Networking surfing: how to make helping others help you.

Anyone who has changed careers, gotten a promotion, or been in business for him or herself knows that it's not about what you know, but whom you know. "It" being achieving success at work and staying successful. The key, expert business butterflies say, means some serious schmoozing to be treated as seriously as the actual job itself.

Fortunately for those in real estate in New York, the city provides ample opportunities for networking, for those who are willing to put themselves out there and kill the industry with kindness.

Peter Pergolis, a corporate CPA turned real estate broker goes to every conference, seminar and meeting in town that even mildly relates to his field, including meetings on networking, which he calls "network surfing." Mortgage consultant Lisa Benson says she always tries to find out how she can help others to get business with as much energy as she uses to encourage her own. Financial advisor Jeanne Brutman punctuates every other sentence with "Now how can I help you?" and seems to mean it, too.

Pergolis, who spent 15 years as a corporate director of internal audit, knew for months in advance that his entire department was being outsourced. After receiving his severance package, he invested in real estate classes, earned his license and joined his brother Richard's company, Pergolis and Swartz.

Immediately, Pergolis began surfing; he read Crain's online events section or anything that looked like it was related to real estate or business development, and attended all the various breakfast meetings, luncheons, workshops, and cocktail parties he found out about. Eventually Pergolis joined the Million Dollar Lead Exchange, an information exchange group that meets twice a week. It was through this group that he met someone looking to sell a building in Nolita, a deal that Pergolis ended up brokering in May. It is mainly the networking events, Pergolis says, that keeps him one step ahead of the game.

"So far it's been successful," he says, "because I'm developing strategic alliances with CPAs, attorneys, real estate brokers and residential brokers. They can steer commercial deals to me and I can steer residential deals to them."

Pergolis also keeps himself marketable by keeping his CPA license current, regularly reading real estate publications and planning to take more real estate related classes.

"Networkers think alike," says Benson, who met Pergolis at a networking group. "Peter was in corporate America for years when he switched to real estate, and he went into it with the spirit of a 25-year- old."

Benson is also in her second career, having switched from being a restaurateur to a mortgage consultant for the Kingsford Corporation. She says she was able to break into the industry by networking through professional women's groups such as AREW (The Association of Real Estate Women) and NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners). The fact that most of the people there who were either trying to get their feet in the door, or reach the next level of their careers were female, provided Benson with the "comfort zone" she needed to become more confident, and begin interacting with many different kinds of professional groups.

"I started seeing another niche of being around professionals of other industries as well as my own," says Benson. "In residential real estate, there's not a lot of loyalty. People don't move that frequently, and they don't say 'oh I remember that woman,' so you have to find new venues."

But meeting people and making contacts is just the beginning of the networking process for Benson. To stand out from the rest of the crowd, she advises, "You have to keep in mind the people you meet, and how you can connect them with others. As you do that you become a resource for them and you leave a good impression." The idea of course is that others will return the favor,, which Benson says has happened, and she has received referrals that way from commercial real estate brokers, architects, accountants and many others.

Brutman, of Cowan Financial Group, attends at least three networking events a week and two seminars a month, and gets 20% of her business that way.

"Eventually it might slow down," says Brutman, "but right now my job is to get out there and meet people."

According to our experts, becoming a champion network suffer is just a matter of following a combination of professional and moral guidelines.

* Show you mean business.

"When you meet someone, hand them your business card right away so they have something to talk about," advises Benson. "Some people are shy and feel that handing you their business cards right away is being too aggressive. Make it easy for them by doing it first and making them comfortable. If they're there, they're probably there for the same reasons you are."

"Being friendly helps," says Pergolis. "You're there to exchange information and advice."

* Avoid small talk and cut to the chase.

"Networking well is asking a person more questions than they're asking you about what they do, what they need and what they want," says Benson. "Then you see what matches you can make from your own pool of resources, what connections you can offer. You write down: call So-and-so because you know someone looking for that service. It's about word of mouth referral, but actively not passively. You're always looking for ways to enrich the lives and businesses of others."

"If you're a woman you may get hit on instead of getting business, so you have to be careful about that," warns Brutman. "But if you mean business, keep along, ask people questions, really listen, and absolutely you'll be able to help them."

* Don't reserve networking time only for networking events.

"The minute you meet people, you should follow up with letters or notes or phone calls and you build relationships," says Benson. "You just don't know who anyone else knows or when that information will be divulged, and the more you're in the public eye, the more you build a reputation."

"Part of networking is what you give others," says Brutman. "Now I'm the go-to person if you need a roofer in Bayside. Sometimes it's tedious and overwhelming to look for numbers and do follow-up work but it's who I am."

* Be generous. It's a good investment.

"People need to know that you care and you'll help them first," says Brutman. "I have always found that when I helped others, I knew not to worry. If I needed something somehow it would always come through. 98% of the time, once you do something for them, people are more open and trusting with you."

"By offering other services, you add value to what you do," says Benson, "especially because people don't always have the time or desire to shop around, so you're doing a service if you can save someone hours of research."

* Invest in yourself, but spend within your means.

Before settling on his current networking group, Pergolis found that the many events he was attending were getting rather expensive. "Networking groups can cost between $1500 to $2500 a year to belong to," said Pergolis. "In addition, you have to pay for some very indigestible breakfasts."

However, Brutman favors expensive groups, as she feels the people there are more serious about doing business.

"I owned a business before," says Brutman. "I know you can't get out without putting in. That's just normal. If not, there's no product and nobody buys."

* Budget your time as well as your money.

"A lot of networking events don't really work," says Brutman, whom upon switching careers from jewelry wholesaler to finance specialist, began cold calling potential contacts. However, after finding that a lot of the people she was calling were either unhelpful or she simply didn't like them, Brutman began attending various networking events. However, many of them proved to be pointless.

"There were people there looking for work with no follow-through," she says. "Unless you could be a direct source of business, they're not interested in you. Most of the time people would be standing in a corner eating and drinking and they don't even have business cards. Most people don't benefit from events where you never see those people again. The ones that meet consistently are the most helpful."

* Develop an instinct for selecting contacts.

Brutman met her partner through a networking event, saying they "clicked immediately. It's like when you meet your best friend. You know you're going to be friends."

Likewise, she also knew when to pull the plug on other business relationships. "Sometimes if someone's too distant with me I say it's not worth it."

"You want to make sure the people you refer are quality," says Benson. "When you meet someone for the first time you may only exchange a few words quickly and you either click or you don't. After a while you develop an instinct, which is a personal thing, but if someone's in the same line as your thinking, you'll want to build a relationship. You have to like people, but that makes business more enjoyable."