Net.Speak: The Internet Dictionary.

If you're going to surf the Internet, make the most of your online correspondence by becoming proficient in Netspeak. Netspeak is the techno-babble bandied about in cyberspace. Net.Speak: the Internet Dictionary by Tom Fahey ($15 Hayden Books) offers readers a comprehensive look at Internet lingo. Here's a quick course in Netspeak and Netiquette to help take you from newbie to Net god.

Any newbie, rookie on the Internet, should avoid becoming a spewer - one who believes everything he or she types is of interest to everyone. Spewers are sometimes guilty of spamming - spraying unsolicited messages to every newsgroup or e-mail address. A newsgroup is a collection of messages about a particular subject. You can access them on the Internet or through Usenet - a system linking thousands of bulletin boards. To find these newsgroups you may want to use a gopher - a menu - based search program to help you find what you want.

Now that you know some terminology you'll want to brush up on your Netiquette - an informal set of rules on proper behavior on the Internet. If you post unsolicited advertising on a newsgroup, other users may respond by flaming you - sending a rash of angry messages. One who routinely sends out electronic insults is called flamer. Don't let flamers frighten you into becoming a lurker - one who reads messages but never posts anything. On the other hand, don't be a blatherer - someone who takes three screens to say something when three words would do.

After you've found your way around the Internet, you'll want to get a grasp on acronyms. You should know that HTML stands for hypertext markup language, and it's the most widely used coding scheme to create web pages. If someone tells you a funny joke, you should respond by typing LOL - laughing out loud. If the joke was hysterical, type ROTFL - rolling on the floor laughing.

Seek the answers to FAQs - frequently asked questions. But take care not to offend the TPTB - the powers that be. The better versed you become in Netspeak, the more your cyber pals will think you're a Net god - a long time and revered Internet user. So get with it, ASAP.