?"

A cashier sees the name on my debit card and says: "Oh, say, how did Granada Estates in Springfield get its name?"

I'll get a phone call on deadline: "Bob, can I deduct a parking ticket if I got it while meeting with a client on business?"

All I am is a guy who, each month, tracks down the answers to your questions. I'm not the Shell Answer Man. I'm not a certified tax adviser. I don't know, off the top of my head, the fat grams in a Mucho Gusto fish taco or what happened to South Eugene's homecoming princess from 1965.

In fact, truth be known: I probably have more questions than you do, dear readers. So, for today, let's reverse our roles.

Once one of your children graduates from college, why isn't there a cooling-off period before universities can hit you up for donations? Goodness, for the past four years you might as well have had your paycheck direct-deposited in the U's account. Then you're flipping burgers at the kid's graduation barbecue when the please-donate calls begin.

Am I the only one who still misses the `503' phone prefix?

I was at an estate sale in Waldport where they were selling, among other items, the dead guy's Wheat Chex. Is it just me or is that tacky? When I die, I hope nobody tries to sell my cereal.

In the Coburg Hills, near the Linn-Lane county line, you see this saddle on the ridge, a pronounced dip that's quite distinctive. Looks like those notches on a chain saw chain. I want it to have name, but can't find one on a map. Anyone know if it has one? Anyone know the saddle I'm talking about?

Am I the only one who's ever wondered this?

Those repent-or-go-to-hell signs on Peoria Road between Harrisburg and Corvallis: Do they work? And if Jesus was a grass seed farmer, would he put one up?

(Question I've now triggered for most of Eugene: "Forget that, would Jesus burn his fields?")

At our house, we display an antique typewriter, a 1930s-era telephone and rusted shovels and rakes (outside) as nostalgic decor. Fifty years from now, will people use laptops, cell phones and Weed Eaters in the same way?

I don't remember seeing pelicans along the Oregon Coast until about five years ago. Now I see them nearly every trip to Yachats. Did I just miss them before or are they the new kids on the beach?

I just read about an author who "lives in Corvallis with his partner, the poet Blah Blah Blah." Or you'll see someone is married to "the novelist Blah Blah Blah." Why the "the"? Nobody would say "my wife the teacher ...' or "My husband the professor ...' - unless he were nutty.

(Second question I've now triggered: Why would anyone name their kid "Blah Blah Blah'?)

If Lane County is above average in educational levels, why can't drivers make the connection between "red" and "stop?"

Know of any Web sites where you can find out how hard the wind is blowing at Fern Ridge Lake?

Is it me or are those wooden spoons in the Dixie Cup ice creams shrinking? It's like eating ice cream with a wooden match stick.

Speaking of summer, why are so many hot dogs sold in packs of 10 but buns in packs of eight? Your soonest opportunity to "buy even" is 40 - four packs of dogs and five packs of buns. Is this a conspiracy between the dog and bun folks?

Why, in our technologically advanced age, do those planes doing the Eugene-to-Portland routes sound as if you're in a giant belt sander with wings? Can't we do better?

Whew! Hey, that was fun. Now I know why you ask me so many questions - and keep them coming.

Just remember: I don't carry the answers with me.

Bob Welch can be reached at 338-2354 or at [e-mail].