Networking: the difference between who's who.

Are you listed among "Who's Who" of your valued clients, respected peers, and mentors? Of, does your potential client, preferred role model, of desired friend say, "Who's that?"

Everyone on the "Who's Who" list knows that networking is vital to their savvy and success. We all need to create for ourselves a plan to influence others! Often at conferences and meetings, I demonstrate for participants how to introduce themselves, how to identify what their networking goals are, and have them play the "Networking Game" to get the meeting rolling. I often work with senior executives who do not know how to mingle. Here's a peek at what I teach them!

IT'S NORMAL TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE

What causes people to fear mingling? 92% of us claim to be shy at times. I know I am and I teach this stuff! When you find yourself hesitating, avoiding a networking event, or skipping the mixer, smile and say I'm going to Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (title of a great book by Susan Jeffers.) When we "do it anyway" despite our misgivings, we expand our comfort zone. Knowing the "how to's of mingling" helps us to easily break down our own barriers. The following are the steps to becoming a networking Who's Who instead of a "wannabe".

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

Take the time to challenge yourself to come up with a list of experiences, opportunities, and things you want. Having a vision of what you want will more likely help you to get there. My friend Elizabeth Jeffries wanted to fund a scholarship to her college alma mater. Being clear about the goal and having it in writing caused her to begin networking to make it happen. If you do not have a list of at least 15 things you want to do, you are in a rut! Knowing what we want to create next in our lives keeps us active, motivated, and interesting to others.

ASK YOURSELF, "WHO DO I WANT TO KNOW?"

Look at each item on your list. Next to each, identify whom you need to know to help you get what you want. How could you meet this person? With what associations, groups, of organizations would he or she affiliate? A recent client of mine wanted to learn how to influence physicians. When I asked him who it would be helpful to know, he was able to identify three possible types of people who could help him to understand how to approach physicians.

INTRODUCE YOURSELF

I am frequently surprised how many people do not know how to introduce themselves and others. My parents did not teach me how to introduce myself as a business professional, nor did I learn it in school. I too had to learn how to correctly conduct introductions once I joined the professional world. Now, in seminars, I teach folks how to shake hands and practice introductions. The mechanics of a good handshake include: * have eye contact, * extend your hand with the thumb up, * link hands finally, web to web, * pump 3 to 4 times.

What often goes wrong in the handshake? No eye contact, waiting for the other person to initiate, dead fish or too firm a grip, continuing to pump too long. Practice with a friend. You may have developed one of these bad habits and not be aware of it.

What you say during the introduction is of equal importance. If you are introducing yourself to someone, say, "Hello I am First and Last Name" as you extend your hand. They should extend their hand and say something like, "Nice to meet you, Name, I am First and Last Name." This occurs during the handshake.

If you are introducing two people to each other, say the name of the person you are honoring first. Say the name of a person outside of your organization over a colleague. If all else is equal, say the name of an older person before the name of the younger.

Let's say that Bob Jones is my client and Sara Phelps is my friend of colleague. I start by saying, "Bob Jones, I'd like you to meet Sara Phelps." I pause for about 3 seconds. (No ping-pong. Don't say Bob this is Sara, Sara this is Bob.) Then I add something about Sara that would be of interest to Bob: "Sara and I have worked together at Influence Mastery Inc. for the past five years." Finish with something interesting about the person you are honoring, such as, "Sara, you would be interested to know that Bob is one of the best tennis players in our league."

Now they each know something about the other that they can use to begin a conversation.

ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT

After you have met the person of group who you think could help you get what you want, you have to ask! Relationships are built on reciprocal interchanges. What could you give, do, or offer your new networking contact? People, like you, like to be helpful--it feels really good! They are usually open to extending their help when asked. Give others the opportunity to aid you in reaching your goals.

In passing, a mentor of mine mentioned that he did not have time to read the latest business books. I began to read the books and summarize the key points in 3-5 pages. I sent them to him with a little note saying I hoped we could get together to discuss the application of the ideas. When we met, I had other questions, ideas and concerns I would then be able to address. This person became a vital coach and friend to me as a result of my willingness to ask for and offer help.

Recently, I got a call from the "Professional" Who's Who of America. After establishing that I had a job, they said, "Congratulations! You've been nominated as a member of the Who's Who." How exciting! I couldn't wait to hear what that meant. "For just $279 ..." The best part about being on the Who's Who list of your clients and friends is that it pays you. Good luck!

[C] Shawn Kent, 1998 Shawn Kent works with organizations that want their people to connect better with others and with professionals who want to communicate more clearly. She is the author of Mastering Your InfluenceTM and The Influence Journey. Ms. Kent is available for coaching or training on Influence, Mentoring, Networking and Presentation Skills. Call 800.393.5707 for more information or visit us at www.InfluenceMastery.com.